Text policy at home?
:jawdrop: please help me!
I would like to know if you and your DH have some agreement or policy regarding *when* you can text at home as his texting behavior is really ruining our family life.
My boyfriend and his two teen daughters' constant texts really drive me crazy.
We just finally moved together after dating for two years. This should be the sweetest time ever. However, he either wants to visit his daughters once a month (6-hour drive) on longer weekends or he texts them all the time at home.
It is the *frequency* and no time frame limit that affect our live, e.g. Meal time, Saturday morning, weekend when we go hiking or take a walk, even one time early Sunday while we have sex,etc.
SD 18 &SD16 text their dad whenever. She lives in college dorm. It could be several times a day, sometimes it's sending pics, or mkaing some comments. Sometimes it could be longer conversations of texts.
SD18 sometimes calls her dad, so that day texts could be fewer. Sometimes after a long talk on the phone, there could be still texting later the day.
SD16 doesn't like to talk on the phone (according to DH), so their major communication is via texting.
DH said he can't control when the girls text him, but I guess in our house we can probably have a text policy that certain time or on certain occasions you can't text.
Just would like to know if anyone in here has a text or "No text" policy at home at certain time in order to keep my family life in harmony and to ensure my quality of life.
Thank you so much in advance for any ideas or sharing!
I told him already and he
I told him already and he said he can't control when his children text him.
Most of the time he's responding to texts, that's true. Sometimes he does initiate to text.
I asked him why don't you call? A call will be more efficient and less interruption of our life or ongoing activities.
He said SD 16 doesn't like to talk on the phone.
thank you.'this is exactly
Any penalty if anyone violates?
Do you regulate how "long" each time you can text? Less than 30
Mins or so?
Sally, So much appreciative
Sally,
So much appreciative of your sharing. This is very helpful to give me some ideas of "regulating" his texting. As he said he can't control his children's texts to him, neither can I control his children 6-hour way, and I don't want to sound like a cruel woman that stops their father-daughter communications,
Have some rules seem to be helpful. Thank you so much!
Any penalty if anyone
Any penalty if anyone violates?
Do you regulate how "long" each time you can text? Less than 30
Mins or so?
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
wait, what? You are going to penalize your DH if he violates your rule about texting his kids. Oh my. lol. That would not go over well at my house.
You just need to sit him down and tell him that it is rude that he interrupts sex with you or eating or whatever so he can text his kids and that you really need it to stop because it is so rude. He needs to kids later.... not during sex or dinner ect. That is weird. But other than that...I think it is fine to text your kids when ever you want/need too.
No, it's not "my" rule. I am
No, it's not "my" rule. I am collecting as many ideas as possible so I can bring them back home and discuss with DH and come up with "our" own rules at home. Once that policy is agreed upon, I have to comply with it too.
You can have all the "models"
You can have all the "models" or "guidelines" you want- this man is far more tethered to his kids than you knew before you moved in with him.
I had similar problem with my
I had similar problem with my DH and his kids. We didn't establish rules and policy, but I did make it clear how much it hurt my feelings to have whatever we were doing interrupted by the constant phone calls and texts. Same as you, hiking, sex, meals, moview, didn't matter. He always took his kids' calls or responded to their texts.
He was demonstrating to me that they were more important that I was in every singe instance, every single circumstance. He says that wasn't his intention, but he needed to make sure they were ok. 50 times a day. He FINALLY heard me when one of his kids interrupted a serious conversation he and I were having about a potentially life-threatening health issue of mine (turned out later to be a scare, not an issue). He took the call, went into the other room and was laughing and happy while I was in the kitchen crying, not only over the health issue but at how easily my husband left me and how easily he was able to laugh about ANYTHING at that moment. When he came back into the kitchen and saw me and realized what he had done, he was appalled at his own behavior.
He still struggles with this some. If they call, he just about has to answer to make sure they are ok. But he will say he can't talk and will call them back. Or if it's a text, he might look at the stupid phone but not respond if it isn't urgent.
