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Need Help! Dh isn't coming home tonite

onstrike's picture

Dh has had his panties in a bunch for a few days. I know he has work stress that he has taken out on me. We haven't been getting along that well because he wants me to "do more with sd8" and I don't want to. I disengaged to a certain degree to save my sanity from the mini wife behavior. Dh demotes me when she is here and I often avoid having to witness the gross display between them. I'm treated like a 3rd wheel
It all came to a head today. Dh stonewalls me and I called him out on it today. He complains that we don't do things as a family a lot,that we do things separately. I told him my reasons why I avoid it,and he doesn't accept it
We have been going back and forth texting and he just informed me that he is staying at his sister's house tonight.
I am pissed because I feel he is triangulating this situation involving his sister and bil in our crap.
I told him I would do things with him and sd8 if he will treat me like a wife when she is around. Any advice? Am I out of line here?

Comments

Morticia's picture

Good advice, All. It's only going to get worse. You may promise to "try to do better" but you'll just get more resentful. My advice? Either he accepts your disengagement or you're outta there. He's testing you. Don't give in.

Disneyfan's picture

THIS

Husband trying to force the OP to play happy family is wrong. The OP trying to force her husband to accept her disengagement is also wrong.

onstrike's picture

Thank you! I texted him,telling him to quit acting like a teenage girl and to show up tonight if he wants to discuss things. I appreciate your advice

onstrike's picture

I got married for companionship and to enjoy family life. I am willing to go to counseling and dh says he is willing as well. I just can't understand why he can't acknowledge that I avoid doing a lot together because of miniwife and his treatment of me. I don't know why he can't act like a husband to me when she is around. It's like he feels he is cheating on her if he gives me any damn attention.

LostinSpaceandTime's picture

Go to counseling.
Stop having arguments by text.
Talk face to face about issues.
Don't chase him when he acts like a baby. Let him
Pout or think on it or whatever.
Ask him how he would feel if you aired the family business to
Everyone. Explain that him doing so will make it awkward for you to
Be around those people in the future.
Tell him if he wants to enlist people to his 'side' he should join a sports team
And leave your marriage out of it.

That's all I got for now.
Don't let the big baby ruin your holidays. Have a cup of cheer and enjoy
Your time alone if he does not come home to sleep. Send him one final text of you
Enjoying your night without him then turn off the phone. They hate it when they can't reach you.
That will bring him back faster than anything. If he does come home, hand him his pillow and show
Him the couch, punishment for upsetting you and involving the relatives. Tell him he can work it out in counseling.

Anyway. Enjoy your evening.