I'm probably speaking too soon but so far there has only been one interruption from bm this week (and the phone went to voice mail and, better yet, no message). What a change from last week (we were interrupted daily with her drama). I'm sure I haven't seen the end of the interruptions but at least dh has started taking charge. He made an appointment with the dentist for the oldest ss to get a referral for braces (this was done the last time ss went to the dentist but bm failed to follow through). I was very surprised to see that dh did this. He is usually the one to let her do it (where has that gotten them so far????). I think he might realize that bm just doesn't do things for her youngest two children (dh's boys). She is fully capable of making appointments, keeping things straight and all when it comes to what she is interested in and if it benefits her (she'd be at a special ed meeting in a heartbeat-and even set it up-if it meant she could collect more SSI). We'll see if dh says anything to her about the appointment. I'd be surprised if he didn't tell her. We have conferences tomorrow night for the oldest ss. Those will go fine. Last night we had conferences for the youngest ss. We saw the list of parents and she wasn't on it for either night. Not surprising but very disappointing. She knows better. She knows she should be going (she has gone in the years before and even in the fall but she now has too much of a social life to go).
Only 4 more days she can interrupt....we'll see. This might be a record week for fewest interruptions... 
*crosses fingers*
I know exactly how you feel, counting down the days, dreading her next call, wondering what drama she's going to stir up next... Here's hoping for a peaceful and uninterrupted week for you and yours
*~So sayeth Nymh~*
Yes!
That is just it! Counting down...only 3 more she can intrude upon. We have conferences for older ss tonight and I can just see her showing up as a "surprise" just because. Thanks for your support! I may need it!
With 3 kids......
I cannot even imagine how she can forget an appointment.
Look, not to be a smartass here, but if I were raising 3 children, I'd be lucky to their names straight, let alone remember every appointment.
I can't remember everything going on here, with 2 children. And the oldest one doesn't need me for anything. He's 17 and knows it all!
If you don't mind me asking: How many children do you have? Have you never forgotten an appointment or two. I have forgotten MANY appointments. I even took my eldest son to his first day of school when he was starting the 3rd grade. Drove up to the school, only to realize that school didn't start until the following day.
While I agree that the dentist is important, being a single mother I can tell you that sometimes....well, sometimes something more important precedes my son's need for braces. Like rent for instance....... Or the fear of not wanting to call my ex AGAIN, for fear his dear wife will answer the phone....
When you have to divide your time and energy between children, someone comes first. Whether it be a decision on who's baseball game to attend when there are two on the same night, or who gets the first helping of mashed potatoes (spellcheck)!
It can be and certainly is a very overwhelming job, being a MOTHER.
J
Not so with her
If she showed that she cared about the children, a missed appointment wouldn't matter. Even if I didn't have to deal with her on a personal level her motives for not wanting to do things for her boys would still be there. She has been a mother for 21 years (child at 16) and is tired of being a mother. The braces, for ss, are very important. He has a speech problem and part of it is due to the way his teeth are in his mouth. They are very important to get because once corrected, he'll be able to pronounce words better and people will be able to understand him (it takes effort to understand him and he gets frustrated a lot because he has to repeat things). I realize life gets busy for everyone (and no, I've never missed an appointment) but I just need to vent about the well-being of skids. Isn't that what this website is for, venting?
Well-being of stepkids, yes
But the blame game gets old. By all means, step in if need be. I know I would love if my son's Dad or OtherMom took the initiative in making an appointment. But how many Dad's do that, just because they want to, or they can? How many Dad's wake up in the morning and look at a calendar and say to themselves, "Ya know, I think my son needs an appointment with the dentist, let me call and make one"?
And how many wake up and say, "Damn BioMom, she can't even take the time out of her busy life to keep an appointment with the dentist"? Why does there have to be blame put on one parent? Why can't we all just do what is best for the kids without looking to blame someone else for their shortcomings?
While I commend you on "never missing an appointment", the first part of my question was, "How many children are you/have you raised?
If you have raised 3 children, made every appointment scheduled, then please accept my apologies. If you have not raised any children and kept all of your appointments, your response is not necessary. Have you ever made an appointment to get your hair cut, nails done? Or a date with girlfriends for a night out? Have you ever purchased tickets to a Broadway Show/Concert/Benefit, only to have to cancel because your child got sick? It happens.
Look, my sister has no children and cannot seem to understand how I cannot commit to things 3 months ahead of time. She does not seem to understand that while her appointment calendar is ALL about her, mine is about upcoming baseball practice, boyscout meetings, rescheduled rainout games, impending dates that are "to be determined at a later date", school plays, classtrips, birthday parties of classmates, ALL OF WHICH HAVE NOT BEEN SCHEDULED YET! She thinks it ridiculous that we don't know we are taking our annual vacation to the beach yet. What she cannot fathom is that my 17 year old son is graduating high school this year. None of his classmates have sent out their party invitations yet??!! Can you imagine that? Not knowing when these kids may/may not invite my son to their party slated for sometime in June? The nerve! I think that on January 1st of every year, both bioparents along with steps should be handed their childrens appointments for the entire year, with a promise of no conflicting schedules, never two appointments on the same day, or impending sickness to deal with. That way, we can all make every appointment and never have to bother anyone else with our social life.....
An up coming battle.
Gosh, we have so many battles coming up.
The braces thing is going to be interesting and we will broach this one in the next week or so.
I understand completely where Becky is coming from.
The 9 year old has a train wreck in her mouth. The first time I met her I knew she needed braces yesterday. But last month while she was here she said a tooth was bothering her. I looked in her mouth and nearly shit my-self. She has a bunch of holes in her teeth!
So yeah, I'm pissed at this BM. How could you spend money on bullshit things when this kid needs help bad?