I think you need to discover if what you need (his uninterrupted attention) is something he can give you. Or is he unwilling to ignore their texts no matter what else is going on? If the latter, I would find that intolerable.
Merry, I am sorry to hear
Merry,
I am sorry to hear that. It seems some men do not have self-awareness how their act of texting affects and hurts their partner. And Ben more, they do have awareness but can't control themselves in responding or controlling their children's day and night texts that affect another newly-form families.
That's why I wanted to look for some ideas here and suggest implementing a text policy at home
Sorry to hear that, Marie
Sorry to hear that, Marie Jeanne.
I guess your DH feels guilty if he missed the call from the child in prison, and the time constraint In prison for his child to call him probably makes it even more legitimate to call any time.
My DH is in similar situation. And I can envision if he doesn't change, he is likely to be like your DH soon.
Being apart from his children now, he feels more need to respond to them immediately. Yes, there is guilt as well.
Therefore, I already suggested that he moves back. He can be with me physically and texts his children all the time, his mind and heart do not move in together.
However, he made the choice to move in together and always likes to say he's made such a move for me.
In reality, if he stays in where he was, he can't really "own" his children. Children still live with their mom, not to mention that SD18 is in college. Therefore, I see all these as excuses. You have to choose a side, stay here and be committed, or just move back and embrace your phone and children.
The hardest part is he doesn't know what he wants or he wants both. He wants to live with me , and while being able to text any time any where.
Exactly! This is new social
Exactly!
This is new social phenomenon and due to advances in technology.
Some people easily self regulate. We have rules about texting/internet use because dh is clueless. Sometimes I will just say Put the damned phone down already.
Orange UGlad, Could you share
Orange UGlad,
Could you share your internet use/texting rules? Thanks!
Anotherstep my SO is exactly
Anotherstep my SO is exactly the same!
Drives me insane. He is self employed sp thats his excuse to having his phone in his hand ALL the time .
I to feel like i am not enough to keep him entertained and we are on very thin ice as far as i am concerned as to whether this relationship will work or not.
Anotherstep, my DH is
Anotherstep, my DH is horrible with his cell phone. He is hard of hearing, so when he comes home at the end of the day the ringer is still on Defcon10 and it scares the crap out of me! I always tell him to turn it down or put it on vibrate. Then DH says he'll miss something, to which I reply, "No, you won't because you're always looking at your phone!"
I have an SD19 at college and an SD13. No cell phones at the dinner table, and there sure as hell better not be any texting going on at Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow at the restaurant!
Most of the time, DH is hunched over, nose in his gadget, as I like to say. I ask him something and he doesn't respond because he is engrossed with replying to an email or a tweet or texting SD19 at school. Let's just say he likes to stay connected. The other night I asked him something from across the room, asked him to come look at something in the yard. Lately I have been making sarcastic replies to his non-responses. I'll say, "OK, thanks very much," or "Good to know, thanks for your feedback." LOL He always says it's something for work and I tell him I don't give a shit. "Walk away from the gadget," I say. He knows I hate it and I just leave the room and go upstairs to be alone.
I come somewhere after DH snoring, watching sports, shitting and being on his phone. He is here but he is NEVER "here."
Have I told anyone about my SD13........? LMAO
~ Moon
I discussed with DH about
I discussed with DH about having a text use policy at home later yesterday and he agreed. We agreed not to use text when we go out or have activities, we turn off our phones and do not respond immediately.
Yesterday I had phone call and texts coming in right after dinner, I didn't respond either. When we went out for dinner today, he didn't bring his cell.
His company has a no cell phone policy at meeting.whose phone ever rings at a meeting gets a fine of $50. I suggested we have the same fine at home if anyone uses texts or phone at dinner table or family activities
. He "happily"agreed and think it would help himself to stick to the "no text" policy at home.
Let's see how it goes. Time will tell.
Thank you for sharing how you handle this issue at home!