I don't have that situation because BM and DH were never married, but if it did it would bother me. I should be the only one.

Sometimes tho, people keep it out of convenience. It was a pain in the ass to change my name and if I had my married name for a long time, I might not feel like changing it back either.

~*~I'm THE wife. Not wifey or wife material or #2. THE WIFE~*~

I understand where you are coming from. My Dh's ex did not keep his name, however I did when I got divorced. I wanted to keep the same last name as my child. Easier for my son, easier for school purposes etc. And I have it still, as my middle name. I dont like hyphenated names. I see how it would bother you though. I guess I never thought of it from the new wifes perspective. Hmm?

I actually still use my exes last name. Mainly because I am too lazy to go and change it right before I get married to fiance and have to change it again. But also because I spent 10 years with this name. It is who I am to most people. It would be confusing for me to go back to a name most people I know now didn't know existed. I can't wait til I get my fiance's name though!

On the other side of that though BM still uses the email address she had with fiance's last name and it bothers me a LOT....mostly because they were never married in the first place. She didn't earn that name.

Yeah, I hate it, but of course, she wants to have the same name as her kids. This is part of the reason why I kept my name when we got married instead of taking DH's -- I didn't want to share his name with her.

To be honest, though, it's bugging me a lot less lately. Why? Because DH finally put his foot down and doesn't take her sh*t anymore. And it has made her completely furious. So, I'm guessing that she is not thrilled to share HIS name anymore, either. That's an okay consolation prize for me!

BB

You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. - 2BLoved

I HATE it. I never met this woman. She has no contact with the kids and a few once in 8 year texts came a month or so ago and yet she still has DHs name. She wont give it up! They've been divorced for 11 years and she wont let it go. They were only married like 2 years. It just irks me that she's running around out there with his last name. Dumb terd.

I will have my ex's last name until I get remarried. It's the last name of my children. I'm not particularly fond of it, but what a pain in the ass to change it until I get remarried.

**my stepdaughters did not grow in my tummy, they grew in my heart**

My husband's ex just hypenated his last name with her new husbands last name. She always pays child support with a cashiers check and we recently had to pay her back for 1/2 of the visitation cost and we decided to send a money order. She sent him a very huffy "hurt" email about the fact that she can't cash it because the bank info was still under "their" last name (sounding all like "you should have known I wouldn't change it")...... OMFG this woman is CRAZY!! My husband HATES that she still uses it.

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“Only one thing has to change for us to know happiness in our lives: where we focus our attention.”

Stepof1, I cannot agree with you more! I don't mean to sound mean, but it makes absolutely NO SENSE whatsoever for an ex to "keep" anyone else's last name after they divorce that person!! You are divorced for a reason - you are no longer a couple and are no longer together - and the LEGAL connection/partnership has been severed. Sorry, but the reasons that I'm reading just seem like lame excuses:

(1) "it's just such a pain in the a#$ to change my name" is such a copout! If there are legal documents drawn up discussing the terms of the Divorce Decree, then this should be required to be one of those terms!! "Jane Roe must cease and desist from using her married name Roe and must immediately resume her former/maiden name of Jane Doe". Going to a couple of government offices to submit a Divorce Decree isn't hard work, ladies!! Whether you work long hours or not, it can be done!!
(2) "I keep my ex's last name because it's the same last name as my kids"...OK, lets think about that one for a common sense minute: you don't stop being their MOTHER (legally or otherwise) just because your last name goes back to your maiden name!! It doesn't take all that much effort to simply submit a copy of the Divorce Decree/Order to your child's school, doctors, etc... for them to note the child's file/records that you are still their mother (that right can & will never be taken away from you unless YOU cause it). Also, don't you think that your children get a bit CONFUSED as they get older when you're divorced & apart from their Dad, but yet you use his/their last name still anyway? Especially those women that then move forward to become engaged/married afterward to someone else??

I don't mean to generalize, but keeping an EX's last name, IMO, is nothing but SELFISHNESS. Is it possible you are just "hanging on" to your EX and that you are just being stubborn or spiteful about it? Be HONEST with yourself when you think about it. Your EX's future fiancee'/wife shouldn't have to deal with their man's EX-WIFE still using their last name!! Don't you, as a woman, totally agree?? MOVE FORWARD WITH YOUR LIFE ALREADY!! By keeping your EX's last name, you are unfortunately keeping yourself "stuck" in the past. Again, I know my post seems harsh and rude - and I assure all of you on ST that it is not intended in that way. It is intended to be a constructive criticism and to make people THINK about how their actions/selfishness affect others. I apologize if this came across rude or disrespectful or harsh. Just me hoping to open up a productive, lively conversation about something that really should be simple. I know there are some exceptions to the generalizations I may have made, and I respect those.

I never had to deal with this, and I remarried before my ex got into a serious relationship, so his GF didn't have to deal with me keeping his last name either (which I did for 2 years). My MIL however is a nutcase. She has been married 6 times. Her 2nd husband was my DH's dad. She was married 4 times after him. After her last divorce, which happened 3.5 years ago, she changed her name back to our last name. Dh's stepmom was pissed! But she wanted the same last name as her sons' I guess. I found it sorta weird, especially since we are all adults now. I figured she would change it back to her maiden, her parent's, which she lives next door to. So I asked her about it, and she tells me she doesnt want DHs SM to be the one to have the same last name as her grandchildren, she should get to also, since she's their "REAL" grandmother. That was harsh, but I will admit his SM is a piece of crap!

"I child proofed my whole house, but they STILL get in!"

Wow. I have no reason to keep my exes last name other than I am not changing it twice. My ex doesn't even have a current wife, just a girlfriend of 3 months. My daughters would not have to go to therapy if I changed my name back to maiden, but they are already struggling with the last name thing. Schools are retarded and I can see them having an issue with my using my maiden name.

I don't really get the amount of hate spewed out on BM keeping the last name they were legally given by their ex husbands. It is my legal name. I am not tormenting anyone by keeping it. If someone else having your new husbands last name causes that much insecurity perhaps you need to look harder at the relationship rather than at the BM who was legally given their name by marriage and do not have to change it just to please you.

I see both sides of this issue, I just can't believe the hate coming from some of you over this.

DH's X kept the name until she remarried. So for about 3 years she literally had my name because we have the same first name. What I decided to do when we married was to return to my maiden name & I am glad I did. I did it to honor my late father. It also helps avoid all sorts of financial problems typical of second marriages. So, it kinda bothered me that she literally had my name---but it changed when she remarried.

If the last name was legally given by marriage, then it should be legally taken away by divorce. Makes sense to me! You're not married to that person legally anymore, so LEGALLY you should have to give up THEIR last name.

Actually, you can have that written into a divorce document, but you have to do it right when you are divorcing. Otherwise, you can't force the ex to change her name back.

**Love me or hate me, I'm still gonna shine!!**

I feel the exact same way... DH's Ex wife kept his last name because she had a son from a previous relationship who had a different name and then SD has DH last name and she said she didnt wanna feel left out... LEFT OUT?!!! WTF?! ughh makes me so mad...and youd think since she has been in a new relationship for a little while that she would want to change it...ughh hopefully she gets remarried soon!