The father's rights organizations will tell you to child chase forever. Which I believe has a negative element to it. Do a search on youtube for Dr. Childress and Parental Alienation. Very good information there.

And Welcome!

My SD23 first stopped her visitations (after a big blowout), when she was 15. My DH did not chase her.

She eventually started calling him, quite often, and after many months, wanted to start coming over again. DH was fine with that. That lasted for a couple of months, she got mad at him for something, and stopped visitation again. He still didn't chase her but they still talked on the phone.

And that's basically what their relationship has been ever since, over the phone.

She is still dependent on BM and BM still fulls her head full of crap. Because of that and what's happened in the past, DH doesn't trust her. He loves her but he doesn't trust her.

SD calls more when her and her mother aren't getting along so basically, BM still determines SD's relationship with her dad, I'm not sure she (SD) even realizes it. It's quite sad.

BM has always made sure that SD would always need her. If SD was a true grown up, with her own mind and some independence, things might be different.

The only way to overcome PAS is to completely confront and destroy the toxic blended family opposition. If they are reasonable then work with them. If they PAS, all bets are off, they are evil, and they must be destroyed.

Any time your kids miss a visitation file contempt charges against the POS PASing parent. Kids do not get to choose to miss visitation. They visit or the CP goes to jail. The kids get dragged out of the house, stuffed in the car, and taken for visitation under police or CPS supervision.

No quarter, ever. To either the PASing parent or the PAS victim children.

You fight PAS with the facts. Inform the Skids of every detail of the CO, CS payment history, toxic communication from the PASing parent, record every phone call, save every email, every text, every Vmail. Keep a journal of everything related. Things the Skids say, etc... Document everything. If the toxic opposition PASing POS has a record, share it with the kids. Any comment spouted by the PASins parent that the kids mention, give the kids the facts. Tolerate no manipulation.

Of course how and what you share with the kids regarding the facts of the situation should be filtered through an age appropriate test of reasonableness. However, the facts must be communicted to all who the PASing POS attempts to manipulate. The kids, the PASing POS's extended family, the courts, the community, their church, their profession, etc..... No quarter, no break, it never stops. They either learn to STFU or they suffer a never ending loop of their bullshit behaviors, lies, and manipulations applied to destroy them.

It worked for us to keep my SS's toxic SPerm Clan pummeled into submission and to keep them under the slime covered rock at the bottom of the shallow and polluted end of my Skid's gene pool where they belonged.

For 16+ years we followed this mantra in dealing with the toxic Sperm Clan's PASing bulshit. Fortunately as the NCP element they did not have nearly the platform for an effective PAS campaign that would have had as the CP side of the equation.

We kept SS informed in an age appropriate manner, we countered every single lie and manipulation by the Sperm Clan with facts and documentation, and SS (now 22) is very capable and willing to protect himself from their toxic manipulative bullshit now that he is a self supporting viable adult. When he was young informing him that what he was told was not true and then sharing the truth is what we did. As he got older we expanded his level of detail knowledge. by the time he was into his mid to late teens he would take it upon himself fo dig into the Custody/Visitation/Support drawers in our home offic file cabinet to educate himself when somethign the Sperm Clan spouted did not pass his smell test.

In his teens occassionally he would ask his mom or I about something, ask whey they insisted on lying and manipulating, and even share with us how heart he was by their lies and behavior. Now that he is in his 20s he is getting much more jaded in his thoughts and actions towards the Sperm Clan as their manipulations are now focused entirely on him rather than on punnishing his mom or I. When SS gets on a roll venting about the Sperm Clan we occassionally have to reign him in to point out that as frustrated as he is with them and though we agree and will always have his back, he needs to address his feeling regarding heir behaviors anyway he wants but direct reference to them should be made with at least unoffensive words even if he has no use or respect for them.

So, contront, expose, destroy. Lather, rinse, repeat. No quarter, tolerate no manipulation or lie, and never, ever let them get away with anything no matter how seemingly miniscule it might be. When we relaxed with the Sperm Clan and let any little thing slide they amped up their toxicity.

IMHO of course.

I always thought when the s kids grew up they would be able to choose for themselves...the problem with that. for us. was...they ended up being marinated in the bm's toxic way of thinking, manipulating, and wy of doing things...When they got older...they just turned into repeat versions of what they were taught...Unless they want to be set free from their delusional way of thinking...they will do what they know....what they have been taught...

When the bm died...I thought they would have a chance to be free then...it only got worse...they are now all loyal to her way...Hate and unforgivenss,,,blame and control,,,their loyalty to that way of doing life went on steroids...and now we are completely disengaged because with that way of thinking, in order for them to win at life...Dh and I have to lose..

It's what they know....bm destroyed her own children in the process of blazing a broken trail that engulfed anyone who came close to it. Many people warned me to stay away from her toxic way of doing things...but I thought I could help...boy was I mistaken....Her hate for my dh filtered through everything....it had a huge effect on our marriage and me personally...

I don't mean to cast a shadow on your hopes for it to get better...but if the s kids are marinated in pas-ing...how will they learn anything different? the person they trust the most is using them to amplify her personal issues...every chance she gets...all the times you do not see what she is really telling them...and they do not even know it....most of them cannot handle the truth of the matter..that their mother is just using them for her own self gain...Exposing her is probably the best chance you have to help your kids...that is if she hasn't already trashed your credibility....even so...they probably won't believe you...because she walks on water to them and their loyally to her is her trophy prize...even if it based on lies...she'll take what she can get because her security lies in the loyalty of the children and she will do ANYTHING she can to control them...

What she doesn't seem to mind is that she is destroying her own flesh to fill her emotional emptiness...and she is as dependent and desperate for it as she is the air she breathes...