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need opinion on two situations please!

lisamarie73's picture

My bf & his 3 part time kids moved in to my home a year ago. I don't have kids, never wanted the responsibility. I'm very clean and organized person. They are not. I am always telling the kids to pick up and clean, he never says a word. Need help on getting messy family to see that they moved in with me and need to be respectful of my clean house wishes. Next, he said he was going to cook from now on (I despise cooking) so his 14 year old bd days, "if Dad cooks all the time we'll all get fat, like when we moved in and Lisa gained a ton of weight." Then she looks at me all innocent and says, "not trying to be mean but I noticed." I said, thanks, how sweet. A few hours later I brought it up to my bf, how I thought it was very hurtful and rude and the patent needs to tell his kids when they say something wrong. He said he didn't see anything mean about it. He was very upset I brought it up. He's lucky that was his kid or I would've pulled a Madea on her. Please give me advice for freaking with inconsiderate kids and a clueless dad. The dad I happen to love.

Evil stepmonster's picture

Next time tell her something. Tell her how rude she was and if he gets upset then tell him hey, if she can't point out things she's noticed so can I. About the cleaning, he's going to have to get strict with them or you're going to have to get use to a messy house. He won't get strict with them until you put your foot down.

thebrokenrecordmachine's picture

Your 14 year old SD knew what she was saying- so you put the onerous on her for intending to hurt you-could be a jealousy thing ie..taking time away from her dad.
The fact that your husband didnt defend you is more hurtful, as stated above you need to put your foot down before things get worse-its your house.
If she says anything again let your husband know and respond to her by saying such things as, "yeah I have gained weight, more cushion for the push'in" LOL.."thanks for noticing, I guess we should all watch what we eat or you'll end up like me" or "yeah your right" and move on..the first two statements were for humour...as someone who was bullied in school its best to agree with their defamation of you, catches them off guard and theyll more than likely move on.
best of luck!

blayze's picture

"I gained weight and I can easily lose it. Your attitude sucks. Can you lose that? Keep your snotty comments to yourself in MY HOUSE, little girl."

And then later, let your BF know that you will not tolerate shitty comments from his kids. Men don't pick up on mean girl behavior, so point it out. "That was an inconsiderate thing for her to say, and though I didn't show it, it hurt my feelings. Would you allow her to say that to your mother or her teacher? I'm guessing you would intervene then, right? I deserve the same respect...from you. Please don't leave me hanging when someone is being unkind to me. I need you to stand up for me or else I feel alone and unprotected in this relationship, and I may not be able to hold my tongue against the offender. I'm giving you the choice because I know she's your daughter."

joe376's picture

I wouldnt even worry about BF and go ahead and correct SD about her rude comments as soon as she says them. I dont think you need to be their parent to teach kids some manners. As for the mess, youll probably have to get used to some level of mess with those 3 tornadoes whirling around... Ive personally come to accept the bi-weekly destruction of my house.

Disneyfan's picture

Your boyfriend is an ass and a slob. He's an ass for allowing his daughter to speak to you the way she did. He's a slob raising slobs. Since he doesn't have a problem treating your home like a junkyard, his kids will follow his lead. Tyring to get the three little pigs to change will be damn near impossible.

Are you willing to ask him to move out and just date?