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Jesus c....I swear if divorce wasn't so expensive...

nikki_01's picture

K so I had received a necklace from my midwife that had helped deliver my son. After such a horrible delivery experience she sees him as a miracle too. The necklace has his name on it and it is so adorable- of course I wear it daily.

A couple of years ago I got SD (5) a necklace that was one of those split necklaces to give to her best friend, but instead she gave it to me. I thought that was nice of her so I wore it for a while and then put it away so I wouldn't lose it and it wouldn't get tangled. I haven't worn it since because it's just a keepsake type of thing...she doesn't wear hers either, the other half is hanging in her room (and she doesn't live with us, only stays here for summers and holidays).

Anyways, DH has been giving me shit about wearing the necklace with my sons name on it, constantly asking "where is your half to SD's necklace" "I never see you wear that, what, you lost it?"...like really? He's been giving me dirty looks every time he sees our son's necklace on me, which is basically all the freaking time.

Another thing is, my mother was on speakerphone and was talking about how i should get a tattoo of my son's footprint...of course dh flipped shit. "how do you think SD will feel if she sees her brothers name and not hers!"

Like excuse me, tattoos hurt but I WOULD get one for MY son, the one I had carried around AND VOMITED FOR DAILY for 8 months, almost lost, and he's my first and most likely only child I can have.

Unless SD has came out of my crotch, her mother that she lives with or DH can tattoo her name on their own skin.

Like why is he trying to guilt trip me for loving my own god damn kid ?????

nikki_01's picture

I didn't say I'm going to rush out and get another tattoo (needles freak me out- could barely handle the first one) but this bs makes me just want to go get it done now

oneoffour's picture

Ask him why HE hasn't got a tattoo with his daughter's name. Why hasn't her mom got a tattoo of her daughter's name? I cannot think of anything more tactless than having another woman's child's name tattooed on my skin when she has a perfectly adequate mother already. If my kids SM had my child's name tattooed on her I would have a cow. She is not their mother!

Just call him on it. Just tell him ..."Because our son is a miracle. We nearly lost him. And if I want to be reminded every day what a miracle he is, I will. And by the way, just like your daughter is not living here every day but has a special place in my heart, so is her half of the necklace in a SPECIAL PLACE SO I DON"T LOSE IT. Go away! You are a whiny and stupid right now and I find you boring and insecure. Blah!"

Or words to that effect. }:)

nikki_01's picture

AHA! Love it, love it, loveeeee it!!!!! Remembering it, reciting it, and following it with a kiss my ass dance in private. lmao

nikki_01's picture

lol I was holding in my smartass comments strictly because I was trying not to argue while DS was in the room but I sure was thinking "it's not my daughter, you wear the damn thing!"

Shaman29's picture

I do NOT understand his thinking and guilt trip bullshit whatsoever.

If you weren't squeamish about needles I'd encourage you to find the most reputable tattoo artist and get it done.

nikki_01's picture

Me either. I'm still bitter because I mentioned at the baby store about one day if my body lets me I can't wait to have a baby girl to dress up and he rudely and sharply said "Like fuck you will. We already have a daughter. Dress her up all you want." I swear if I'm not popping any more kids out of my crotch 3 years from now, I'm leaving his ass.

nikki_01's picture

lmaoooo. ugh I need you all to channel into me so I have quick PERFECT comebacks every time. I should of took a "How to prepare for a shitty husband 101" class

nikki_01's picture

lmaoooo. ugh I need you all to channel into me so I have quick PERFECT comebacks every time. I should of took a "How to prepare for a shitty husband 101" class

Disneyfan's picture

You really want more kids with this guy after the hell he put you through while you were pregnant with your son?? :?

nikki_01's picture

Since when is it a crime to want kids OF MY OWN.
Maybe if he hadn't knocked up someone he didn't plan on marrying, his life wouldn't suck and he wouldn't have to deal with the consequences he bitches about so much
"fuck it sucks sharing a kid, court, bm demanding money and other bs."
Sorry DH, but... that's not my problem. It's yours.
lmao

Disneyfan's picture

Hey Ditzy, the OP's SD has a good mom. He wants to push BM out of the picture, take kid full time and make the OP play mommy. This guy has problems. Both of his kids have. Good moms. Why he can't accept that is puzzling.

nikki_01's picture

Exactly. She's always going to be in the picture so I wish he'd stfu and just be the dad he needs to be, let bm be the mom she needs to be. And let me be the mother to our son that I want to be. And leave it at that.

Shaman29's picture

If anyone needs counseling, it's your H. He is in huge denial over the fact BM is the mother of SD5. He's getting his panties in a wad over the fact you're bonding with your BS. Probably watching you with your BS is making his wish SD was actually your bio, and making him regret his other choices.

He needs to calm the eff down and get some help before he completely wrecks the relationship he has with you. He may not like his old choices, but he has to live with them and STOP projecting that disappointment onto you.

Man...I just want to kick his dumb ass all over the place right now.

nikki_01's picture

lmao i know, and there's nothing wrong with bm imo. sure, she demands money but girl has bills to pay and a minimum wage job. Daycare isn't cheap.

He tries so hard to convince me that I'm the mom SD needs and Im not. She HAS a mom. One that's quite lovely, takes her to do fun things, calls when sd visits here...she's fine. Do I KNOW HER KNOW HER? No. But just from what I've seen, she's cool.

Like you said, no matter how much he hates bm, I won't ever gonna be SDs mom, so I wish he'd stfu.

