Not our weekend.
Forums:
So this weekend coming, is our weekend off. SD15 is asking DH to please fetch her from movies she is going to with friends, nowhere near our house, and take her back home to BM ( her weekend) place is slightly closer I think. So she asked earlier this week and he said no. Afterwhich BM sent DH a mud slinger insulting him and saying what a bad father he is etc.We did not respond. SD15 just phones again and asked again. DH said no, and especially non now after BM's messages. I think it's BM trying to interfere in our weekend off. How do the rest of you put boundaries in place for your off weekend?
Simple we do not answer calls
Simple we do not answer calls from BM on our weekends, ALL calls go to VM. SO will retrieve the VM if it is an emergency (which it never is) then it gets addressed. If it's BM it gets ignored, if it is the skids calling SO will depending on what we are doing either call back to talk to the skid marks or if we are out or busy or enjoying our alone time then he will call back when he gets around to it. Text messages are handled the same way.
Getting these boundaries has been a long hard road. BM NEVER adheres to them unless she has a bug up her ass and then it is radio silence, YOU can NOT control BM's actions it is up your DH to set the boundaries and stick to them. It has taken years for my SO to finally keep these boundaries in place and NEVER bend them.
We really did not have this
We really did not have this problem. In the very beginning, BM once asked DH to "babysit" on her weekend and he turned her down flat. Which shocked the hell out of her.
The only way to deal with this is to stick to the CO and ignore BM.
I'm not saying that a father can not and should not be there for his daughter, but when it becomes just a convenience factor for the BM, um, no. We have always lived at least 30-45 minutes away from BM and she learned real quick that he would not be coming to her rescue.
The "bad father" comment is the 'ol standby when BMs like this don't get their way.
"Ask your mother. It is her
"Ask your mother. It is her time with you." Lather, rinse, repeat as necessary. Document BM's flip outs but do not engage.
Ignore the BM's texts(but
Ignore the BM's texts(but definitely save them) and remember some times you have to treat BM's like children. The only way she'll learn is if it's consistant and firm. No means no, CO says this, do not play into her games of trying to get you or your DH pissed off because that will turn a good day bad real fast in which case she wins.
Evil, sometimes you have to
Evil, sometimes you have to treat BM's like children. Sometimes? I thought it was all the time. Thanks for the laugh.
OMG...YES! It's sad, but DH
OMG...YES! It's sad, but DH often says that HHB is the closest thing to an adult in that house, and that is scary considering all the crap the girl is getting herself into! Even scarier when you remember that this is the girl who doesn't wipe her ass!
I would have looked at DH and
I would have looked at DH and said, "Oh, HELL no!" Of course, chances are high that he would have some excuse...and he would go do it anyway. That is at least the way it would have gone down before the last month. Now, I'm not really sure he would jump! I could see him saying something like, "Well, according to HHB, her girlfriend will give her a ride wherever she wants? Can't her girlfriend go get her?" I can also see him say now, "How is this MY problem? How does this make ME a bad parent? YOU let her go to the mall, it is YOUR responsibility to make sure she has a way home that does not include calling me!"
Yeah I dont understand why
Yeah I dont understand why her friends mom can't drop her off. Dah! So I think this is just a mind game manipulated by BM as now SD11 is all of a sudden too scared to sleep where BM is staying. This has never ever happened before, normally
, when we used to visit in their home town ,that would be her excuse not to stay with us. I really hope DH sees this, if it is manipulation.
How did we deal with just
How did we deal with just about anything from the Sperm Clan .... No! That just about summed up our dealing with them. How much pain we brought depended on how they took the no. If they got stupid, we brought the pain.
It worked well for us.
No is always a viable answer IMHO.
I love when they pretend not
I love when they pretend not to hear the no...or they can't seem to understand the no. Our BM is famous for both, and had trained HHB well. Don't know how many times DH has had to remind them that he said no he (or we) couldn't do something, and BM would call or text at a later date/time..."So, when will you be able to..." And BM likes to wait until she has a better chance of backing DH into a corner! For example...in a case like this...HHB will already be at the mall with no other ride home available, and BM will call DH TELLING him (not asking) that he needs to go get her and bring her home...because (she claims) she has tried to call everyone to get her a ride back, and no one else can do it! To make sure she can get DH to do it, it will be like 10 minutes before the mall is supposed to close! Are we really supposed to believe that BM has exhausted every other option before calling DH? Oh hell no! She will call DH FIRST and try to bully him into doing her and HHB's bidding! "You can't just leave her there!" She would seriously expect DH to drive 20 miles into town to pick the girl up at the mall and take her home, when BM's house is like a 5 minute drive from the mall!
HHB would do the same kind of crap when she still lived with us. She wouldn't bother to ask if she could "stay after school" or go over to a friend's house to "do homework"...she would just do it, and then text DH and tell him that he needed to come pick her up at X! That is one thing he would get on to her about on a regular basis! A few times, DH would be on the other side of the city, so HHB would try to text me to come get her...while I was still working. I would tell her I couldn't come get her...she would have to wait for her father...and leave it at that! I wasn't going to be her errand girl or car service!
"I am not leaving her there.
"I am not leaving her there. You are. You go get her. You're the one that said she could go. Step up mom. Quit being a loser piece of shit and trying to pawn your parenting responsibilities off on me. When our daughter lived with me, I took care of this shit. Now you need to take care of it. Buh bye."
EXACTLY!!!!!
EXACTLY!!!!!
Oh how would that scenario
Oh how would that scenario have been handled here?
OH has been well documented as the one who drops EVERYTHING even planned weekends away with me to run around dropping off/picking up skids on BM weekends.
We used to get 4 weekends a year that were totally kid free (between my younger two and his two) 4 weekends a year that we promised each other were sacred and just for us.
Had a lovely weekend away planned up the coast, from after work Friday to Sunday night. But BM needed him to drop them off Saturday afternoon at two different places (which necessitated a 2.5 hour round trip out to hers, to SS's drop off, to SD's drop off and back to ours) and then repeat on Sunday to pick them up again.... And the arsehole did it.
And I went away by myself and stayed with this bastard for OVER a year longer.
Meh, nothing useful to add, feel blessed ladies that your men WILL guard your alone time.
Hmmm, I get this all the
Hmmm, I get this all the time. The only time Princess calls SO is because she wants something and it's usually a lift somewhere even when it's not our weekend with the skids. Unfortunately SO doesn't have the word "no" in his vocabulary so he ends up taxi-ing her around - more fool him, but it does pee me off that it's on OUR time. It doesn't help that BM is a lazy cow and WILL say no because she can't be arsed.