What Not To Say
Apparently, "I'll make SS's room into a craft room if he doesn't want to take care of it" are fightin' words. Lol. I could give two shits.
We are having DH's family over for Thanksgiving, and SS's room remained untouched (until about 15 minutes ago). I told DH that SS needed to do something with his room while he was here this past weekend. The two of them had all day and all night Saturday to do it; yet nothing was done. I have been busting my ass getting the house ready, planning the meal, everything. I will not touch SS's room.
But you can imagine who is doing it for the little prince. My follow-up comment of daddy going to his house to make his bed when he was 20 wasn't well-received, either. I apologized after reminding myself I am in large part disengaged and really could care less. I just cleaned out the storage room in the basement today, and I swear to God above, if he just took three boxes of SS's shit down there, I will be loading them up and taking them to the thrift store and playing stupid about it.
I suppose this is MY fault for inviting his family (who I love, and am glad to have them). My family is across the country, you think he'd be a little more appreciative.
Since it's his family I would
Since it's his family I would have not even mentioned anything. And then as soon as the proud grandparents walked in, I'd make sure SS' bedroom door is wide open for them to see.
I'd make sure the rest of the house was immaculate and that they'd walk in and see me "finishing up" some minor tidying. I'd open the door and great them with my apron on, flour all over my face, and hopefully have them see DH sitting down doing nothing.
I'd let SS and DH be embarrassed about his room, since it's his family. They might not be embarrassed though. Chances are, no one would care, which is also okay.
I would have forbid DH to help SS clean his room, though. Either SS cleans it or you he needs to prepare to be embarrassed in front of his parents.
This is it!! I especially
This is it!!
I especially love the apron and flour. lol I've actually done that when DH's family came over.
I worked Saturday night, came
I worked Saturday night, came home and went to bed. By the time I knew nothing had been done with the room, SS had already gone back to BM's. Consequences? I about spit my water out when I read that. That will never happen, I can assure you.
If I felt that his family would not see it as something negative toward me, I would have left it and never said a word about it. I had a talk recently with my MIL, who had just returned home from cleaning her other two grandkids rooms. They are about the same age as SS. I told her those kids are old enough to take care of their own rooms. I was actually preparing her for what she might see when she got here.
As for forbidding my DH to clean it, I actively work to be disengaged. I actually considered the entire conversation a back-slide. I wish I wouldn't have said a word about the room to begin with. Let it be what it is. The rest of the house is looking great, and his room can look like poo. I wish I would have got the thought of what his family would think from my head.
Also.... as a side note, one of my DH's arguments for not having it done is that he wanted to spend "quality time" with SS, not time making him do things. But I guess it's ok to spend our day off together doing it. No concern of quality time there.
Sally, you are so right. And
Sally, you are so right. And believe me, I regret ever saying anything about that room. I normally just shut the door, too. We are now in a full-on fight all over that stupid room. I normally say absolutely nothing. I normally just act as if that room is non-existent in this house. I am beating myself up for saying anything. Now DH is being a total asshat.... talking about how I made him do this and do that and he didn't get to spend any 'quality time' with SS. I requested the room be taken care of (btw, it's not cleaning.... it's his boxes of things that have been sitting in there unpacked for five months). It was simple unpacking, putting his trophies (for being a SUPERSTAR and completing each grade) up, taking clothes that were on a hanger and hanging them, putting games in his cubby. It really wasn't much, but I made a HUGE mistake by saying anything, for all the drama that has ensued. I also suggested he take him shopping for gifts for DH's mom and dad for Christmas. Two candles and a gift card, I guess that took a bunch of quality time away, too.
Amazing how we can go so many months without a fight at all. Further proof disengaging works. I'm blaming my PMS for this one.
For me it was simple. Step
For me it was simple. Step mum asked me to clean my room, say she asked on a friday. If on the monday it wasnt done she would pick everything up off the floor and dump it all on my bed. Including shoes. When I got home from school I was told again I need to clean my room. If anything was on the floor tuesday it got black bin and thrown away.
Learnt pretty damn fast.
My SD is 4, so shes of an age with various toys, shes just getting into jigsaws and generally speaking shes really good with making sure all the pieces are back in their boxes. But if the toy doesnt come out of a box then shes not so great, meaning we sometimes find pieces of playmobil randomly around the house. She doesnt have many toys in her room but we have a playroom downstairs, you can tell when shes been here but its still not THAT messy.
That being said, I was made to do a big clear out through books, toys, everything twice a year. Once before christmas and once in the summer. My parents used it as a "to make room for new things and give the old things to less fortunate" but either way, I think its important for kids to be able to do so. Else you end up with ones that cant handle change.
Your DH should of been an
Your DH should of been an adult and told his son to clean up the room. Since he didn't, DH must not be worried about what the family thinks. Just leave the room the way it is and talk to DH. Let him know, it is not your responsibility now. You asked for SS to clean it and they didn't ask you for any help as a group effort. Oh, well, we'll see what the family says and let them know you did ask for them to clean it up for you.