Grown Step Children problemsSubmitted by Alaskan on Wed, 12/23/2009 - 4:36pm
In my case the 2 step kids are in their mid twenties. Most of the things I have read on step children problems involve children still living at home, but the problems are similar: children feeling the new wife is taking their parent away; if their dad makes a decision they don't like, it's because the new wife brainwashed him; the step parent feeling they are walking on eggshells when the step kids are around, because the step kids compete with and contradict the step parent; the step mother feeling the need to please the kids and make them like her regardless of how nasty they treat her; the step kids thinking that everything belongs to their parent, not realizing what the step parent has contributed. All these have happened with my step kids (esp my step son who lives in the same town).
My husband and I got together after he and his X were living apartfor a year or so and he was attempting to get a divorce. This was 5 years ago. I was previously married and have one son. He lives 4,000 miles away. My second husband and his x-wife divorced and we married a year later (March 2007). From the beginning of our relationship, my stepson and his girlfriend have been nasty to me, mostly when my husband was not in earshot...telling me I am too negative and that I was not healthy for his dad. For years I have put up with his disrespect and the step son one ups me continuously.
Last week, my husband and I came upon my step son and the X wife in our shop. He does not live with us but uses the shop. She has been extremely nasty to me (tried to drive over me with her car, locked me out of my house so she could bad mouth me to my husband). My husband said he does not want her on our property either.
I never bring up the kids mom to them, but when he invited her to the shop, I told him the next day, "I know you love your mom but she has been nasty to me and your dad. I would appreciate it if you would not invite her to our property." He yelled at me, shaking his finger in my face and said he will invite his mom to the shop any time he wants and I have no right to ask him not to. It was a terrible scene, since I let emotions rule and told him he has no right to make the rules on our property. The shop may be his someday, but right now it belongs to his dad and me.
My husband told me he is afraid to lose him, and he admits he has not been upfront with his son about how he treats me. Two days ago, after we came across my step son and his mom's x- boyfriend building a frame for a porch for her house in our shop, my husband told his son this is not acceptable. Later the stepson, as he moved the wood out, told my husband how confrontational I was and criticized me, even making up stories about me. Now my step daughter (who is visiting) who we invited on a ski trip would not go if I was going. There is a chance they will be over tomorrow on xmas eve to exchange gifts. I am dreading it.