You are here

Just don't understand DH's daughter

Disillusioned's picture

A few days ago a Christmas card arrives in the mail from DH's eldest daughter

Cute pic of SGS on the front, on the back she has addressed the card to "Grandpa DH & Grandma Disillusioned" completely unlike her with super mushy "can't wait to see you on Christmas" etc... etc... even signed it "Love" with lots of X0's

So unlike her and all her years of resentful angry behaviour to DH and especially me

I realize she is in one of her "up" cycles with me again, but I so don't get it!! Someone who goes years of hating the ground you walk on and making sure everyone knows it, to behaving somewhat normally for a while, back to the nasty hostility

The difference this time round is I haven't fallen for the "up cycle" and jumped backed on board kissing her ass and bending over backwards to please

This time round I have kept my distance. I'm polite and as classy as I can be, but I do not chase after a relationship with her like I have in the past. Not only because I simply do not trust her, but I have lost my desire to for that after all is said and done

I don't understand where she is coming from. It was much easier to deal with her when her hatred was obvious and she behaved in in a badly concealed way, but now that she is putting on this sweet and friendly front or whatever it is, I shake my head trying but in the end just give up understanding where she is coming from

Disillusioned's picture

Could be Annith, just that she spent so many years hating me and I have no doubt still does however hidden, so surprising she would even go there with me

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Accept it for what it is, a nice card, and no more. Actions speak a lot louder than cards and I always believe that people can change, in many cases, especially as they get older and more years of life experience under their belt.

This being said, by no means do you, or should you gush all over her. Just play it polite, cool, caring for the grandchild. Trust her...no. Just be polite and classy, those good manners go far.

I have known instances where children, adult children, have or at least must have been, visited like Scrooge was in a Christmas Carol and have changed their ways and attitudes. I put that down to things like growing up, having children of one's own, and facing the fact that parents aren't going to be around forever.

Give her a chance, but don't let your guard down.

Stormyweather's picture

Or she is (always has been) borderline personality disorder and they cycle through valuing people (puts them on a pedestal), only to then devalue them in the blink of an eye.

still learning's picture

^^LOL

Disillusioned's picture

That's interesting Stormyweather, my sister has mentioned to me on a few occasions that she thinks DH's eldest may be borderline...

Disillusioned's picture

Yes I agree StepAside, definitely have my guard up, but am hoping that she might just be growing up finally like your two older SD's. Here's hoping your YSD is getting there too!

Disillusioned's picture

Yes skeeter and catmom4, will be interesting to see if the behavior continues...although she seems to have been up and down like this for a while now...

Newimprvmodel's picture

I think step aside it is more likely to change if you had a decent relationship PRIOR to the war. You can look back on those good times and build on something again. Whereas someone like myself, who basically has never had any relationship with DH's daughters, the odds are much less. In fact I have a very hard time as claiming any type of relationship by referring to them as MY stepdaughters. It takes more effort to write "my DH's daughters, as opposed to SD, but I do 99 percent of the time on here!

Rags's picture

"Thanks for the card." End of discussion.

Don't sweat her motivations. You can't reason with or understand crazy.