No win situation, advice please.
How do you handle this. Your spouse’s kids are permitted to be rude, chiefly making no effort to speak, and not being stopped from texting constantly through dinner.
I am sick of sitting there watching them be text, While I am expected to make an effort. I am not going to try to discipline then as they are too old and I am not their parent. If I say something to my spouse he defends them and becomes defensive and distant. If I just say that I will eat elsewhere then I am chastised for not making an effort.
I am sick of putting up with rudeness, and having little or no support. I cannot win if I say something on any level, and I am sick of wading through these meals this way.
My own kids never behave this way, and I am really tired of sitting at a table where this continues.
Yet, saying or doing anything will cause me to be at fault. Sorry to ramble, but I need advice.
Yes, sadly, I know. He is so
Yes, sadly, I know. He is so desperate to ignore reality that any stab the kids make at effort is viewed as heroic.
I just find it hard to bite my tongue, so I am trying to decide whether to just say nothing and seethe inwardly or avoid.
Thank you for reminding me of the sad truth!
Word!
Word!
Thank you for the kind reply
Thank you for the kind reply and suggestions. That is what I want to do.
I just hate the inevitable blame that will follow, and the reminder that I need to be the adult, never mind that one of his kids is 18, and it is ok for him to be childish.
It is just sad. I wanted things to work out better. I try to ask them about things that I know they have an interest in, and I try to share things about myself. They will only answer my questions directly and add nothing, and never once did they ever ask me one question about myself.
I struggle because I was raised to be polite to all people, and at least feign so semblance of interest, so people would feel comfortable, so it is hard to be surrounded by this behavior, and it is hard to be rude myself.
Thanks for the wise words and the smile!
Like it or not, you are not
Like it or not, you are not going to win this one without DH's help. One thing you might do is to sit everyone down and ask whether, as a favor to you, they could skip the texting at the table. Speak with DH ahead of time, and ask him if he could support you in this. Maybe if you approached it as though you wanted dinner to be "family time," they would listen. If this does not work, then, just ignore them and spend dinner talking with DH and your own children. This will not solve the problem, but it may be the best you can hope for.
He has tried to tell them
He has tried to tell them himself many times to stop playing with the phones but they just ignore him.
You advice is wise to ignore, but it is hard for me to do as it goes against ever manner I behavior by which I live.
You are correct, I sadly fear, that ignoring is the best, but hard to do. Thank you for the good ideas.
Oh hell no!!! We collect
Oh hell no!!! We collect phones at family dinners, the are muted and put in a drawer in our china cabinet right next to my wife. We did it when the Skid was living at home, we do it with guests, zero tolerance. If a phone so much as twitches it gets muted and goes in the drawer.
My parents do the same at their home when all of the extended Rags clan is in attendance for the holidays. This applys to any strays that the kids or anyone else may bring for the holidays.
I'm with Rags - no phones at
I'm with Rags - no phones at the table. The sole exception was when my Dad was in the hospital with internal bleeding and I was on 24/7 call as his blood donor.
So, he treats you like a
So, he treats you like a child and chastises you, yet lets his kids act however they want?
I am laughing just thinking about my husband trying to pull that bullshit.
Do you do the cooking? Don't. They can either lose the phones at the dinner table or there will be no dinner.
Time to have a little chat with your husband about manners, his included. I don't understand parents who are okay with raising rude, disrespectful brats.
I will say that I have never refrained from correcting kids in my own home, no matter whose kids they are. It's MY home and they will act appropriately.
i stopped eating with my SD14
i stopped eating with my SD14 several months ago. we have a no phones at the table rule, and no TV on during dinner rule (even when its just the two of us!) so that wasnt our issue. my issue is that at 14 she eats like a pig with her fingers, has her feet up all over the chair, and has basically zero table manners. I dont like sharing meals with her so i avoid it altogether and as a result my fiance has had to cook for her on his own and i eat separately or out on the two nights she's over. at holidays i try to seat myself far from her which usually works as she's at the kiddie end of the table anyway (where she sits with her 3 year old cousin who knows how to use his fork!!!).
Maybe the 3 year old could
Maybe the 3 year old could teach her.
haha, i actually said that to
haha, i actually said that to her once in front of everyone. i said "look, M knows how to use his fork!"
I can relate. PrincASS15 has
I can relate. PrincASS15 has the manners of a pig at a trough. The amount of food that boy can get onto a fork and stuff into his cavernous piehole is grotesque. HALF of a chicken breast. He can polish off a double cheeseburger in 4 bites. Last week I told DH I cannot sit at a table with PrincASS15 because it literally makes me sick to my stomach. Then again, may I SHOULD watch him it. It could be my new dieting tool.