Unreal

Calypso1977's picture

So BM allowed SD14 to go to a holiday concert in the city on a school night (this was sunday). SD nonchalantly makes a comment to her dad that "oh, im gonna have to sleep in and go to school late tomorrow".

BM allowed this nonsense, and my fiance had no idea until he got an email from the school with a tardy notice. SD was dropped off 2 hours late so she could sleep! How irresponsible!

He further divulged to me that she's has FIVE other tardies this school year. WTF!

She also is in all the slow-joe basic classes and barely passing. She told me the other day she has a D in math and didnt think it was a big deal because "the teacher is mean".

Fiance is going to make one last ditch attempt with BM to get the kid in tech school for next year (they have to decide and sign up by January) but i know it wont happen because its all about being with the friends and having a good time! A couple of teachers said she could benefit from the tech as well. And BM and her whole family are graduates of the tech. Its not a bad school at all. This girl needs something to do when she turns 18 because it aint gonna be college that's for sure.

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

When the Twilight movies came out, SheSloth was still living with BM. BM would let her go to the midnight opening of the movie (which was Thursday night), and miss school on Friday because "she didn't get to sleep until about 3:30 a.m." Seriously? She did this with every chapter! I'm sorry...a movie is NOT a reason to miss school! You can take the kid to go see it on the weekend!

StepMat789's picture

You need to disengage. The problem though is you most likely have children and grand kids who are growing up pretty normal. Know right from wrong and how to behave in society. We all have different ways to parent and the problem is when we step into an already made family, we never grew with these kids. We never held them when they were little and loved them unconditionally.

Disengage and allow disney dad to take on all the responsibilities. GO for a walk. I do all the time.

Biomomof2's picture

I'm sorry, BUT as a mother ... DD has 5 tardiness so far this year. 2... She has Mono. Those who know, know it NEVER goes away. There are some days she (DD is 11, started her period a year ago) is wiped out between her period and the virus and I don't make her get up. What go will her being at school unable to function be?? I know this is a little different as DD has a doctors note to state this...
But DD is also learning disabled. She really needs to be there... But health is important too.
As far as the movies, I per don't do it, as I don't think its right, but I know a lot of parents that do want to share that excitement with their children. You only get once to make memories with them. I know I judged a friend who did they same with all Twilight movies (come on, they came out years ago!!!!) her DD was 15 when the last came out. I had been friends with mom for 20 years at this point. Mom explained it to me like this, her DD will be gone in 3 years. She has only one childhood, and mom wants the memories to be of them doing shared interests and not everything being rules and such. It was a great opportunity to build exciting memories. While I personally wouldn't do it, I can't fault it.
My DD either 3 tardies are from classes during the day. They have 3 minutes to get from one class to another. I don't expect DD to be a robot. So I told her, 1-2 tardies a month because it is not enough time to get all the way across campus unless you are quick (I know I tried) fine, anymore and she will be in trouble.
Her school rule... 6 tardies in a grading period (semesters but progress reports every 6 weeks, those are the periods they mean) and they get Saturday school. DD knows if she gets Saturday school she will owe me time as well.
Here's my point. It's very easy to pick apart someone else's parenting. But these issues are not the worst out there.
I suggest you back up alittle

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

I get what you are saying about making memories...but you can do that without getting in the way of school. Not to mention, at the time, SheSloth had a bad attendance problem! When living with BM, SheSloth was in danger of being held back several times because of knocking on the door of too many absences! SheSloth doesn't have any medical issues, but BM would let the girl stay home whenever she said she felt "ugh" and didn't want to go! SheSloth and BM would spend the day curled up on the couch watching stupid things on TV, as BM has not worked a day, and does nothing but sit around watching TV anyway. Made memories? Sure. However, SheSloth's grades have always struggled. Even now in high school, she claims things are too hard most of the time.

SheSloth has tried the "I fell ugh" thing here. My rule with my kids has ALWAYS been that if you are sick, you stay in bed. You only come out to go to the bathroom or get something to eat, but you stay in bed. You will NOT lay around in front of the TV all day. Amazing all the miraculous recoveries SheSloth has made since living with us when she is told if she stays home she has to stay in bed! The few times she has missed school and didn't complain about staying in bed, there was evidence that she was more than likely up all night on the computer or phone! No, DH does not mandate that all electronics come out of her room at night, even knowing that this is a problem!

