Need some advice plz
Ok im having a hard time with something. My hubby an me have raised my 3 kids since very young. My kids look to hubby as their father. Hubby also has 3 kids who dont really have a close relationship due to bio destroying that years ago an now they may ring every so often mostly to see if hubby can give them money or buy them something. Hubby is having health problems an is in deep depression he is getting help both with meds an pys but its not working an only getting worst. Most of his depression has come from an accident but also from the actions of his kids. His kids are constantly getting into trouble an ringing hubby to worry him an saying anything they can to make him upset an worry. My question is this if and i hope it doesnt happen but if hubby passes away how am i going to deal with being at his funeral with my kids who will be devistated while his kids an the ex are their. I really dont think i could cope with them being their. I know his kids have a right to be their but all that they have done to both hubby, me an my kids over the last couple years i think i would find it hard to control my anger for them. The only thing i can think of it paying for it an just letting them attend an me an my kids have a quiet personal thing together just us. My hubby has been suicial for a while an im trying to help him but also i know it sounds selfish but i dont want bio mum their or his kids pretending like they are upset when in reality all they will want to know is what daddy will leave them mind you the youngest has even told her father he has to put her in the will???? Something they have all learnt from bio, but to be honest they will be waiting for a long time as they will receive nothing as he has nothing to leave. Im getting to a point now that i know sounds bad but i hope i pass away before hubby, i find myself thinking about how i will cope with them their. Is it bad that i want to have my own quiet funeral when the time comes an not attend
I like Sally's advise. I
I like Sally's advise. I would like to just add that you do not want to go before you dh. That would leave your kids to deal with bm and the skids by themselves.
Time to write a Will for your
Time to write a Will for your DH clearly stating that his funeral will be a small private affair with a specific guest list that DOES NOT INCLUDE HIS XW and if they cannot be trusted to behave approbriately DOES NOT INCLUDE IS TOXIC SPAWN!!! The Will also needs to clearly state that his entire estate goes to you. Everything. That way it makes it very hard for his XW and toxic spawn to cause too many problems.
Write the Will and have DH sign it in front of witnesses.
End of problem. Once DH is sadly gone, you have no loyalty to his toxic spawn including having them at the funeral service if they cannot be trusted to behave appropriately.
Thanks guys im just so upset
Thanks guys im just so upset an confussed about what i will do. My kids love him so very much an these skids are just making my life hell. I feel so alone as it is living with hubbys depression, i love him so much an he knows this but i keep blaming myself maybe ive done something wrong? It doesnt help that his brother constantly tries to blame me an keeps telling me that hes coming to take hubby to live with him as im not caring for him good enough. Ive told hubby this an he has told me his brother is a dickhead an he doesnt want to be anywhere but with me an the kids but i dont know i guess im just feeling useless
If a private viewing at a
If a private viewing at a funeral is what you would like (just you, your children and perhaps a handful of selected very close friends/family) that can be arranged. It's common to have a 'family' viewing prior to the 'public' viewing . If you'd be more comfortable and feel you would be able to properly grief without worries of drama and interference, no reason this can not be your route. You could go ahead with a 'public' viewing then if you like (you and the your children attending or not) or skip one all together.
If you chose a private family viewing, you could also ask your minister (or whatever type of service you/Dh desire) to speak the traditional funeral home service during this time and skip a 'public' service. You could decide to have a closed private graveside service after the traditional public viewing. There are many ways you can arrange and schedule a funeral. Your husband can even pre-plan his own service and way he wants (though in his depressed state that may be overwhelming to him).
There is no reason DH's children should be given a change to disrupt your personal loss and grieving period. If you chose to do a public viewing and service, you have every right to ask a funeral home personnel escort the children or any of Dh's family 9such as his brother) out. Just because they are your Dh's children/sibling does not give them any 'rights' to spoil your husband's services or burial.
To deliberately ban his children from their father completely during the services/burial from the get go , may cause unneeded extra drama that you don't need the stress of, but you can certainly make all the arrangements to assure that they do get a chance to be a part (however small) without actually interacting with you and your children.
Don't be surprised at the talk of a will and they thinking they should be included. You'd be amazed at how many adult children have no clue to the reality of their parent/s financial circumstances. Yes, your husband should prepare a will , but he should under no circumstances discuss his intentions with anyone other than you and his lawyer. Not his children. Not your children. Not his extended family. It's no one's business what and who he includes or excludes. How much may or my not be left to even distribute
Cut them off from your DH.
Cut them off from your DH. They are grown horrid little asshats. Let them worry their mother for a change. It does not mean your DH does not love all his children or that you are a evil stepmom, it just means that it's time to put yourselves ahead of these kids.
Thank you everyone for your
Thank you everyone for your advice