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The accidental email...

Lalala00000's picture

Im step mom of 2 boys, 7 & 10, bio mom n i started off good had a few rough patches but now recently within the last 5 months we have communicating better than ever and i actually started to see her as a friend even though a lot of ppl around me warned me not to. I never got too personal but we shared a lot about each other and seemed we were quite alike ... I was actually starting to think she was sincere and I'd let the ugly past of my husband and her quite bad relationship... Until yesterday happened ... We usually either call or text but if its long ad we r both constantly on the go we email... She sent me an email she meant to send to her sister totally bashing me. How im interfering and how i make too many rules and how upset she is that her boys adore me. Very jealous angry email and im quite sad because i thought we were past that and honest... I mean we almost talk every day ! I thought she was happy about how happy the kids are and how great things r going! She tells me often. I would never confront her as this would start problems but i guess im just disappointed and feel fooled she isn't who i thought..

Rags's picture

When it comes to the blended family opposition one must be cautious but verify. She verified that you can't trust her. When it comes to the blended family opposition it is a difficult lesson to learn that past behavior is the best indicator of future performance. No matter how long THEY appear to be reasonable THEY can never be trusted.

So, now you know. Play her to your advantage, get her to do what you want her to do but never, ever trust her, or give her anything that she wants. If she is so toxic and fake as to try to get you to communicate by being "nice" while detesting and being jealous of your very existence then be "nice" but in a manner that leads her around by the short and curlies to exactly where you want her.

Knowledge is power and she just forfeited all of the power to you. So use it to your advantage and feed her the pain in a slow, calculated, and effective manner to get exactly what you think is best for your Skid and your family while she remains a clueless pawn.

IMHO of course.

Have fun!!! }:)

Lalala00000's picture

I totally agree.. I guess i just thought i could be apart of that 5% of blended families thats drama free... But this now makes me wonder, why? What would she need from me to be so friendly but clearly so fake? Kids only come over every other weekend, breaks holidays, its not that much.

Rags's picture

Information. She gets information. Toxic idiots thrive on information. So control the information. Feed her what you want her to have and nothing more.

StepMat789's picture

I couldn't agree more. Be kind and civil, but I would not engage in a friendship with this woman.

Lalala00000's picture

Thank you. I really appreciate that. I just wish i knew why though, why befriend me tell me how grateful she Of me but behind it all is untrue. I have vented myself but the way she said it was more than venting. Maybe im over thinking it but she seemed so sincere and these words were so opposite.

SecondGeneration's picture

Maybe shes trying to deal with the situation using the line: keep your friends close, your enemies closer?
Also, shes venting at her sister, shes pissed that you are so involved in her childrens upbringing and worse, her kids like you. She doesnt like it, theres not many BM that are ok with that and even those that try to be ok with it for their kids, hate it inside.
But now youve seen the email you know the truth, so you just go back to your boundaries and dont be so pally

BethAnne's picture

This totally sucks and I can see how you feel betrayed if you counted her as a friend. But at least she is trying to be nice to you and you are willing to play nice too, whatever each of your feelings are for the other. This makes life a little easier all round.

It is normal for her to get some feelings of jealousy towards you and in some ways you are invading her previous territory so she could feel that it is interfering where she was once in charge. I know that at times I have complained about one friend to another friend over things that are probably unfair, but I was unloading my feelings.

If I were you I would though question some parts of your "friendship" and see what you want to keep and what you want to cut back on. Why are you two in contact most days? It does seem like a lot, what do you talk about? Who initiates conversations? Do you ask her a lot of questions about her private life? Does she ask you lots about hers? Do you ask favors of her, or try to rearrange plans with the step kids? Is it you or your husband who discusses step kid issues with her?

Some of your answers may help to see where she is coming from. Perhaps she likes you as a friend, but doesn't appreciate you making arrangements for the stepkids as that should be between her and your husband?

These are just some random thoughts I had, they may or may not apply to your situation.

Personally I would try to continue the friendship but in a more reserved manner that is not focused on the kids and that doesn't involve discussing personal details with her so you can protect yourself.

Cocoa's picture

now you know how she feels about you, so the question is, why is she pretending to have friendly feelings for you? this woman is not your friend. watch your back.

Easylikesundaymornin's picture

Sorry but I find this hysterical ~ and typical behavior of a non authentic person.

There are so many direction you could go with this ....

1) ignorance is bliss and just let her stew in her our venom. Play clueless ~ not skip a beat and take the hi road. Act authentic to your feelings ~ your actions didn't warranty her viciousness. She's losing in a big way ~ doing favors would now be something that is off the table. Her actions will now dictate how you treat her ~ be by the book. No more ~ n no less.

Or ,

2) sarcasm could enter into your world.
Actually respond to her email with ~ I believe you sent this to me in error. But I appreciate your complete & utter honesty. I know exactly where I stand ~ thank you !

Either way ~ she's a dumbass. I know blended families are difficult , but with toxic people like her it makes it worse. The immaturity bleeds in her ~ in life especially divorced families everyone wants the best for the kids. Best way to do that is with open communication and she just ruined that.

Did you respond to her ??

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Have you heard of the saying "Keeps your friends close and your enemies closer"? This is what BM was doing. Treating you like a friend when you are not. Why? To get information to (likely) use to her advantage and get any possible dirt she can throw back in your face later. Block her email, block her number from your phone. All contact regarding the skids should go through your DH.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Very smart of you!! BioMonster has made several attempts to "get to know" me. One time, she tried to get us to play trivia with her and Mr. Pinhead (HA!). DH asked her if she was drunk (LOL), then told her there was no way on earth we would EVER socialize with her (or Mr. Pinhead). She has asked DH for my phone number a number of times. The skids all have it (DH told them to NEVER give anyone my number or they would be blocked or I'd change it and they'd never have it again). If BioMonster ever called me, I'd tell her to Eff Off and block her.