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Sd11 asks DH about precious gf

SweetMom's picture

we live in a small town and everyone knows each other. Some since elementary and some high school. My husband was a player back in his day. He is 3 years younger than me. We both know the same people but never really knew each other. Tonight sd11 asked DH infront of me who did he take to prom. He asked her why did she say something so stupid. I'm so happy he is setting her straight and stopping her from bringing up the past. She also stopped talking about her mom so much. We was talking about people being alone. She said dad is that why you are married because you don't want to be alone. He also set her straight and said no it's because I love Mrs.SweetMom lol I'm feeling better he is finally sticking up for me

SweetMom's picture

I didn't say it was weird. It's just a disrespectful to bring up old flings with a new wife. She could have asked him when it was just the two of them. it was small and petty and I would have over looked it but the fact that he pointed it out to her made me feel special

Disneyfan's picture

THIS

SweetMom's picture

Yes his daughter has brought up his ex girlfriends up and yes she has talked about her mom & him dancing and stuff they done together In The past more than once. We allow for her half sister to tag Along (to make her feel comfortable)if she wants In Our home and both girls have disrespected me as their mother did too. Yes we put a stop to their mother coming into the home because she too tries to bring up their past and her problems. They act like he hadn't moved on and married another woman. My husband and I wanted to have a baby really bad together. We been trying so you see when a woman see's two lines on a pregnacy test and hears a heartbeat thump on ultra sound and her friends gives her their handmi down baby stuff then she looses it As i did, yes, I'm A bit insecure. That's why I come here to vent. Step mothers don't start out to be this way. They are prevoked and more than once so by my husband starting small to protect my feelings, that makes a beautiful marriage because now we are all on the same page.

Disneyfan's picture

The kid asked him about his prom -a childhood event. Unless he went to prom with BM, that isn't rude or disrespectful to you.
Her question is no different than a child asking their parent about their first date, first car....

If he's freaking out about his kid asking normal questions, then he's the problem not her.

twoviewpoints's picture

I think it may be a case of the OP freaking out and demanding her DH control anything the kid says/asks that she may somehow feel is disrespectful to OP.

Trying to completely wipe out any mention of the man's life prior to OP's entrance into it. You know the old standby 'move on' ....as if nothing may be said/asked that might imply a different female may have existed (however short, a prom date? A few causal HS weekend dates? Did Daddy glance at a girl at the mall? Yes, daughter, Daddy really did find you under a cabbage patch leaf))prior to his meeting and marriage to his current partner.

I personally don't find that as a sign that DH is standing up for his new wife or protecting her or even demanding due respect for a current partner. I guess I call it unrealistic and trying to live in some make believe fantasy world.

I'm not unsympathetic towards any woman who has experience the pain and emotional suffering of one who has tragic loss of pregnancy and their loss of a child. I'm truly not. But a simple 'Dad, who did you take to HS prom' from an 11yr old child and telling the child her question was stupid and disrespectful? That's quite the stretch in connection for a kid to try and make.

hereiam's picture

Everybody has a past and we are who we are partly because of that past.

There is nothing about my DH's past that makes me insecure about our present. In fact, I would rather know about his past than not know.

My DH didn't go to prom but if he had, I would sure love to hear that story!

Jsmom's picture

I think it was a harmless question. So many other things to upset you. This should not be one. We all have a past. Could have been a fun conversation, shame he shut it down.

SweetMom's picture

My skid always talks about her mom an that other family always and we listen but there comes a point to where it does get annoying. He tells his daughter to try to spend time with us. She is always taking her iPad and snapping pictures of his previous House and talks about daddy daughter memories of them two spending time together and camping before I came into the picture and I talk about the times my son and I spent and went on vacations to places. I am simply saying I am glad he shut her down when she started something that wasn't a big deal but like in the past, lead to the past events her mom and dad done which is something them two can discuss when it's just the two of them, like daddy daughter time. I'm just happy he is teaching her to not disrespect people. He later told her that he didn't do the prom that he done the races. That's something we all do together. Trust me, her mom has filled her in on all her daddy's likes and dislikes which people change so he don't like certain songs anymore.

twoviewpoints's picture

Kind of sounds like she just misses having her father fulltime. And I think that part of missing having Daddy as much as she did is pretty normal. The challenge comes for Dad to show her the way into how Dad is still very much her father and loves her very bit as much. That Mom and Dad didn't work out but it doesn't change the fact child and he still share some good memories and the best part? There are still many memories Dad and she and your whole family can make new memories. DH and you can introduce her to new things, different taste in music...all of us keep growing and learning and experiencing new ways in our lives. We never stop 'growing'. Even she will learn and like different things as she ages. She won't be the exact same person at 20 or 30 as she is at 11. Just like Daddy she will grow and learn new things and maybe like things then she doesn't like now.

Some of the Mom, Mom, Mom rattle will cease a whole lot once she starts having a bit of a young social life. Middle school were friends start being more important and teen girl giggles and hallway gossip. It'll be soon enough and suddenly it will be all about outfits, and make-up and school dances and puppy love crushes.

It's pretty ok for SD to ask a question and perfectly ok for Dad to say 'you know, SD, I don't think now a real good time to talk about this' or 'SD, I'd rather we chance the subject' or even after listening for awhile of non-stop chatter to say 'hey, SD, don't you have something else to do for a bit, OP and I are trying to talk together for a spell'. It's also pretty ok to remind her it's rude to break into other people's conversations and disrespectful to other's present to hog a conversation and only talk about what she wants to.

If the kiddo likes to take photos, maybe Dad or you all go do some outdoor nature photos and expand her interest in photography. In other words, let her see there's more to having fun with picture taking than just the inside of BM's house, LOL.

notsurehowtodeal's picture

I'm not sure that telling her that her question was stupid is the best way to teach her to not disrespect people. It seems to me that he disrespected her by calling her question stupid.

I do not see what is wrong with her asking her Dad who he went to prom with in front of you. I'm not sure how old you and your husband are, but I'm guessing prom was many years ago. Why would you care? Like other posters have said - it is often a good story!

WTF...REALLY's picture

I love knowing my hubbys past and he knows everything about me. We have zero secrets. I know all about his dates, proms, who he had sex with, who he wish he had sex with. Everything.

I see zero issue with answering kids questions.

SweetMom's picture

Yea I get it. She is only 11. 3 years is a lifetime to her and a lot . I'm 40 so 3 years means nothing . Heck, we been together 4 years now. He is the one that said that and I really wouldn't have went all ape shit. I'm just glad he is demanding that her and ER mother respect me. I see my wrongs, I really do, thanks. The BM asked DH what she could do when he demanded her to have some respect for his wife. He told her to stop texting asking if he was ok. His well being is none of her concern. She gets her check so that means he is healthy enough to work. They don't have to wish Bad on each other, just talk about the well fair of his kid. Things are getting better. Also, this past week I asked them if they wanted to spend father daughter time and she said no. He said she actually gets upset when I'm not there. So, what do ya know. She actually thinks enough about me to want me there.