I made a mistake please help
Long story short. My fiance has a daughter. Her mother is aperson who I've tried to become friends with but she refuses to be nice. I don't hate her for that because I think she thinks I'm doing it to be mean(which I'm not). I genuinely wAnt to be her friends solely for the sake of my future husband to have peace because I thought if we could be nice to each other it would make co parenting easier. But regardless,I just stay away and don't say anything when they fight and thing like that. Well I usually help him with things for his daughter sometimes. Not too be a replacement mother or anything but just to help him out. Like if he needs help shopping for her, out sending money to her, usually I help. Well since it's the holidays, werr usually send boxes of clothes and gifts. Well he didn't ship the packages because he was at work and so I wrapped everything all pretty,I usually help with these these things because I enjoy it. I don't have a child and it's fun. So I went to the shipping place, send it off and it's on it way. Well last night I'm laying in bed thinking wait who's name did I put on the package,I was checking emails and saw the confirmation code and realized like an idiot I put my name not his on the box. I immediately starting freaking out and crying. I know how this girl is, and she is mean. I know she will think I did this on purpose and that she will retaliate, my fiance even thought I did it on purpose but I wouldn't only because this girl is so mean that the only thing I would gain is my feelingsgetting hurt. I feel so guilty and sad and I'm scared. I know she's going to think the worst of me when I only wanted to help he sends her money and gifts for their child all the time he calls every day but she is still unhappy and mean I honestly think she's just hurt because maybe she thought they would work out and nowthat he's getting married she sees that o that it won't I'm just so depressed about it and I can't sleep the package will be there soon and I'm just waiting for my fiance to call and tell me all the awful things she said. I know this may even cause things between us because maybe he really does think I did it on purpose I also feel sad because how could he think that I'm that kind of person who would try to instigate stuff. I don't want him to think if we marry I'll do this all the time it was just a simple mistake and I spent half the night w crying and the other half on the postal service website trying to intercept the package but I didn't have enough money to send it back myself mind you this was at 1am when I realized how stupid I was and I even called the post office at 3am but no one answered so I just crawled into bed crying anf feeling defeated my fiance hugged me so I think he forgave me but I don't know I just fell awful and stupid and scared I know it seems weird to have never met someone but they still make you feel this little. I just know how she can be and I don't want her taking it out on the baby or my fiance I feel so bad I need to know how to let go of this guilty feeling even though I feel like I wasnt trying to do anything wrong I was Just trying to help I don't know what to do and how to make it better
I agree. Your husband can
I agree. Your husband can politely tell her that he will not be verbally attacked over the phone, or in person for that matter, and that the gift was from him and mailed by you.
Is there a custody agreement? If not, the only issue I see is that she may try and not let the daughter contact him, etc.
But really, over the name on a package, shrug. If she has that time in her day to focus on things like that, then I'm jealous of her because I'm just too busy for that crap.
Shake it off, support your husband in his relationship with his daughter, and continue to be polite to the mom.
Or, if it were me, I'd send her a text or email and say something like, "Hey, I know you have reservations about me being involved, but I just wanted to give you a heads up that I mailed a package for DH and wasn't thinking when I listed my address. Please make sure SD knows that it's from her dad, not me, but I do send happy holiday wishes to both of you! :)"
Really? All this over a
Really? All this over a name on a box? Tell her that you mailed the box, so you put your name on it by mistake. If she doesn't like it she can lump it! And if your fiance won't back you up on this, then you really need to rethink the wedding! Unreal. Sorry but this sort of petty stuff really gets to me, as you can tell.
All of the above.
All of the above.
Why on Earth would your
Why on Earth would your fiance accuse you of doing this on purpose? It's a simple mistake and if anybody gets into an uproar over it, screw them all.
I have to wonder, why is this making you so scared? Are you afraid of BM or of your fiance?
Yep!! Its only going to get
Yep!! Its only going to get harder from here on out, don't do this to yourself; its not worth all this jumbled up mess
"rfuturesm mailed it for me."
"rfuturesm mailed it for me." End of issue. Don't sweat it. If your DF thinks you did it on purpose ..... find a new fiancé. If he is that big of an asshole cut your losses and find a man worthy of you.
IMHO of course.
Good luck.
Yep, the key to success in a
Yep, the key to success in a blended family marriage is definately the adult partnership at the core of the blended family. If they are not equity partners and equity parents to any kids in the picture then IMHO it is only a matter of time before the marriage fails.
So you did all that on behalf
So you did all that on behalf of your fiance, and he thinks you deliberately put your name on there? Way to be trusting and grateful! You've made it clear it was a mistake, end of story.
I agree with others that next time he does it by himself instead of relying on your good nature.
Yeah. Dont feel bad. Not at
Yeah. Dont feel bad. Not at all. And with any normal f*cking human being would assume it was just the name on a box. If she is this bitchy or this angry, there is nothing you can do anyway. The dad calls and says the package was from him but sent by you. That is the truth. This woman would be laughing if she knew you were stressing out over petty shit, but it sounds like youve been intimidated by the whole awkward situation from the beginning.
YOU DID NOTHING WRONG. And anyway, a man does not normally take the time to beautifully wrap gifts up anyway. It often becomes the responsability of the female. She had to assume you played a role in the whole gift thing. How ungrateful would she be if she focused less on the gifts, and more on the name on the package.
Like water off a duck's back.
Sleep soundly. You had no ill intentions.
And if there is anything I've learned from the women on steptalk is that becoming buddies with the BM is just a mistake. They are vengeful, and you never never know their true intentions. Cut communications with her cus if not, anything she twists in the future to blame you is only going to put a wedge between you and your future husband. Hope you two end up at a good place.
Ditz, You are an inspiration.
Ditz,
You are an inspiration. Thanks for being you.
From your reaction, I would
From your reaction, I would guess that this is not the first time some minor issue has turned into a Big Deal. This is certainly nothing to feel guilty, sad, and scared about, crying for hours. If your reaction is from fear of his behavior toward you, think hard about marrying him. If it is the usual reaction for you, then try to change your reaction to something that will make you happier.