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WEIRD 50th Birthday Dinner

CBCharlotte's picture

Well for those who remember, my SO was an idiot and invited his Ex-wife, BM1, to our family 50th bday dinner. His mother (my future MIL) is visiting us from England and has kept me SO BUSY that I completely forgot to text BM allowing her to bow out gracefully. Yesterday, a few hours before dinner, I remembered and texted her to try and give her an out:

Me: Is 5:45 good to pick up the girls? I'll probably get them as I'm not sure of SO's work schedule!
(thought this would give her a chance to just say yes and not come)
BM1: Is this for SO's birthday dinner, because I thought I was coming? So I could bring them up and meet you - was it at the RESTAURANT

Me: (damn it damn it WHY damn it) "Oh sorry yea I'm out of it"

Then I told her the time and the address.

Normally BM1 and I get along great. Never had a fight, no PAS, no nonsense. I respect her and like her a lot. But boy was she WEIRD last night! I don't know what her problem was....she was acting very unlike her! It almost seemed like she was trying to compete with me! SO wore a (very sexy IMO) suit and tie and he wore to work. I wore a Kate Spade very flattering black dress and did my makeup with a smoke eye and sultry wavy hair. I only say this because normally I show up to BM1's in a Tshirt and jeans, so maybe that threw her off? I am also 18 years younger than BM1....every BM's worst nightmare lol.

At dinner, I had some gauze wrapped around my wrist from the hospital. I am BRACA positive (breast and ovarian cancer gene), so I get a mammogram and breast MRI every year, even though I am only 27. I have teeny tiny veins so they had to poke me a lot before they could get the die in, and had to wrap with gauze because the vein they finally used bled a lot. I explained this to BM when she asked and she basically rolled her eyes and blew it off.

Then later she was saying how she only got to go to the gym once this week (she's hosting a charity dinner tonight and has been very busy). The girls had a fitness test in gym and SD11 did 75 crunches, and BM1 was even competing with her! She said "Well I do 300 a day and I still have a pooch!" then went on and on about how it is because two babies lived in her belly (SD14 and SD11) and really stretched it out. Then she went on a rant about how much weight she gained with SD14, how she lived across from Au Bon Pain and ate cinnamon buns. Then went on about how MY SO used to go out in the night and get her Baskin Robbins. I'm almost tearing up and looking away....If you remember from my last blog I *DID NOT* want this to become a walk down memory lane about SO's past. I see living proof of his past ALL THE TIME through SD14 and SD11. She said a few other weird things before she thankfully allowed us to change the subject.

She also got SO a birthday present....a book about the olympic rowing team during Hitler's olympics. SO was rowing captain at college in England and loves to row/sail. It was thoughtful but still weird. Then she went on and on about all the reasons he would love the book.

SD11 painted/drew SO a beautiful picture with pastels that we both loved, which he opened at the restaurant.

When we got home to open gifts (BM1 and SDs had to come because SD11 left things she needed at our house.) When we got in, I ran upstairs to grab my card and to pee. When I came back down less than 3 minutes later, SO had already started opening presents! I couldn't believe they wouldn't wait for me, and I bet BM rushed him to open it. SD14 and SD11 also got SO a picture with his name on it in different photos (I.e. C is the arch of a railing, H is a train track) and in the extra slot wrote a note saying Happy Birthday We Love You Daddy. It was very cute.

Then he opened his mother's gift, which was a beautiful wine decanter. SD11 asked "Daddy what is that?" BM1 replied "It's an urn. It's what you put dead people's ashes in" then laughed wistfully. We all just started awkwardly, then I broke the silence and explained to SD11 what a decanter was and how it helps wine breathe. He opened my presents next, which he loved, and BM refused to even say a word about them. SD11 loved a pair of cufflinks I got him and showed her mom, and she just stared at them and said nothing. They finally left, and SDs were extra nice, cheerily saying "Bye CBCharlotte! See you tomorrow! Thanks again for dinner it was great!"

Yes, I paid for everyone's dinner at a nicer restaurant, including BM. Both SDs mdae a point at dinner to say thank you TWICE. BM grunted thanks.

So was very bummed all night. When we got in bed, I said "I'm sorry your 50th birthday wasn't what you'd hoped". He opened up (for once!) and talked about how he wished it was just us. He never should have invited BM, and he wished she would have bowed out. He couldn't believe how she behaved and was so surprised and confused by it. He said "now I remember again why I divorced her....she is usually nice but can get bitter and nasty out of nowhere".

Overall it was a weird night. SO and I are great, I just feel bad that he didn't have a perfect birthday like I would have liked.

BM1 is normally so nice (I've known her over a year), I was very surprised by her behavior. It was very unlike her. HOpefully she was just having a bad night or it brought back too many memories, and this does not become a regular occurrence.

Comments

CBCharlotte's picture

We both felt that uninviting her would make unnecessary drama. She is normally a great BM, seriously so easy to deal with. We were both very surprised by her behavior. Hindsight is 20/20....we wish we uninvited her now. Needless to say she will not be invited in the future.

Ljcapp1's picture

^^^^^^^^^^^ YEP!!!

OP you are treading on shark infested waters getting buddy-buddy with BM. She was clearly jealous of you...

CBCharlotte's picture

Yes I learned this last night. I am taking a BIG step back. SO will be proposing in the next month....this should get interesting...

Unfreakingreal's picture

Yeah, way too weird. I can't even understand why he would have invited her. Good for you for being so secure and fabulous that her presence didn't ruin your night.
Now he knows, she has no business in your personal and family affairs. Lesson learned.

CBCharlotte's picture

Yea I'm really worried about this!!! BM1 has no partner, she's already past the state max on child support so I know she can't go after us for more. She and SO have been co-parenting beautifully for the last 9 years (since their divorce) even when he re-married to BM2 (psycho bitch). Hopefully she was just having a bad night and this is not going to be a permanent change.

Even SO has said multiple times last night he was so surprised by her behavior and that it is not like her.

Hanny's picture

I go to these get togethers, but they are always for the kids, not my SO. I'm a very tolerant person, but have a hard time understanding why the EX would be invited to celebrate a BD with their EX. Although I think our BM would like that. When we do have occasion to get together, which is turning out to be twice a year on Skids birthday's she also has done the 'walk down memory lane' stuff. Very annoying and inappropriate. And she always give SO a big hug when we all leave the restaurant.

Delilah's picture

Got to agree with Rising. Our bm was apparently a nutter from word go with dh but she was okish with me for just over a year, once SIL got wind dh was serious about me she started stirring with bm who imo was just waiting for any excuse to go a bit gaga. It was all downhill when I began to put reasonable and normal boundaries in place and we got engaged. Dont get me wrong, I knew bm was a trashy, nasty bitch because she had displayed this to me but it slowly got worse. Thing is, lets be honest its going to be very weird to see your ex celebrate his birthday with a new younger gf, however bm did have a choice to say no/make an excuse but perhaps she felt if she later tried to extract herself it would be rude or damage her amicable co-parenting relationship with your SO, plus maybe the sds begged her to come!

Anyway she should not have remained for the present opening and your OH should not have started opening his gifts with her present, let alone when you were upstairs. That was bad etiquette and hurtful! If she had insisted, he is a big boy and could say no, even if she used the fact she had to take the skids and run!