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Am i wrong for wanting to end this relationship

ljohnson70634's picture

My wife and I have been married for 9 years and when we married she already had 3 kids and I didn't have any at the time and now I'm having trouble with my step son and she blames every one else every time he does crazy shit like being very disobedient,curseing, telling you what he ain't gone do,taking back etc.The list goes on and all she can say is this is my fault cause I'm always getting on him like the doesn't do a damn thing to get himself in trouble.She so call proclaims that she will talk to him but shes the type that won't talk while I'm present but do it in private like I don't need to be there when she so call does it.Im at the point where to I don't want no parts of him at all.he says a lot of thing when she's not present and I tell her she acts like I'm lying on him and I'm fed up with it.At this moment I feel if he is that grown and he has the mouth like he has ,he and she can have this damn house cause I will not contribute nothing to him not even a cent.My step son is 14 he knows every damn thing smh,but now I have two daughters in the pic of my own,but I wanna stay for them and I'd never leave but its getting worse.I don't think I want this marriage any more.the other kids doesn't act this way its just him.I love my wife but I don't feel I have to put up with her or her son.I'd rather divorce before doing anything for someone so disgracefull,I feel sorry for the next man thats stupid enough to take such drama

Comments

BethAnne's picture

If you want to end your relationship and you have thought long and hard about it and it is more than you are just having a bad week then no one can tell you that you have to stay or that you must stay or that you should stay. You have to do what is right for you and your girls and ultimately they will be happier if you are happy even if there is some upheaval in the mean time.

If you are still having some doubts if you want to go through with finishing the relationship then see what you and your wife are willing to do to work things out, couples therapy, individual therapy, maybe the ss needs therapy if there are underlying conditions. You may want to take a step back from the relationship and remove or partially remove yourself from the home but continue working with your wife to see if you can rebuild something more positive or perhaps see it as a temporary arrangement until your step son leaves the home at 18 or 19 at which time you can try to get back to "normal".

As far as just letting your wife have the house should you divorce, don't make any promises now, don't do anything drastic, don't put yourself into poverty or into the position of potentially being responsible for a mortgage of a property you don't live in. Wait and see what a decent lawyer things is a reasonable division of your marital assets and then see if you think that is reasonable.

ChiefGrownup's picture

It would be hard to leave considering your two kids with her....but it might just be good for your girls, if you can be strong. This half-brother of theirs will be a strong influence on them and they will demand to be parented the same way from their mother, all laxness and mouth and attitude.

If you're not ready to leave, go ahead and tell your wife this is how it's going to be. You're not taking any bs off that kid any more and you want your home a certain way. You're going to make it a certain way, you're done arguing with her. How she reacts to this will either make you happy in your home and in your marriage OR it will make you good and ready to leave.

DontCallMeStepmom16's picture

I can totally relate. I have been in the mindset that I have considered leaving my husband as well because "I can not tolerate his 3 kids". It also took me a while to realize and learn that it is OK to have those feelings and not " liking" you step kids is not a rare thing. I'm not sure how things are in your household are on a daily basis, but her blaming you for his actions would be unacceptable for me. My advice to you would be to disengage as much as possible. Disengage. Disengage. Disengage. When it comes down to it, her son is just that. HER son. And it sounds like the step son could be doing just what he is doing to add fuel to your fire. Again, disengage. The bigger picture is saving your marriage and your sanity. On the bright side, he is 14 years old. Thank heavens he is not 4 years. The next couple years will be hard, but will change when he is on his own. It may not be 100% better, but it will be different.

Evil stepmonster's picture

On this note, if you truely believe your daughters are not safe around this kid, here is one way you can accomplish custody.
1) Talk to a lawyer, tell him/her everything. Have him/her draft a petition for divorce and custody papers.
Do not file yet, and say nothing to your wife.
2) Get an apartment or a house(for rent) that is big enough for all of you.
3) Decorate it, stock the fridge and pantry and turn on utilities.
4) Take a Friday off from work, get just what you need for you and your daughters, move into said apartment or house.
5) Right before you do leave your wifes house tell lawyer to file the paper work which includes temporary custody and supervised visits while her son is around.

ljohnson70634's picture

He was always more difficult than than the siblings, a when you tell the other side of the FAM you issues its always a non belief situation.I try but it gives the stepparent a bad name

Evil stepmonster's picture

I can totally see where you're coming from. My only advice would be this, and this is just what I would do for me.
Try family counseling before any step are taken for permenant seperation. First with you and your wife, and then maybe get the stepson involved if the therapist things it's a good idea. If she refuses counseling then; again if this was me, I would move into my own place, and ask for couneling then, if she still refuses then I'm sorry she's not interested is saving your marriage. And your daughters want you to be happy too.

ljohnson70634's picture

It hurts when your the only male figure that's been in his life to get the treatment and I don't wanna give him a ole school ass whipping.he couldn't have lived the way we grew up cause he wouldn't have any teeth left.Kids don't like house rules but I take that back just some .life hasent hit him yet but I'm trying to prepare him for what's to come and I want no harm to him,but if he carry's on like this I can say I tried.