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Help me toughen up ladies!?!

Oh Margie's picture

Hi Everyone,

I had a profile for almost 2 years but recently deleted it because of the slightly unsettling actions of my ex-SO. For anyone who has a photographic memory and might remember me, I am a huge Simpson's fan which was reflected in my name and when we discussed in a thread a looong time ago what our username's meant, a lot of you assumed I lived at my Mother-In-Law's house Smile

I didn't blog often, although I read everyone's blogs obsessivley, and when I did blog it was usually about the "big stuff" and you guys always saved me, gave me wonderful, down to earth advice for which I was so grateful. So here I am again (I just can't stay away from you guys!)

I have to keep things vague, but I am having some issues with my ex-so and unfortunately there are still a few things that still have to be dealt with with him. It's only now that he has turned the full force of his anger on me am I realizing how co-dependent I was in my relationship with him and how much I walked on eggshells and became absolutely enmeshed in his moods. This is a very very hard habit for me to break and now that we are going head to head over a number of things I am finding it so hard to not just dissolve into a whimpering mess. I hate it, it's not like my normal personality. I am letting my anxiety over this control my life.

I need some inspiration form a strong group of women (and men). How do I keep my cool? How do I take back my power? How do I fight that instinctive, Pavolvian response to panic in the face of his anger?

You guys are the greatest. As always, anything you have to share is much appreciated.

Comments

bellladonna's picture

Milhouse?!?!

I think you've already won half the battle. You left, and you recognize that he is trying to break you. You also seem aware of your triggers. I'm a big fan of affirmations. When you feel yourself going to a place that's not mentally healthy for you maybe try repeating a positive affirmation to yourself. Something like, I am a strong and intelligent I will get through this. Or, The past has no power over me anymore. I have a book of affirmations that I read every morning. It really helps.

Is it possible to enlist a mediator of sorts. Like a family member or trusted friend that can act as your representative to hash these last matters out?

You are stronger than you realize. It takes a very strong determined woman to stand up for herself and leave. You will get through this. Keep your head up.

Oh Margie's picture

Great guess!
Thank you so much, that really helps. My brother has been helping, which has been a huge blessing because my ex is a little bit intimidated by my brother.
Do you mind sharing the name of your book of affirmations?
Thank you again!!!!!!

worst_stepmom_ever's picture

Stay strong! Conflict makes me very anxious as well but just try to remember that there isn't any ACTUAL danger when this stuff is going on, it's just perceived. Meditation and learning deep breathing exercises has helped me significantly!

Oh Margie's picture

Thank you so much everyone!!! It is greatly appreciated!!

I am having a bad day, but this definitely helps Smile