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Just go home already

frustratedinNE's picture

Submitted by frustratedinNE on Fri, 01/30/2015 - 9:08pm

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Why does a 19 year old come and have visits. Visitation is over, as an adult you live in one place. My husband is just so ecstatic when my 19 yr old SS graces us with his presence. I just can't fake it anymore now that both SS are aged out.

Modernworld1011's picture

Submitted by Modernworld1011 on Fri, 01/30/2015 - 10:40pm

They come back because they know that papa will fawn over them and fatten their wallets. Dad they gets to feel like he is loved and that he has a better relationship with his kids. The kids smell this insecurity and work it to the living end. It is weird though on the kid's part. Mom and Dad's house was the last place I wanted to visit at 19, and I loved and love them dearly. It is great for these kids that get to be hybrid adults who take the adult pleasures that they want and ignore the not so fun ones like true independence and responsibility. The day we as a society expected children to not contribute to the family and just take was a bad day, and we will all reap the 'rewards' as these little princes and princesses are in charge.

The gleeful excitement on the parents part is bizarre to me. Why it does not worry them that their kids do this is beyond me. I say this as a parent who loves my kids.

SweetMom's picture

Submitted by SweetMom on Sat, 01/31/2015 - 12:39am

At age 19 they still need guidance. How often do they come to visit? My mother is my biological mom and she requires a phone call before I come. Most of the time she makes excuses like she doesn't feel good or she made plans.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Sat, 01/31/2015 - 5:51am

I am 50, my brother is 44, and we both visit our parents several times per year. I think it is unreasonable to expect a parent and their kid(s) to cut off contact when the kid reaches 18. Just because the CO expires the family relationship does not.

My parents home will always be my home and my brother' home though neither of us was raised in the home my parents have now. Our homes are also mom and dad's. My bride and I have the same type of relationship with my Skid.

A key point to this is that all of us treat each other and the various homes with respect.

Just my opinion of course.

Modernworld1011's picture

Submitted by Modernworld1011 on Sat, 01/31/2015 - 6:14am

You are correct. Kids should always be able to come home, regardless of their ages, but (and this is why I said what I did earlier) the kids sadly often seem to return and stir up heaps of trouble and drama. The parent who had trouble setting the child, then the teen and then the young adult straight as to politeness and manners is going to have a heck of a time trying to instill such virtues at a later age, and may not even see the need for such things. Thus the visiting being horrific, and the step parent being stuck hiding in a room until the event passes. No one should have to feel uncomfortable in their own home, and sadly many stepparents are placed in that very position because of spouses who won't be proper parents.