I think the prefix "step" automatically brings up negative connotations - especially to those who don't have stepkids/parents. If someone you don't know inquires as to your family, I would suggest saying, "I am married to my wonderful husband (name) and he has XX kids (or a x-year old girl and a x-year old boy) from a previous marriage." Keeps the word "step" out of the conversation.

I find most people to be very ignorant about step-situations.

There are so many people who assume that I absolutely love my SD and that I'm super involved in her life. I get asked questions about how SD likes school, if she takes swimming lessons, etc. I honestly don't really know the answers to the questions people ask about SD's every day life.

I also find that people assume I know BM and get along with her or have any interest talking about her. My BM moved to my hometown a few years ago, so the odd person who I'm still in touch with there will say, "I saw BM the other day," as though I care.

All of my friends are in their early twenties so they are still running around wild and free while Im over here….Ha! Owell each life has its perks I guess.

But yeah I understand how you feel, my family doesn't believe in divorce (BibleBelters) and there has never been a divorce in our family so when I tell people "oh this is SS3" its kinda awkward at first. But they don't question my choice, they love him as if he is mine and DHs and say their obligatory "oh well that's unfortunate" when he's with BM. But I can tell from their reaction this life is not exactly what they envisioned for me if that makes sense.

Yes, it can be very awkward. I work in a small office, and my co-workers have no doubt in their minds how I feel about SD7. We jokingly refer to EVERY Friday she comes to stay as "Friday the 13th". The funny thing is that a few of them work/have worked in the school system and they're familiar with her behavioral issues. Other people not in the savvy will try to make nice conversation about her, and I just talk pleasantly about her like I would if she was any other kid. I really hate it when people say she looks like me just to make conversation.

I have never made my situation as a Step Dad a secret and no topic is taboo. At lease it has not been for me. Interestingly I was frequently the go to advice guy for newly single dads at my work when they were struggling with adjusting to being the checkbook instead of the husband/father.

My advice was always for the guys to lay down the law from day one and bring the pain if the X or kids failed to gain clarity and live by the rules. Invariably the new victim would try the "Oh she will be reasonable" approach and write the big checks far beyond the CS order until..... the Dad would buy a new car, or get a girlfriend, then the X would get toxic and start the PAS cycle. The dads would often stop by my office months or years later and say "I should have listened to you. You were right."

My XW and I did not have kids but my life as a Step Dad and husband to a former single teen mom who was locked in constant battle with the shallow and polluted end of the Skid's gene pool did give me clarity and experience that I could use to advise the guys and even a few ladies in my offices who were going through the demise of a fertile marriage that included kids.

I never referred to my son or myself with the Step prefix. But when I was locked in a pitch battle with the Sperm Clan it was no secret in my offices that we were dealing with the situation firmly and directly.

I'm lucky, my boss had a step kid who was a complete waste of space (previous marriage) so he totally gets it. He will often ask, 'skids this weekend, or are you going to get to enjoy your days off?' (Yes, I have everyone saying 'skids' now, lol) The other people I talk with frequently here are well aware of how I feel. I also never refer to them as my 'stepkids', they are 'my husband's children'.