The OP has been a regular around here, and this child is in no way stable enough in their school work to be allowed to miss time from school for silly things. Not to mention, as a parent, what are you teaching a kid? In the real world, it is NOT okay to call into work because you went to a movie or concert. Do it too much, you get fired.

Calypso1977's picture

i made some amazing memories with my parents and i never missed school for silly things. ever.

this concert SD went to? it was playing SEVERAL NIGHTS. not only did BM book it on our weekend (and have to ask to get SD early) but she picked the SUNDAY night rather than FRIDAY night. Friday night would nto have interfered with visitation and its not a school night.

SD also ended up being "sick" on tuesday this week. probably more like TIRED since she had a late night right at the start of the week.

again her mother treats her as if she's a good kid, great student, well behaved, well mannered, adn she's anything but! Privileges are for GOOD KIDS not Punks.

Biomomof2's picture

Okay. Yeh will attendance already an issue I agree completely. I was reading it as this is maybe a once a year (Twilight as the example) deal. Like I said, I don't do it. But my friend explained to me her feelings and while I didn't agree I couldn't fault it either.
If attendance is a regular issue, the parents don't make it worse!!!! School is their only job. And yes, sometimes people call in to work for that rare once in awhile event. But just don't want to go so curl up on the couch !!?!? Nope!!!!

ocs's picture

I never missed school to make 'memories'. I respectfully say, "bullshit.' I have wonderful memories with my folks, I respect and love them more because of how responsible they made me.

Rules and such are how the world works.

Biomomof2's picture

I think you missed the part were I said this was explained to me by a friend... I personally don't do it, but here it another side to this.

Rags's picture

No kid is going to remember seeing a movie other than that they did see the movie, no kid is going to remember a video game other than they played it once. And for damned sure no kid is going to remember a happy meal toy that they pitched a fit for and mommy or daddy caved to the screams and got it for them.

What kids remember is hikes, camping, trips, projects, etc... that they do with their parents.

IMHO of course.

ocs's picture

LOL- yes... disengagement...this has been my saviour.

I find that when BM's aren't educated, they have no value for it.

Case in point:
1. BM took sd then 11 out of school for 3.5 weeks because she moved and couldn't be bothered to get her to school

2. One Xmas she took her out for a MONTH to go on vacation, SD was 12

3.whenever one of BM's other kids is sick, SD stays home to be nursemaid.

It's so sad. Whenever she says something about the nice things DH and I have, I tell her about our years at university. meh.

She is now 15, lets hope she finishes high school...

Calypso1977's picture

ah, once again we parallel.....

BM barely made it through tech school. flunked out of an associates degree program 2 or 3 times.

she supposedly made a comment awhile back to her lawyer that she was "jealous" of all the money fiance and i have and that some of it should be hers because of "all the years they were married". um, you did get some of it. you got a house (albeit your parents house) and a nice cash settlement. sorry my fiance INVESTED his cash settlement instead of pissing it away. and do you think its fun, BM, to work 50-60 hours a week day in and day out? we EARN every bit of our vacations, thank you very much.

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

Oh, yeah...I gotta love when BM starts bringing up things in this house, and how good DH and I have it. It is because we both WORK! Oh, and honey...I make most of the money in this house, so NO, your "princess" is not entitled to get whatever she wants just because I have a good job! I take care of mine, you take care of yours!

Aniki-Moderator's picture

WHY do some of these BMs and BFs think their kids are entitled to the stepparent's money?! BioMonster had a bloody fit when she found out the skids got new mattresses - memory foam, at that. She called DH and raged about where the heck he got the money (also still fuming because the judge told her she couldn't have another red cent from DH). DH told her HE didn't buy them and that I DID. BioMonster was all "Whaaaaaat?!?!?" Then she was forever "dropping hints" that maybe "Aniki could buy it". I said to DH (he was on the phone with her) that I would buy things IF and WHEN I wanted to do so. But if it convenienced that filthy skank in ANY way, shape or form, there was no way in HADES I'd do it. Funny...she hasn't asked for anything these last few months... Bahahahahaaaaaa!!!

