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What makes someone do this?

StepX2's picture

I really am curious. I've been on here for many years and have seen so much in that time. From Dani and her fiancé to Crew (it was just luck that her name rhymed with screw) and the dead beagle and now the house fire story.
I always wonder what would drive someone to create a horrendous story on this site.
I believe most people are brought here with a true step issue, question or concern but then for whatever reason they turn on the "crew".
Most crews are looking for attention but if I had to try to list reasons why someone would do that I can think of a couple possible reasons:

*A BM who thinks their skid's SM is on here?

*Someone who got called out previously for an inconsistency and coming back to see how far they can go?

Can anyone think of anything else?

I do agree with KathC though. Just because something is way out of the ordinary doesn’t necessarily mean it isn’t true and I’ve seen some new members get accused of making things up before ever being given a chance on here.
I like the wait back and observe and will call it out if I see something blatant. For the most part I take everything that everyone says as their truth and will offer advice or kind words as I feel the need but if something doesn’t sound right to me I’ll pull back and just read.
I think I can speak for most people and no one likes to have their emotions played with. We just have to remember, this is the internet!

Comments

StepX2's picture

That's my feeling about her too. Even if she wanted to come back on and quickly explain that's what she was doing.

BethAnne's picture

This happens time and time again. I can't understand the mentality of the posters who are always looking for the gaps in the stories or the inconsistencies and will then focus wholeheartedly on that and ignore the rest of the post which could well be a legitimate problem/question. If you don't believe someone then don't give them the time of day...move on. If you are not sure if it is real or not, maybe ask a clarifying question or two before accusing.

I have generally always been one to take things at face value and if someone talks about a problem here I won't question whether it is real or not but rather see if I have anything I could offer to help their situation. If they want to lie on the internet and get advice then that is up to them, i choose to be here and post here so it doesn't affect me if every now and then I may reply to a less than truthful post. I would rather that than waste time accusing anyone I take a disliking to of making up stories. My advice and comments are free from me to who ever receives them and what they do with that advice is up to them.

StepX2's picture

I hear what you're saying and have seen this too.
We can get into the whole emotions can't be read with the words that are typed and people taking what someone writes the wrong way argument but there are those that are very "in your face" in their responses or comments.

Glassslipper's picture

I'm a nurse, and this is all I can relate it too... that I've seen before:

We used to have nurse lines way back in the day...people could call with valid concerns and "ask a nurse" if you need a tylenol dose for little baby or johnny swallowed a penny, to ask if its really just a rash .lol

We shut down our lines, and a lot of medical centers did...because we were rarely answering true medical concerns and just keeping all the bipolar people off their meds company all day with their 30-40 calls a day...

StepX2's picture

Mental illness...I guess I took that one for granted Smile

No doubt that would account for most but still not all of the made up stories :?

blayze's picture

LOL Right. This clique sucks. Unless we all got matching sweaters. ...or had a secret handshake. If not, we are definitely missing the unique benefits of being a part of a clique. And on top of it we have to deal with exes and other people's rotten kids. Biggrin

StepX2's picture

See that's where I'm lost. It seemed WOMH had some legit step issues and she was getting some support here. Was she really just wanting to show a story to support a father leaving his child?

DarkStar's picture

I got snappy on a thread recently with a brand new member that posted her story about her DH wanting her to get a 2nd job to finance the skids' college educations.

Her story was not all that unbelievable or far-fetched and I was DISGUSTED by the way a few ladies decided to gang up on her, make fun of her, and call her crew.

This isn't some popularity contest or secret club where you are only legitimate if you have been a member for X months. Sometimes I think some of the more vocal ladies that post often (and you know who you are) seem to forget that. One poster in particular, calls crew on MANY new people that post. Keep doing that, new people won't join, existing members (like me!) will get disgusted and leave, and then the only ones on this site will be are the same catty bitches clucking at each other all day.

IMnotsoHO

StepX2's picture

I've seen that too where a new member is called a liar from their first post. Another situation is where the new member is berated for something and yes, there is a group that seems to do this on a consistent basis.
I think more of us need to stand up to what is nothing more than bullying sometimes. Even though we may not know the new member or know if their story is legit, we can at least stand up against the bad treatment of the members.

thinkthrice's picture

I don't know but all I can say is the stuff I've personally experienced in stepHELL for the last ten years (more accurate six) I would have NEVER thought could be possible in a million years! I'm still traumatized from it to this day.

I never once thought that people "parented" by just letting their kids run feral and BFFing them! That was UNHEARD of both to me and to my parents. I had heard about spoiled children and I thought they were in the MINORITY!

NEVER did I EVER think that spoiling went mainstream due to guilty feelings over a divorce of all things. Orphaned kids? Maybe, but a DIVORCE? I thought that providing boundaries and structure was ALL THE MORE necessary in the case of a "broken home" but I see people do just the opposite which is HORRIFYING.

I HAVE learned through it all is that 99.9% of the problem is caused by the PARENTS! I used to think that Chef was just a caring dad. HA! He's just as bad as the BM!

StepX2's picture

Don't even get me started on the prevalent parenting standard of today. I can go on and on but in a nutshell we're raising kids who feel the world is to bow at their mere presence.

Aeron's picture

I can get it from the standpoint of posting under a second name if you think it really is too unbelievable and there will be an attack. Sometimes there are things that happen in life that can make at least me go What the ever loving F. And it's a truth is stranger than fiction bit. If you are sort of established here I can see not maybe wanting to put it under your usual name because of the disbelief factor.

