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anyone else dealing with a hoarder?

bibleofdreams's picture

it has made chore issues impossible because being able to walk from one side of the room to the other has always been SD's definition of clean. So is wearing a bra for a week and underpants for 2-3 days. In SD's eyes I am the abnormal one because my house is not crammed full of shit 24/7 and I get rid of things that are no longer useful.

The BM hoarder has very low insight and does it because she loves stuff more than people. She hoards clothes and shoes and other items for her personal exclusive usage. It was so bad she took over SD's closet and bought a cheap plastic set of drawers for SD's clothes to be in.

BM manages to keep her living room and kitchen relatively clean, and that's it. there are always 1 or 2 rooms no one is allowed in, and the closet is constantly exploding everywhere. She sleeps in a cacoon of unfolded laundry on one side and dogs on the other. so fucking weird.

Ninji's picture

I think SD10 could be on the edge of being a hoarder, but I blame SO for that. She will not donate or get rid of any of her old stuff and when I try to help her, SO says, don't you want to keep that for memories?

She has NO closet space left all her book shelfs are full and her dresser top is over flowing. I do go in there when she is at BM's house and I throw out trash and I have donated some of her baby toys and books. Neither her or SO have ever noticed.

momandmore's picture

I have been doing the same recently. DH knows I have been throwing clothes away from SS14 and SD8 that are too small and they just don't want to get rid of. I have donated or handed down a lot of SD's clothes bc I spent a lot of money on them to just throw them away but she now has way too many. I throw a little away when I do the laundry instead of washing and I go through some while they are at school. They haven't even noticed anything missing.

Maxwell09's picture

My DH is a hoarder! Before I moved in, I made him go through every cabinet and closet and get rid of anything that served no purpose! He had old school notebooks and old electronic cords for phones he hadn't had in years. Two years later and I make him periodically "spring clean" his closet and the shed which is where I banned his junk into hiding. It can get frustrating especially when Im trying to wheel the vacuum out and a damn mallet falls on my foot. I guess I should be grateful its not knickknacks or porcelain figurines more just tools, electronic pieces, remotes.

Ninji's picture

I purposefully purchased a dresser with a built in box on the top that has a lid. For his hoard of receipts, tools, etc etc. It's packed full and he now puts all his work stuff (pens, keys, access card etc) on the dining room table. I'm so sick of cleaning the crap up that I now just put everything where his plate goes and me and the kids eat. He has to clean up his junk before he can eat.

Biomomof2's picture

My OCD son is. I have figured out how to get him to get rid of old toys. A friend has a little boy who is 3 that BS absolutly loves. He boxes toys up and takes them to him. He loves giving the toys a new home where they are played with (as they should be says BS)

BethAnne's picture

My mil is and according to my husband bm has those tendencies too (though no where near as bad). MIL is so bad, my husband has banned me from going into her house because he is too embarrassed. His view is that it is a security/safety thing. She feels or has felt in the past insecure about her living arrangements and being able to keep all of her things helps her to feel more secure and safe where as getting rid of any of it makes her anxious.

Can you work out why your SD feels a need to hoard things? Does she get upset if she has to get rid of something? Is therapy an option?

bibleofdreams's picture

It is just normal to her. She just doesn't see the problem with having so much stuff. She will say she can find anything in her room when she needs it but in reality she is losing things all the time. SD has never lived with anyone else besides her biomom and biodad so she has no idea that her mom is a hoarder. I think she has been to one sleep over in her whole life, and her mom disapproves of her friends so she hasn't been in other kids houses at all really. There is enough weirdness in their dynamic to fill a book though, and SD just doesn't have a lot of insight about it. I asked a therapist and they said therapy is worthless for people who have little insight into their own behavior. If she wants it I will help her get it. I just don't know how well she is going to do when she gets out into the real world and no one will be there to make sure the mess doesn't get out of control.

Rags's picture

My ILs are just like this. Their home, garage, and just about every square foot of their property is crammed full of crap. All of it has some notable and mysterious importance. Outside is a series of tarp covered piles of moldy boxes full of crap. There are pathways that are used to navigate and those are the only clear areas anywhere in their home or on their property. I refused to go to their home shortly after my bride and I married and when we visit we stay in a hotel while they gnash their teeth and get all offended that we won't stay with them.