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Just at a loss

verysad's picture

Wow how I wish I had found this forum BEFORE we moved in together. Background: when SO and I moved in together we rented a home large enough that his 18 year old demon spawn could move in with us. I have 2 be (17 and 12) and bs 10. At first I thought all was OK. Until I found out she was telling abject lies about me to his whole family and anyone else who would listen. It has just gotten 1000x times worse over the past year.
Comment too long, issue in comments. Sorry for novel but damn it feels good putting it in writing.

verysad's picture

OK so yesterday we had a dinner for my son and SO nephew. House was dirty so I'm cleaning prior. I look at her bathroom, its filthy. I ask SO to have her clean it before she goes out for the day. (I avoid her as much as possible) She lies and tells him its clean. I don't engage just tell him to go look. 3 hours pass, I ask is he going to clean it? He calls her, she storms in, cleans bathroom and leaves. Cool. Fast forward 3 hours. She is at the store and we need something so her dad texts her. When she walks in I ask if she got the text. No answer and walks by me. So I call her name loudly. She comes back and says "none of your business" I'm hot and tell DH. He gets mad at me!!!! His mom says "you know evilSD is rude to you, why do you get upset?" HUH??? WTF?? So today I'm upstairs and she put a lock on her bedroom door AND the bathroom door (only she has key). OH HELL NO. I realize I have no currency with her so I told SO until the lock is gone no WIFI or DTV for her. HELP!! I'D be a fool to marry him wouldn't I?

verysad's picture

Well that solves that. SO just told me its over. His bitch of a daughter gets what she wanted.

verysad's picture

Echo thanks. I'm crying right now but you're right. She's told me she dislikes me but cause its her job to take care of him. He just told me the reason he won't tell her in front of me that she has to show respect for me? She will hate him for it. Well I guess that sums it up. I love him like I've never loved anyone. For him to walk away so easily really hurts.

StepLady's picture

So his daughter gets what she wanted, so what? You are going to get what you want, which is to be happy like everyone else. The turd (SD) is no longer in your punch bowl. Separating is awful and it will hurt for a while but you don't need that little turd in your life. You don't need her to be rude to you or influence or effect your own kids. You will get what you want out of your life, but what will he have to offer anyone? A rude overgrown brat that runs the show. You sure did doge a bullet! Stay here with us for support and take care of yourself.

legmel's picture

I am so sorry you have to be subjected to that! I would honestly change the locks to my house and let him know his daughter is no longer welcome. To disrespect you like that is just wrong.

Indigo's picture

I wish that this board had an online shopping cart. I'd buy you a Care Package with a cute tea mug, some iTunes, a bumper sticker which said something trashy, a couple of rediscovery self-help books, a Rabbit vibrator ....

Cue the music to Clint Black's song "Nothin' But the Tail Lights"

http://youtu.be/VkFK0-5QpuQ

Indigo's picture

Sueu2, you're completely spot-on. I was being bratty and you were offering real suggestions.

In addition, there are minor children involved and OP needs to focus on the next step. No amount of blustering can force OP to move since she has as much right to live there as her SO. SO and SD versus OP and her 3 kids? Democracy rules. The locked bedrooms/bathroom is a form of effective eviction of a % of the house. Hopefully OP is not paying bills for that quadrant of the house.

Is there a BS10 who is joint? Then you have to consider custody/visitation issues and emergency child support from the court.

Yeah, maybe everyone will kiss and makeup, but changing the locks ? Nope. I'd get a slim wire, open the doors and ..

verysad's picture

Every time I start to waiver I'm going to read the texts she sent me where she tells me she has no respect for me. Unsolicited she used to send me upsetting texts. So I blocked her on Verizon. I need to be strong. I SO want to kiss and make up but no. This is my hill to die on. If I continue to allow this what message am I sending my kids?

Sootica's picture

I agree with everything sueu2 has said , you have been inconvenienced enough by the teen queen and daddy balless so he can pony up if he wants you out. Also as the girl is so blatantly rude to you I would completely ignore her and treat her like persona non grata. She is a ghost in that house so you don't see her (if she is there look right through her), you don't hear her and you sure as hell don't do anything at all for her! If she wants to live in filth (her bedroom/ bathroom) let her.I'm sorry you are hurting right now but you have had a lucky escape as your boyfriend has a mini-wife and you are clearly "the other woman" in this set up.

hereiam's picture

I hope you do leave him for good, it will not get better.

He is going to be one lonely dude. And you can find somebody who values you.

verysad's picture

This morning brings clarity. Counseling isn't going change his outlook. I'm kind of glad he admitted last night that he will never set that limit with her. It makes it clear to me that while he may love me, I'm never going to hold the space a wife should. We have no shared kids. The lease is in my name only. This morning I'm letting him know she has 1 week. Grandma x2 or mom can take her in. I don't care. I'm moving into my daughters room until he leaves. We will have to move as I cannot afford the 5 bedroom house alone. I hate that this little bitch is the source of such strife and confusion. At the end of the day it is SO fault for never setting limits. Thank you guys for the support. It helps keep away the feelings that I'm the crazy one.

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

I have to agree with others...you dodged a bullet on this one by not marrying him and not having any shared kids. You and your kids deserve better than this. Girl has daddy's balls in her purse, and she knows it!

Like I posted a few days ago...a child is is allowed to disrespect their parents will never have true respect for anyone!

Evil stepmonster's picture

You're going to change your name to happyandluvingit.
You have dodged a major 50cal bullet here. Get your kids, get your life back and enjoy yourself. Once the hurt fades you will see how damned relaxed you are now that your not living with a man an psycho miniwife.