Aeron's picture

It may have been totally made up. I don't know. It probably was and that I don't really get. But if there was even a grain of truth to it, and a lot of stories are in local news but don't go national.... So I don't know. I haven't tried to google it myself.

But there are some step moms I can think of that could show up here, going on a rant about how the eff could their dh's ex try to hire a killer to off the husband.... They would probably have crew called. Except I'd know it was true. Cause a guy I dated way the hell back in high school and his batshit wife did just that. Of course they were morons and tried to hire an undercover cop and went to jail.... But they also wouldn't be the first people to try it over custody.

Glassslipper's picture

I found this group by chance, I only have two friends that are blended families and neither is truely like mine, one had a baby in high school, then got married to a single guy, no kids and the second had two kids and never been married and is only dating now...
I googled blended family support group and this is what came up, I was looking for more like a month meeting, but this is better as it meets every day and when I need to vent I can just come to the meeting. Wink

StepX2's picture

Exactly, this place has been a lifesaver for me! I didn't know anyone who was living anyting even remotely close to what I was dealing with and instead a feeling like it was just my lot in life I discovered ways to stand up for myself and save my sanity.

Shaman29's picture

Quite frankly....she may have had her reasons for doing it. But there are a shit-ton of vipers on here and she may have felt it was easier to delete and move on with her life. You know, instead of being flayed alive by people nitpicking her answers and attacking in writing.

I say move on and don't worry about it. But there are at least four blogs about this and it seems like we all have better things to do than speculate on another members actions.

StepX2's picture

Except this was a blatant case of making up a story. Instead of saying that's what she was doing, she was trying to pass off the story as hers in defense of a father to have no contact what so ever with his son.
You're right that we have better things to do than speculate about someone elses behavior but by doing something like this, is makes it difficult for members with real horror stories to get the help and support they need.

thinkthrice's picture

We used to have a "reverse" Crew called "BlendedFam" who was obviously a PASinator BM with a "yes man" Stepdaddykins who would blast any SM who came on here venting about stepHELL.

StepX2's picture

Oh yes, I remember her...and stickafork, they both had the most perfect families with perfect husband, kids and skids and we were all witches for not bending over backwards so we could have that perfect family!

StepX2's picture

Goodtimes, I think part of my message is that I recognize that people have been questioned because their story is so beyond the norm but that doesn't make it not true. I know I wouldn't be believed if I told many details of my life but since it's not relavant to what I asking about at the time, there's no reason to tell anyone.
Memebers need to feel comfortable about being able to seek advice and not fear being called a liar when all they're trying to do is get help in their step hell situation.

BethAnne's picture

Don't worry about it, I'm sure most of us have been called crew at some point or other, I know I have. There are a few posters who get off on second guessing peoples posts and are narrow minded to the extreme that they won't even listen to another point of view or can't empathize with someone who is going through something slightly different from their situation. Yes this time they got it right but the vast majority of the time it is handed out to any old member who says something they disagree with.

In some ways until someone has told you to leave your SO and someone has called you a crew you haven't really been around here long enough. (just kidding, but it is how it feels sometimes).

The trick is to ignore, ignore, ignore. Take the advice that helps, re-read the advice that you didn't want to hear because sometimes there is something useful buried in there, reply politely to those that question or get the wrong end of the stick and then ignore those that name call, bate or just decide to dislike you. Pick and choose what you take away from those that reply to you. At the end of the day you can always turn the computer off.

BethAnne's picture

It is interesting and I agree with you about not wanting to flame her.

I don't remember any of WIOMH's blogs or posts but if I take it at face value that she was genuine I would guess that the fathers abandoning their children was an issue close to her heart for what ever reason. She wanted to put across a persuasive argument as to why a father might decide to do that and she chose to use the anonymity of the internet to her advantage (unfortunately also her downfall). As others have said she could have posted news articles about step situations from hell but that obviously didn't occur to her or didn't appeal to her so she chose to post her house burning story.

I've been there, I've gotten so inflamed with rage at someone else's point of view on this website and the fact that I couldn't persuade them to start to consider the situation from another perspective that it fed over into my real life and made me mad all day. In the end I just had to accept that they and their opinions are their own and it is not my problem and that I needed to just leave it and walk away. WIOMH decided to post her story instead of walk away, hoping that a 1st person narrative would help change perspectives.

StepX2's picture

Fake cancer stories and fake donations are the ones I hate the most!
There is a local murder trial going on right now for a man who killed his wife in February 2012 and there are now questions about the death of his first wife which was initially thought to be an accident.
It has come out that this man on trial has faked cancer twice among other illnesses.

I belonged to a FB group for grieving parents and the person who created the page was on there seeking donations for her past due utility bill of over $6000. She was able to get close to $2500 before her go fund me was shut down. Now there is a page dedicated solely to informing people of this woman's deceptions which extend beyond her FB page. She's been conning people and making money since (and most likely before) the internet. This one hit hard at first because she was one of my biggest supporters after my son died. If anyone's curious, I'll PM you her name.

oneoffour's picture

I have a good friend whose own home was burnt down by her own son at about the same age. Shit happens. It isn't all bout puppies being kicked by 4 yr olds and killed.

misSTEP's picture

How about the ones who stories ARE true and horrible but they ignore all advice and continue to just complain about their situation? Is that an attention thing as well?

I know Mapper hardly posts here anymore. I just so happened to find a different website, totally different subject where she was posting. Same crap, different day and site.