I need you ladies to please help me! !!
I am looking for some real girl friend type of advice...
I am 31yo, my husband of 1 year is 39, and he has a daughter 17 who lives with us full time, and visits her mom who loves 30mins away from us whenever she feels like going. My problem is this: although I made it my business not to date a man with I child, I met and married my husband. We all get a long but 1. I feel like I'm never going to have the family I always wanted although he says he wants a family. 2. I don't know if I can deal with the constant fight for his attention because she wants to be number one. It feels like she is in compatition with me and wants to be his wife. 3. He wants to wait to have kids and I feel like that once she goes to college he is not going to want to. 4. I hate doing family things with them because all I can think about is starting my own family.
He had her when he was 22 and was not really with the mom after, and I'm just starting to feel like that I'm wanting him to live a life that he really doesn't want. We do a lot just him and i, vacations, nights out, etc. And it seems like since she is almost gone he has his life back. I'm torn as to if i should wait to see if we get to start our happily ever after, or if I'm wasting my time.
I did and he thinks I'm over
I did and he thinks I'm over reacting. But that's the way he makes me feel.
I have a really good
I have a really good friendship with an ex who is married with baby now, and i talked to him about it and the reason I'm questioning it is because I'm known to just leave a relationship vs. Working it out.
That's the thing. sometimes i
That's the thing. sometimes i feel like we will be fine, he is a great dad and talks about what our kid(s) may look like, but then I feel like with all the stress his daughter brings him and how he feels giltiy because of how her mom treats her, that he would not want to make her feel less then and by starting a family with me she will feel some kind of way.
I agree with you. He says we
I agree with you. He says we are not in the perfect situation: small home, I'm not working and that's what he wants to have in order because he didn't before.
Yeah, I'd have to agree with
Yeah, I'd have to agree with the others. A man of his age would realize the size of a house doesn't matter when it comes to having a baby. When you're young and stupid it matters a lot more. When he's running out of time, it's more urgent. And he's running out of time. Not that he can't physically create a baby, but he is getting more tired every year, feeling aches and pains, and nobody wants to be chasing after a toddler when they are older, not on purpose anyway. The real question is...will you be okay with not having kids, or is this a deal breaker? If it is, you need to move on before YOU run out of time.
It depends on how hung up you
It depends on how hung up you are on the status of firsts and only. First kid, only baby mama, etc....
I am not much of a worrier. I do not worry about what might could possibly happen if XYZLMNOP …..
You have a choice. Is he the one you want to be the father of your child(ren)? Yes, or no? :?
Pretty simple. If yes then you have some work to do to get right inside yourself with the blended family situation. I can understand his wanting to wait to have another child until his prior relationship spawn launches. She is 17, you have only about a year before she will be on to her own path to adulthood and your DH can divest himself of the distraction and drama of a child an X that distracts him from his life with you.
As for happily ever after …. It can happen. Though my bride and I never had another child, once SS-22 launched and we were able to transition our focus from raising a kid together (we married a week before the kid turned 2yo) to focusing on ourselves as individuals and our lives together things just have gotten better. Last summer we had a beautiful 20th anniversary vow renewal celebration with friends and family at an amazing winery/vineyard near my bride’s home town. The kid officiated and we all had a great time.
I think happily ever after is what you make it. Your DH says he wants kids with you, go with that and quit second guessing life based on what might could possibly happen……
IMHO of course.
Good luck.
If you two decide to go ahead
If you two decide to go ahead and have a child, there is no reason that you cannot do it now. SD does not have to be out of the house for you to get pregnant. You and DH need to move on with your lives, either together or apart. But do not let DH use SD as an excuse not to have a child with you. Either he does want another child, or he does not want another child. Quit wasting you life, find out what DH plans to do, and then, you need to act accordingly. Good luck, and let us know.