18 Year Old Step Daughter is a total witch! 14 years of raising her! What to do????????
I will try to keep this short because there is soooo much to say! I have been with my husband for 14 years. I was 19 and he was 31. We have been married for 8 years. I love him very much. We have had ALOT of fights! Age and stepkids to blame! He paid high dollar child support (thanks Maryland court system!) We got the kids every other weekend and every other week in the summers! And probably every sunday when they were smaller because BM had no time for them. My SD is 18 now. She is going to college but she never applied herself in High School so she isn't even taking college courses. This is like her fifth year of High school you could say. Child support ended a couple of months ago! (Thank God! Now we can start living a little!) I did everything for this little brat! I took her on class trips because BM didn't want to go. Took her on vacations! (didn't appreciate and bitched the WHOLE time!) I personally planned and threw her a graduation party which BM brought warmed up Bush's baked beans! (Hope she didn't hurt herself! (yes I do!!!)) Well little SD talks on the phone and goes to fast around a turn and damages the front of her neon by hitting a stump. Totals her car and makes insurance go up. We told her to get a job and get a car that is easy on gas. Well against our advice she gets a jeep that gets 13 MPG. and her insurance raises to $800 every 6 months. So after child support ends BM texts my husband and asks if we can help pay her insurance! I said HELL NO! Little princess can get off of her ass and get a job! Or sell jeep and get a damn car! Downsize like we had to for 14 frickin years! Well no they don't want to! BM went out and bought a new house 5 months before child support stops and now she can't afford it! Her BM did nothing for her! Nothing!!!!! She never worked those 14 years but now she works part time because she has to! Ha ha! I hate my step daughter! I used to love this kid like she was my own!!! Now I hear her name or think of seeing her and it makes me so angry I could kill someone! Word of advice for step moms with younger little girls.....They get worse! She was so nice when she was little! They played the head games but that was BM's fault most of the time. Now I keep hearing how it's not little princess's fault! It's her mom that's doing it all! She is 18 YEARS OLD! How long will excuses be made!??? When they are 11 or 12 they know right from wrong. No discipline makes for spoiled and ignorant children. If she was my real daughter I would have beat her ass a LONG time ago! I have a stepdad myself and I love him so much! He is my real father! I respect him and I couldn't imagine treating this man like this! Even the mildest mean things she has said to me makes me cry to think of saying this to my stepfather! I don't understand what I did wrong? I was there for her way more than her BM could ever be! I took them to the doctors when she had pink eye in both eyes and her brother (my stepson) had it also! There BM took them to a softball game with this condition and picked the crusties out of their eyes so she could watch her boyfriend play! I did her hair and makeup and took her to her 8th grade dance! BM went to see her after the dance to look at her hair! (what dumbass looks at hair AFTER a dance??? it's going to messed up dumbass!) Whatever! I have seen something on here about disengaging and I think I have already begun that. She is NOT my daughter! Why do I have to have this stress in my life??? My husband is starting to see it because she is so mean and disrespectful to him!! But should I make amends or tell her to kiss my ass?? I really don't ever want to talk to her again! And her BM has no family and my parents are the only ones to buy my stepkids presents for Christmases or birthdays! But my SD treats them like shit too! That infuriates me!!!! So come Christmas why should I even think of her coming down? When she treats me like shit why would I want her to be around my mom and dad??? So anyone else have this problem? I have raised this girl and played countless hours of games and riding fourwheelers and motorcycles with her! Also the reason this little brat is mad at me and her dad is because she wanted us to pay her insurance and we told her no! She said it's his job! We paid high dollar child support for 14 years! It's mommys turn to take care of her now! She wanted full custody when the money was rolling in!! Also BM told my husband she is going to take him back to court to make him pay when she is in college! Stupid bitch really thinks she can! We already contacted child support office and they said no it ended when she was 18 or emancipated! It is not in the court order for college! But my SD thinks it's ok for mommy to threaten daddy like this! My husband has never been a deadbeat! We always paid child support on time! When jobs would switch we would even go in and put it on credit cards to keep up because we never said we shouldn't pay child support but we paid too much! I am just so close to crying and giving up! I hate my life because of my SD!