In the year I've have been with BF, 9 y.o. hasn't been to the dentist once. BM is passed missing an appointment, she's missing the POINT.
I went to schedule the appointment with the orthodontist the other day, but they said they need an up-dated Denist record. We have to ask BM what insurance she has on these girls. It will be interesting to see BM's reaction to us taking control of the situation.
Jo
We just found out...
Last week we had to ask BM the same thing about insurance. She hasn't had it on the skids since last MAY! We could have added skids to our insurances via open enrollment but when we tried to get them in after it closed (you can add/take away for various things that happen throughout the year) we found out that skids would have had to lose their insurance within 30 days of adding him during the year. They have to wait until next open enrollment for us to add them. BM NEVER SAID A WORD about it. All she said was, I'm taking care of it. Like she was taking care of the 10 year old's education (he was failing the 4th grade and she didn't bother to tell us--the school didn't write down dh's address this year and apparently can't keep the records from year to year [I totally don't understand this because our district sure keeps things but he said he has to go in every year and add himself to the emergency enrollment card and put himself back in their computer system]). If she takes care of the insurance thing like she took care of the 4th grade failure, we're doomed. She constantly says she's handling things or doing this and that and dh believes her. She ISN"T doing things and hasn't done s**t to help those boys. Okay, the insurance thing that you mentioned is a sore spot.
In response to this question...
Do you think that if for some strange reason, biomom somehow dropped off the face of the earth, your step family problems would be over? Or just beginning? So is the biomom really your biggest problem? Or if you were in the parental driver's seat and could raise those rotten little sks, would their future be much more certain, their bad influence would be gone and the sun would shine forever after?
I have a friend who found herself in this situation and had to take over full time parenting of her sks after the biomom dropped dead. Believe me, it wasn't long before she was wishing that she could turn back the hands of time and biomom's presence seemed a hell of a lot more appealing. All of a sudden, the hubbie sided with the sks and the biomom became a saint forever in the eyes of many. That relationship didn't last forever...believe me and all that she was fighting against was the sks and a ghost!
The grass sometimes always seems greener on the other side and the person that you love to hate always seems like the biggest foe. Some times be careful for what you ask for, you just might get it!
Oh Stamina.....
You have read my mind...again. Can you imagine how many times I would love to have said that exact same thing on this forum?
I DID say that to my ex's wife. She said that I was the ONLY thing wrong with their marriage. If it weren't for me, they would have a perfect union! I told her that I was not her biggest issue. I was a symptom of a much larger issue within her marriage!!!
When I became sick a few years ago, her and I had a heart to heart. I wasn't sure of my future and afraid for the future of my children. I told her that she may get her wish. I would be dead and she would have a perfect marriage. She started to cry. I asked her if she was crying because I might die, or because she was going to inherit her stepson. She told me she was crying because she realized that without me, she had no one to blame her miserable marriage on anymore. We laughed. We both learned a lot that day.
Little off topic.....
Me and the kids live with my Dad.....
Not that I have to explain, but.....
Going thru my 2nd divorce, my therapist, friends and family alike felt it would be in "my" best interest to move in here. My ex left for the 3rd time and all were concerned that I would take him back yet again......
So with the help of a lot of good people, we came up with a plan to stay for 6 months. They felt that he "would be out of my system" by then.....
In the midst of buying a new home, my Dad fell in the middle of the night, shattering his femur. With a plate in that leg courtesy of his serving in the military, he was laid up for a long time. But I persisted in buying the home.
Dad healed pretty well, he only needed a cane to aid in his walking.
A few days before closing on my house, I came home very late. All the lights in the house were off and Dad's car was home. VERY unlikely. Anyway, we found him on the bottom of the basement steps. He was coming in the back door and his jacket got hooked on the door knob. Needless to say, he laid there until we came home, 10 hours later......
I withdrew my contract on the house and realized I could not leave. That was six, yes 6 years ago. What was my point?
Oh, yeah, sorry! LOL! Anyway, my eldest son always went to private school, therefore I never had to reregister him. They kept all records year to year. Easier for them I guess because the enrollment is so small.
When the youngest started kindergarten, I was living with my Dad. My son's are 10 years apart. The paperwork for public school should have been sent home in a binder for God's sake! Included in said paperwork was an "Affadvit of Domicle". Meaning that if you could not provide a mortgage with your name on it, a deed to your home with your name on it, or a lease from a landlord, you would have to provide a legal document from the owner of the home you lived in! That being my Dad, I had to ask him for the deed to his house to make a copy. My father was 72 years old and from the old school. What would I do with this deed? Sell the friggin' house from under him. He reacted so suspiciously, almost refusing to give it to me. We finally submitted all paperwork and son started school.
You know what? The following summer I received the SAME paperwork, requiring the SAME shit again! Now, had I known this, I would have made more than one copy of the deed, knowing full well my father would freak. Every single piece of information had to be rewritten and submitted. WHAAAAT?????????
Even tho everything was exactly the same, I have to fill it out every year!!! Why? Because there are too many students to keep the records. Whatever.
I made copies that summer, of EVERYTHING! So the third year rolls around and I submit all copies of everything (changing the date of paperwork being filled out). They sent it back to me saying that it was not original. My dad wrote a letter, had it notorized. He stated that he was the owner of this house, I and my kids were his family and would be staying here from such-and-such a date until forever. (NOT EXACT WORDS) He had it notorized and hand delivered it to the school. Not good enough. That is ridiculous!!
The kicker is that the eldest NEVER went to public school, yet the truant officer showed up on the 2nd week of school saying he never showed up for PUBLIC HIGH SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
They're just retarded!
Sorry so long!
Janice
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