Caught in a lie!!
My dh and I have been married for 10 years and are currently estranged from 2 of his 3 kids. msd for five years and ss for about 7 months. We had been estranged from all 3 at on point but now working on relationship with osd
From the beginning of our married, his kids have been very secretive. Secretive about themselves, each other and especially bm. We were always treated as the enemy. I know they had strict instructions from bm never to mention anything about her but when the skids were at our home bm would call and you could tell she was interrogating them. We tried counseling but bm made things just impossible. She would call and change appointments, yell at the counselor demanding she tell us nothing about anything skids would say in their sessions. dh and I were paying for the counseling but bm seemed to be the one in control. Ok that is history.
I share all that to give you some background.
Now that we are estranged from msd and ss it seems osd brings their names up almost as a way of poking at me. I really don't want to hear anything about them but she and her husband will bring something up about the two estranged skids. Not only do they mention the estranged skids but they will mention bm. Told me that bm was taking all of them to sea world, bla bla bla.
Bm got remarried last year and osd tells us that bm is selling her home and had moved into her husbands home and that she is going to reduce her employment to part time. bm was a stay at home mom for 23 years while married to my now dh.
Anyway, osd's husband brings the grand-kids down for a visit and told us that they had gone swimming at bm old house a couple weeks earlier as it was the last chance to swim in her pool before it was to sell. my dh ask "so has bm already closed on her house?" and the sil advised that yes she had just closed on it and that she got a good price.
I try to keep up with the real estate in our area and our agent sends me emails about local listings so I already new bm was selling her house. A couple months after sil had told us bm's house had closed I get a email showing bm's house and that the price had been reduced. I tell my dh that sil lied to us. dh thinks sil just didn't understand.
ok, fast foward. dh and I go and visit osd, sil, and grand-kids. one of the grand-kids comes running up to us as we are walking toward the front door and he is telling us that bm & her husband are getting divorced cause "he lied to her". my sgs is only 4 years old btw. osd then tells us that yes her mom is getting divorced and has already moved back into her old house.
I know that I am analytical and that can be a pain in the butt, but I am thinking "what was there to gain by telling us a lie about bm selling her house?"
I don't mean to be
I don't mean to be insensitive to your upset. I am left asking myself - what difference does it make?
Is this SIL your hubby's sister? She's still friendly with BM? If that's the case, SIL picked sides so who cares what SIL tells you? Or maybe BM lied to SIL and SIL just passed on what she was told by BM.
In my experience, BMs lie because they can. That's it.
Don't drive yourself nuts and just let it go. Who needs it?
Sorry, I identified our
Sorry, I identified our son-n-law with sil. This is my osd's spouse.
OK - I just assumed SIL was
OK - I just assumed SIL was sister in law but I guess it could mean Son in law too!
Anyway he is basically a skid (by marriage) so I would ignore him, too. Especially if he's a liar. Skids and BMs will lie whenever they can.
As long as the lie doesn't
As long as the lie doesn't actually affect you then don't worry about it.
Sadly the only thing that
Sadly the only thing that some kids have to feel good about one or the the other of their parents is a lie. My skid was this way for years and years. His entire Sperm Clan are a bunch of worthless entitled POS toothless morons. He struggled for years to find something positive about them to focus on and would defend their idiot bullshit as they went down in flames.
We never badmouthed them but neither did we allow their toxic bullshit to go unchallenged. We kept the light on the facts of their usless POS status and set the example to the Skid of what a marriage between viable adults of character looks like. Once he aged out from under the the Custody/Visitation/Support CO and the Sperm Clan quit all contact with him he gained clarity. Until the CO was no longer active they used him as a pawn to manipulate his mother and to try to guilt us into letting them off of the hook for CS. Once the CO expired he did not hear from them for years. When they finally did contact him it was to try to guilt him into sending money to support his three younger also out of wedlock Sperm Idiot spawned half sibs by two other baby mamas. Even that did not entirely provide him with clarity. But as the Sperm Idiot and Sperm GrandHag started marginalizing Spawn #2 when she started to get a mind and will of her own he finally wrote the shallow and polluted end of his gene pool off. He maintains a LDR with his younger sister and less so with his two younger brothers but as for the Sperm Idiot, Sperm GrandHag and Sperm GrandPa he has no use for them. When they start guilting him into visiting he tells them he will visit when they send him a round trip ticket and not before. He will not use any of his own money to facilitate a relationship with them.
Interestingly he will gladly travel to visit my side of the family frequently and anytime his mom and/or I are available stateside he goes to great lengths to see us.
So, no doubt your Skid felt the need to lie her ass off just to give herself the delusion of something positive regarding her womb donor. Not sure what is positive or praisworthy about selling a house though. If it were me I would be all proud of a worthless POS parent winning a Nobel Prize or something.
I've learned to promptly
I've learned to promptly leave the room whenever sis in law (DH's sister) or ss26 starts talking about BM or ss30. I never ask about them and really don't care what's going on in their lives and don't want their stories and version of life in my head. Sad that 4yr grandkid is repeating the cycle of drama instead of being allowed to be a kid.