Had "the talk"

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Been reading and sifting through all your ordeals for about a month now trying to make sense of the life I have found myself plopped into for the past 4 mos.

Long story short: 2 adult kids went from part time or sometimes being here; to living fulltime with me and my spouse!! They are her kids. My steps SD20 and SS18. They were raised to be "kids", no responsibility no consequences. Not my spouses doing but hard to change after the fact. Was overruled by overbearing a$$hat of a former hubby.

So here we are 4 months in....filthy rooms, filthy bathroom, no help around the house, meanwhile they treat our place as if its a hotel that WE pay for. HENCE THE TALK!!

We'll see how it goes......

I'm treading lightly because my spouse has huge emotional ties of course whereas I say GTFO if you can't play nice!!

I'm not sure what consequences should be if they don't follow thru on all the requirements that we thru down last night. They are both going to visit bio dad and i'm sure will cry cry cry the poor me song.

Will keep you posted....thank god for this site as I have been going crazy trying to juggle my relationship with avoiding jailtime for attempted murder!!!

We dealt with our version of

We dealt with our version of this with SS-22 when he graduated from HS at 17. We gave him the summer after graduation until his 18th bday to take it easy. Then we brought reality to the equation. We had told him we would pay 100% of the costs for any college he chose to attend ... nope, he was not interested. We told him he could live at home rent free if he had a full time job. Nope, not interested.

So, we turned him into our beck and call boy/chore bitch. We did not give him a house key. If he failed to complete the day's extensive chore list the next AM we dragged him out of bed and left him on the front step in his sleep togs until we got home from work in the evening. The next day he had to do that day's chores and the previous days chores of he was on the front step again. Hot, cold, it did not matter. The first time it was hot and he was a bit dehydrated when we got home. He was rather miffed with us until I introduced him to the garden hose and the miracle of di-hydrogen monoxide that came out of the hose. }:) As it progressed to winter we would give him the comforter off of his bed and leave him on the front step in his sleep togs and a comforter. He only spent 3 days on the pack covered patio. We cut him no slack. He finally signed up for the delayed entry program for the USAF and we still worked his butt off until he reported to Basic (BMT). He decided that if he was going to have someone telling him what to do and working his butt off he might as well make a little money at it.

In a bit of parental Karma he scored in the top 2% on the ASVAB and they would not let him take just any job. He had to enlist for 6yrs to get the job he wanted and the USAF sent him to school for 2 years on their dime. He continues to work on his BS and is doing well in his career. He has decided to reenlist and work towards 20 years.

So, work the two useless little shit's asses off and turn them into your beck and call chore team. No need to kick them out if you never give them a key. They keep their rooms and bathroom clean and they go to school and work full time or ... they spend the day on the front step in their PJs if they don't complete the chore list.

It worked for us.

Good luck.

Rags - Love it. I thought I

Rags - Love it. I thought I was tough but I'm feeling like a marshmallow after reading your post.

There is one thing I want to add, I don't expect any more from my Stepadults, and I have 3 of them but only my Twit is the problem the other 2 are very nice, than I would out of my own DD.

It really was not all that

It really was not all that tough for SS after he graduated from HS. It was when he got defiant and lazy that it got tough. Fortunately there was not too many incidents required to keep his head in the game. The few incidents resulting in teaching moments were actually pretty funny from my point of view. Not so funny from his pov though.

Lol omg. I'm literally

Lol omg. I'm literally pissing myself laughing trying to imagine these 2 shits enduring any of thAt!! My spouse has just seen the light recently after many many heated discussions. It's been two days now. We are watching with anticipation to see how it all plays out. I can't even imagine her doing what you guys did. Usually the bio is not supportive of any kind of harshness like that. I'll pass it along. Ha ha. Love this place. I laugh so hard at all the comments and pet names for SS and SD!!

Thanks for replying. What a great job you did☺️

Thank you all for your

Thank you all for your comments......and I agree wholeheartedly with everything written here. Momma is appreciating that I am treading lightly, but we did tell the skids that we wanted rooms cleaned and bathroom cleaned before they go visit Daddio!! He's such an asshat and totally responsible for how these pigs turned out. So the SS18 quit university cuz he just couldn't cut it. So now his piddly job is about 3-8 hours per week and he's "waiting for one of the other employees to leave so he'll get more hours"...HAH not on my dime!! After we told him that he needed to stop sleeping all day and being up all night and put in resumes and look for work he has a new trick I think.....the past few days I've come home from work and there he sits at the kitchen table....as if he's been up all day scouring job sites!! NOT....yesterday he emptied the dishwasher :jawdrop: ....(Mom wanted to throw a parade) I said SO HE SHOULD!!

He watched cast away...so there was three hours....I told Momma that if the rooms are not spotless that I will be taking both doors off the hinges and putting them in storage at my neighbors place!! Not sure if she'll atually let me do it....but did say that it was a good idea!! I just want them out...OUT OUT OUT!! I can't hardly even cook for the little snots, and they eat like pigs...every noise that comes out of their mouths disgust me....all due to the resentment that has built up.....

I am hoping that once things go sideways...which they will cuz I have no faith that anything will change for any length of time....that we can implement some pretty tough living conditions.....but as I said it's DW that has the biggest and toughest time putting her foot down!!

Makes it difficult at times....I'm just thrilled that she finally made the decision to actually read them the law of the house.....

Again thank you so much for being here and commenting....I am gleaning much knowledge from all of you!

Why are you cooking for them?

Why are you cooking for them? They should have the meal ready when you get home and the kitchen spotless.
While I might not go so far as Rags did, it worked for his SS, and Rags always has good advice so I am sure the SS pushed it onto himself.

Turn off the cable and Internet everyday, take the cable box with you if necessary. And any gaming devices. They can both go to local library or cafe to surf the net ' looking for jobs'.

If they do not clean to your standards before they go visit dad then hammer some consequences on them.

You had the talk already. If they refuse to live cooperatively with you then have the next talk that gives them their eviction notice.