Sootica's picture

Your DH is being an ass,please don't let him ruin this special time with you & your son.Obviously the bond will be different it sounds like you went through hell to have your little one so being thankful you have him every day is normal.SD has a mom,as well as, a good relationship with you so your DH is being ridiculous by demanding you feel a certain way so he can re-write history in his head.Regarding the comment in the clothing store,completely uncalled for. It's like if he bullies you enough into pretending his daughter is your daughter then he can live in lies and denial.Don't allow it! Regarding the tattoo the man sounds like a control freak -he has zero right to tell you what you may or may not ink on your body,hell you're a grown woman & it's YOUR body.Personally I would think it beyond weird if someone told me they had anything skid related tattooed on themselves,HE can have his daughter's name tattooed on himself if he wants to.With regards to how she would feel about it?"Gee I don't know douche bag if she likes it when she goes back to her mom maybe she could ask her mom to do the same,since she is the woman that birthed her ya know!"

luchay's picture

You know, I agree with this.

I wouldn't be trying to appease him with all the "our son is a miracle" or "I put it somewhere safe because it's SO precious to me"

Other hand - I wouldn't even couch it that I don't love her the same as I love my son.

I think I would take the direct approach (again) "I am BS's mother and at this stage he is my ONLY child. SD, whilst I love her, she is not and nor will she ever be MY child, she is YOUR child and BM's child, I love her but or course not the same as I love my own child, do you love (insert a niece or nephew that he loves name) the same as you love SD? It's the same for me. You and I conceived BS, I carried him in my body, I pushed him out of my body and he is MY child, I will NEVER have that bond with SD and that is perfectly normal. Stop trying to create a bond that can never exist."

And as for the comments about you already having a daughter, I would have shut that shit down quick smart as well. "NO OH, I DO NOT. I have only birthed ONE baby and that is BS, YOU have a daughter, I love her but she is NOT my child. I would very much like to have a daughter of my own, with or without you buddy!"

godess-clueless's picture

Sd lives with her mom and only visits during summer and holidays. You are not the replacement mom. Might be different if mom was dead and you were in a position of replacing the mom figure. You are not in that position.
I don't think this has anything to do with the sd, your new son, or your feelings toward either of them. It has more to do with your dh using you in his game of competition against the ex.
As next wife we find ourselves jumping through hoops to show we are the better wife, expecting to be so appreciated for going that extra mile. We take on responsibilities that were never ours to take on, we give up time we would normally have spent doing for ourselves , to do extra for their child. We make financial decisions that put our own wants or our own future security to the back burner and expecting we will be acknowledged and appreciated for the efforts. Hoping for some confirmation that dh will think " I'm better then her."
For some of us, if there was already another ex wife ( SM ) then you not only get placed in competion with the the mom but also the mean past SM that dh complains was so terrible. " she never made my kids feel welcome, she nit picked at them about everything, she did for hers and mine felt like outcasts"
Even with just being the next wife, how many men get the idea that they should spend thousands of dollars fighting for custody because they have a new wife with an income, who can entertain and take care of his kids. Yet when dad was on his own the idea of spending his money fighting for custody and rearranging his schedule to accommodate them was never important enough to persue.( I'm not saying all dads because some do.)
When I read this I just saw a husband putting you into this competion game of laying the guilt trip of " you don't love mine as much as yours and here's how you should prove otherwise." If a tattoo was important to show love, then HE would have gotten one long ago. If wearing the other half of a necklace was important then he would have bought a set to wear with his child long ago. Just like the dad that never considers fighting for custody ( and it is a fight) until he has the new wife, sounds like dh never thought to do any of these things to show a display of love .
Also as a mother I would find it to be a huge insult for any other woman to intentionally tattoo my child's name on her body. You would be the one blamed for over stepping . Just my thoughts but then what do I know, I'm old.

nikki_01's picture

ughhhhh that's what my H does. "Ask momma Nikki" and he's always saying "you have 2 moms now"
no no no no. You have 1 mom. I am not it, I am more like your babysitter lol

Glenda's picture

Seriously? And this is HIS child also?? He should be encouraging you to wear a symbol of a miracle child, and the only one you'd likely have!! News flash! SC is NOT your kid. Where's HIS tattoo of the SC. I'm not saying it would ever happen, but what if you two do not last? What if you get tired of this because unless he has an epiphany, this doesnt look like it is headed to a compromise. You'd have a SC's tattoo on you. Not that there is something wrong with that necessarily, but you were pressured into it!!

How about putting the SC's necklace in a frame in the hallway or something. "See, there is a special place for her keepsake as well. Maybe?

inconsiderate doesnt even cover it

Stay strong and stick to your guns

Brenda

nikki_01's picture

About the not lasting thing- exactly.
And at the rate he's going I'm telling you the future is looking quite foggy.
Ya'll should have heard him the other night when he was videochatting with sd!! With BM holding the phone, he was telling her how beautiful SD is and how he hopes she gets long, beautiful princess hair like her mommys (BM) and then he was saying shit like "oh wow you're in swimming and piano...we need to get you into hockey."

Like...Is my daughter going to be ugly because I have thin, short, curly hair?
Is my daughter going to be worthless when I share my love of horses and dance and pink pearly things with her?

I'm sorry, I just want a daughter of my own eventually. One I can raise to love the things I have a passion for (or maybe not, who knows) and one that people will say "awww she looks just like you" to, and most importantly, ONE I DO NOT HAVE TO SHARE WITH ANOTHER WOMAN.

nikki_01's picture

Like I said, maybe I'll get lucky and one of those property brothers will impregnate me. lmao