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

Oh, I get that, too! Whenever DH explains to BM that he doesn't make what she thinks he makes...that I actually have a very good job...she will start to hint that maybe I can do this or buy that. DH will tell me this, and I simply say, "Hell no! MAYBE if she wanted SheSloth to have this or that above and beyond...maybe SHE should get a job and actually start contributing! Last I checked, she doesn't pay a single cent to us to help raise this child, so she has no say in what should be provided as long as the child's BASIC needs are being met!"

Aniki-Moderator's picture

I am SO thankful my DH does NOT pass on BioMonster's ridiculous requests. He was raised by a single mother and I was raised in a big family, so neither of us grew up expecting more More MORE or expensive things or name brand stuff. If we wanted something, we had to EARN it. VERY foreign concept for many today. More than once when I've purchased something for the skids, DH says I don't have to. I always say I KNOW I don't; I'm doing it because I WANT to.

ocs's picture

BM wanted more money because of my salary, and one day DH used my car to drop off SD. Upon seeing my kick ass ride, BM wanted more money, and told SD to ask. :jawdrop:

I outlined my years at school and my current work schedule... BM stays home and has had a half assed job once in 8 years.

and as you say, Calypso, think its fun to work 50-60 hour weeks? DH and I have eyes on the prize thankyouverymuch.

BTW- my favourite radio station here is playing calypso and reggae christmas- i've been jammin' all day

Calypso1977's picture

if this new job works out, i will be getting a new car with my slight bump in pay. but im currently driving an 8 year old car with 100K miles! but i know that she will think he bought it for me since she thinks that's how life works - men buying you crap all the time so you dont have to!

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

We often think that around these boards! BM has SheSloth believing that whatever she wants, she just needs to demand it from DH! It is okay to live off of the men in your life! Dear daddy is just supposed to buy clothes, makeup, guard stuff, etc. However, ask her to do anything around this house, how dare you! Take out trash? Do some dishes? Are you serious?!

Somuchdrama's picture

My SD13 is a gold-digger in training! She wants to be just like the troll. Thick eyeliner and too tight clothes. So disgusting. You should see how much she had her bra stuffed for her winter formal! All she needs is clear heels on the way down her career path.

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

Yup...got one of those! Can't leave the house without her makeup on...not even just to run to Sonic or the grocery store! And it ALWAYS has to be the thick, cat eye liner! The girl is well endowed, and she uses it to her advantage! Just watch he when she is talking to a guy...she sticks those girls way out there! Butt shorts, leggings as pants (many see through), short skirts, low cut tops or just a cami over a bra, etc. If DH is in a bad mood, he will say something about it. Otherwise, that's how she bounces around!

Somuchdrama's picture

I don't think I could look at that in my house. I would have to tell her to put some clothes on. As soon as the skids come in I make them change clothes as if something is too tight or trashy it gets "lost" in the laundry. I can't understand why a mother would purposely make her child look like a whore. Do these BM's want to be a Grandma of a 15 year old?

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

Oh, I do say something about it! But shorts are forbidden outside of her bedroom, but she still wears them. I will come out of my office, and there she is on the couch showing half her ass! I tell her to put on PJ pants or something that covers her butt to sit around the house? Huffs and stomps...or totally ignored! DH tells her? Same thing. She pulled this just last week! DH came home from work...and there she sat! He told her to put on some real clothes, and she was reminded that butt shorts were NOT to be worn outside of her bedroom. She said "okay" and just continued to sit there. I let some time go by, then told DH in front of her, "Don't you just love how you tell her to do something, and she just sits there?" She huffs and stomps off when DH orders her again to put some clothes on!

The very next morning...DH calls her out for breakfast, I see SheSloth emerge from the hallway, and she is in butt shorts again! I stop her in her tracks and ask her how many times she needs to be told and tell her to go put on some pants! She huffs and stomps off, and then has a little fit by staying in her room and refusing to come out for breakfast...because I "yelled" at her (didn't yell, spoke in a stern voice...but to her, that is yelling).

Somuchdrama's picture

I think her entire skanky wardrobe should be thrown away and replaced by modest Goodwill clothes from the 80's:)

Aniki-Moderator's picture

I could not imagine ever dressing that way in front of my parents. Ew!!!