You are hysterical !!! Love
You are hysterical !!! Love it ~,it's a coffe out the nose type of day.
To poster ~ it's over w SD ~ let it go !!!
I do love the entities little bitchies ~ it's your job to pay for car insurance.
Paid for my car n my insurance. My kids ~ pay for your car n your insurance. So tired of the you owe me BS ~ a car is not a necessity ~ it's privilege just like a license.
This post makes so much sense
This post makes so much sense to me but it looks like others don't see it that way. After 14 years of raising a skid then having the nonsense continue, you are allowed to get a little crazy.... After years of stepHell, it's ok to lose it every now and then even when the skid is an adult. We all have our limits on the abuse.
Be thankful your SD is 18 and not 11.
I have the best of both
I have the best of both worlds with a SD19 and a SD13. BM died, so SDs are FT with me and DH now for two years. I did everything for SD13 on weekends and weeks at DH's house that BM wouldn't do, I made sure the Skid had fun, had new shoes, had dinner. I guess I was happy because they didn't live with me. Now SD13 is a monster and SD19 has always been a monster. I have known the Skids for 7 years. DH makes excuses for them all of the time, even still, he says that SD19 is the way she is because of BM. No, SD19 is just rude to everyone and thinks her shit doesn't stink. You ask her to do one thing and she will defiantly say, "You can't make me do that!"
I get so mad at SD19 about her lack of respect and she just doesn't get it. We end up arguing over her lack of respect rather than me asking her to take her clothes out of the dryer.
SD13 is going down this road now, too, and we were attached at the hip when she first moved in FT. I have disengaged because SD13 is obviously smarter, cooler, more wordly and mature than I will EVER be. Yeah.
Spydergurl, maybe our Skids are drinking the same water in the same county? LOL
ETA: Oh, and we pay insurance on TWO cars for SD19. One she isn't using and the other BM left to her. I showed the insurance bill to DH and asked when he was going to sell one already? We're almost there after having a car sit for a year. Ugh.
~ Moon
Sorry about the run on
Sorry about the run on paragraph. I will fix it next time lol. But now I did raise that girl! And so did her dad! I have never seen another father do so much with his kids! Honestly! He raised her and so did I! Together!
But he is still blinded by his daughter.
First off, mommy dearest went to auctions every single weekend without a miss (still does), she called it a job because then she lists her stuff on ebay. Yes she does make $2000 every two weeks sometimes and still collects child support and then complains she needs more. This woman has never played a game with her daughter. This woman has never cooked for her daughter. I taught her how to cook eggs. So yes...you will hear me say I did EVERYTHING for her!
She told me first when she had sex. She talked to me about birth control. She told me that she learned from me how to be a good mom. She knows now what to do and what not to do because of me! And another thing is her mom told her and her brother she didn't know how to love them. She just wished she could have dropped them off somewhere and left.
So tell me how she raised them 22 days a month?
That's what infuriates me because her mom did NOTHING for her. Yes she had a place to live but what good is it when you drop her off and she calls you and says mommy is up at boyfriends house and she is starving! (I'm sure exaggerating!) But daddy and I would drive back up and go get her something to eat because we felt bad.
Nobody will ever know how much we have done for her and for her to treat us like shit is so rude! And yes I was 19 when I fell in love with him but age is really a number. I have learned from him and he has learned from me. We are two people of the same heart. Trust me on that.
I guess I just needed to see why I am all of a sudden the evil stepmom? I took pictures and videos and did countless things with these kids. Every Halloween we carve pumpkins. Every Christmas we baked cookies. We rode fourwheelers and motorcycles. We played for hours at the park before we took them home. Took them on vacations. Spent our last dime on them because we wanted to make them happy. I taught her how to read. Her dad taught her how to ride a bike and tie her shoes! He and I have spend countless hours putting so much in and to all of a sudden be pushed away for money?
So I guess what I am asking is am I in the wrong? I thought this was a place to feel safe and let out how you feel. Not to get bashed. If I wanted that then I would have talked to my SD.
I also was raised to work to earn what I have. How do you teach someone else's kids to do that when you have no authority?
How do you deal with the hurt? How do you deal with the BM when now you don't really have to? How do you let go when 14 years of my life was raising this girl?
