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custody evaluation wrapping up.....

bibleofdreams's picture
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I am extremely nervous that I messed this up for my husband somehow. I'm not super involved in the parenting duties like he is, but I didn't lie or hold back when the evaluator asked about my opinion of biomom. Anyway, I just wanted to gather experiences from others about the process and outcome. thanks so much.

Maxwell09's picture

I read somewhere that although bashing the other parent is not good, a GAL will be just as wary if you pretended everything is all sunshine and rainbows. It's okay to express your concerns about BM to them to enlighten them on the important stuff but as long as you weren't just vomiting at the mouth how terrible she is you should be okay.

Stormyweather's picture

And what happens if the facts are defamatory and against BM.....if I was asked this question, I wouldn't be able to help myself to explain "the facts too". BM has caused so many issues, all from the comfort of her home as her BF dosent want SS15 living with them. As a result, SS15 has tried to kill himself numerous times and we are left with the emotional fall out of her bad decision making on "behalf" of SS15. It amounts to nothing now as BM recently filed a restraining order on her OWN son. Bitch.

Rags's picture

Facts are never defamatory. They are not good, they are not bad, they are just facts. The behaviors that generate the facts are what are good or bad and those are on BM in this case.

IMHO you can't go wrong by sticking to the facts and referencing them frequently.

AllySkoo's picture

Yup, and those are facts. Just to illustrate Rags point (not picking on you Ditz, just continuing your example!), it would be different if you said something like, "She's a trashy drag addict. She'd do anything for her next fix including pimp out her kids, and she's a piss poor excuse for a mother who doesn't deserve them."

Dtzy's example is pure fact, supported by court record. My hypothetical one is personal opinion and conjecture, which happen to be based on one underlying fact (drug use). Sadly for me, that one fact is buried under my opinion and venting, and the GAL would be likely to miss the fact and just see how I bashed mom. See the difference?

bibleofdreams's picture

I made a point of how long/hard I tried to support their relationship (about a year and a half solid of encouraging her to talk to her mom about problems they had w each other). Biomom would gaslight her or tell her that her feelings were wrong or just yell at her so I quit encouraging SD to make herself vulnerable to that after awhile.

I just can't pretend to like or respect her. She says stuff like "my way is the best and if only other people were as smart as me the world would work much better and I wouldn't have to worry all the time". She blogs about stuff like that constantly. :sick: Very proud of her narcissism.

bibleofdreams's picture

I am far from stupid, I genuinely want the evaluator to make the best decision based on the facts. I don't see this as a thing to "win", I see it as the evaluator making a decision that affects my step daughter and I don't want her to base it on an act or a lie. So everyone clamoring to call me stupid- shut up and think for a second.

I don't think I feel bad about it anymore now that I've had to defend myself here. I put up with a lot of negative talk from myself that I would not from other people I guess.

I know for a fact biomom said much worse about me to the evaluator. She says I am the entire reason for the custody dispute (she does not own any of the choices that landed her in the dispute, like neglect and bringing lots of criminal boyfriends home to meet SD). I mostly said I was upset at the way that she involves my SD in parental conflicts, makes agreements and breaks them, and has been so emotionally abusive to my spouse during and after their marriage. I said I tried hard to find something good about her but coudn't. Its the truth. If that makes me unfit as a step parent then I guess I am unfit.

furkidsforme's picture

I don't read that anyone was attacking you or calling you stupid.

You asked opinions of if what you did was ok, and people gave you a fair warning that *sometimes* it can be a poor strategic move to disclose some issues with BM. Others chimed in that *sometimes* you have to make that move and disclose negative issues. There are arguments pro and con for both sides.

I'm sure you did just fine and have absolutely nothing to worry about. These GALS understand that tensions run on both sides. You sound like a smart lady, I'm sure you handled it well.

bibleofdreams's picture

thanks. Its easy to feel attacked. I am sure everyone here knows the feeling of always being in the wrong bc you're a step parent.