You have a lot of emotional
You have a lot of emotional investment in SD and it is hard to give it up. Your hurt is understandable. It sounds like BM is a hard one to deal with - guess who is SD's role model as she approaches and becomes an adult? As hard as it is to do so, ad for your own sanity, you need to back off a little and let DH fight the war. If you are contributing any money to SD, separate your funds and let DH pay for her insurance if he wants to out of his pocket.
Thank you for that sandye21!
Thank you for that sandye21! Actually DH agrees with me completely! He says she needs to grow up and get a job! For once he is on my side with this. We told her to get a car that is cheaper and she says "I don't want a car...remember?" And so we tell her to work at Mcdonalds in between her "college" classes and she looks at me and my DH like we have lost our minds!
I will back off though and see how it goes. But what should I do about Christmas and thanksgiving? I don't think she should be around my family if she doesn't want anything to do with me. Why should I ruin my happiness and my holidays with my family by being around her? is it too much to ask of my DH?
I just feel like if she doesn't want to be around me and thinks I am so evil then why would she want to celebrate with me and my family? I feel if she would it would be because they actually buy her presents.
(My parents are the only ones who actually bought my stepkids presents or birthday presents! My DH's family is a joke! My parents took those kids in like their own grandkids!)
When we ask to go with us to see my mom and dad before they leave for vacation or to just visit she always says no. Should that hurt my feelings? They do so much for her and she gives them no love in return? Is that just me?
If she doesn't want to be
If she doesn't want to be around you, grant her the wish. That means when you are with your family too. If she complains, you are honoring her wish, right? Your DH and you have delivered her the message that she needs to grow up. Maybe she should have a wake-up call. Part of being an adult is being respectful of others and being responsible for yourself.
Spyder ..... My two adult
Spyder .....
My two adult daughters go to school full time ~ maintain a B+ average n work more than 25 hours of work and pay for cell phones, car and their car insurance.
easylikesundaymornin, that is
easylikesundaymornin, that is exactly what I have been trying to tell her! Other kids do it and don't complain! She just acts like she is the only one to do things in life she hates! I guess we are giving her tough love but I don't think we will see her for awhile.
She puts all the blame on my husband and me. It's all his fault! It's all my fault! Blah blah blah! Mommy gave her money (because of my husbands child support, not because of her working!) but we gave her love and support and a childhood but I guess money does win over all in the end.
I guess when she goes to sleep at night she can hug those Hollister shirts and American eagle pants a little closer because they give her so much love and comfort lol. IDK anymore! But your comment made me feel better that it's not us. She does need to grow the heck up!
Take a deep breath. Many of
Thank you all for that. I
Thank you all for that. I don't think I can cry anymore. We fought about it last night. He will never understand. I am going to tell him all this. I am not so depressed anymore knowing that I am not the only one to go through this. It's sad we have to because I have done more for that girl than her mom could dream. Feels like such a deep hurt that I can't imagine ever getting over. But I would be happier if I never saw her again.
I told my husband about the Christmas thing and he says "I wish you knew how that makes me feel! That is still my daughter!"
I said yes I know that but can you imagine how I feel? she wasn't my daughter but I did everything for her like I was! She hasn't said nothing to me in a month! no texts no calls nothing! She has texted him her BS over and over and he will text her back and give her the drama she seeks. I am just so done with it all.
I don't want to divorce because I love him a lot but I don't want to be unhappy after all this! It hurts because I have been supporting him through all his hurt with how she speaks to him and treats him after all we have done. But why can't he do the same? Because I am the stepmom and she will always be his little girl. No matter how many times she rubs shit in his face.
Spyder, I only wish I was
Spyder, I only wish I was with you to give you a bit (((HUG))). As I wrote earlier, you put a lot of emotional investment into SD, and it is going to take a while to get over the hurt. Each and every day it will get better. Since you were once close to SD, there is a chance she will come to her senses one day and renew that closeness you once had. But if she does not come around, you will know you did everything - and more for her. You can do nothing else right now but work on believing that you deserve mutual respect from everyone. You also deserve to be your DH's top priority - NOT his daughter. Yes, she is still his daughter but he needs to insist she respect you as his wife. That's part of being a good parent.