end of my rope
Hi all !
Been a rough summer and just when husband and I thought it was now better, seems we are wrong. Adult stepdaughter, mid 20's, with long history of violent outbursts, immature, huge sense of entitlement, treats her father and I badly. She got so bad it divided our marriage for awhile. This summer H tried to commit suicide over the situation, but lucky did not die. After he got out of hospital we set boundaries and limits with her as to her coming and behavior ( after therapy) and when we tried to implement them, she went beyond wild, coming over when she felt like it and beating the door down with her fists ! She admits to being mentally ill but won't do anything about it. She seems to have severe personality disorder and it is effecting us both. My H who is still in recovery and therapy over the events that drove him to want to end it all. She has no care or respect for that, only getting her way.. which will depend on her mood, no logical sense to anything. H is not ready for no contact, but I am as this has been going on and off about 9 years. I wanted to call police when she tried to knock the door in, but he told me not to.
He is going back into depression and not sleeping again. This is hard, very hard. There is no dealing with her as her ideas are off the wall, like the one she has RIGHTS ! to come and go and see him whenever she wants. She has disappeared for a year or more, then come back and wanted to bring strange men over, who we later found out were older guys who were convicted felons.
I don't know where this will end, but going back into counseling about my feelings of being threatened and bullied. I also fear H will not be able to overpower her never ending persistence to get her way and run over us as she is quite demanding.
Anyone else have a situation like this? what did you do? how did it work out? any tips or anything to provide some comfort or new ideas?
ps, I wanted to add: I don't
ps, I wanted to add: I don't understand someone who can't respect boundaries. They are not hard ones. Call before coming. Come alone. Stuff like that.
? I can't imagine going to someones door uninvited, out of the blue and trying to kick the door in saying you have RIGHTS.
I hope I'm not going to be killed in any of this as one day she may kick the door in. Then what ?
Well you have rights as well.
Well you have rights as well.
Your home is suppose to be your safe haven. I think you have every right to do as you please in your home.
I would take the same stance as if he was recovery from sort of surgery. He needs peace n if she can't respect it ~ do as you please. Call the cops ~ get a restraining order for yourself. You should not be subjected to her batshit crazy behavior. Set the boundaries for yourself n let the chips fall where they may. Ultimately you are protecting his mental state.
Spot on comment regarding DH
Spot on comment regarding DH in recovery, regaining his life and comparing it to recovering from a surgery or severe illness. It takes time and you need to selfishly protect your family during healing.
^^Ditto^^ Restraining Order.
^^Ditto^^ Restraining Order. DH sounds as if he needs the protection for his sanity and life at this time.
Your other half doesnt sound
Your other half doesnt sound as if his mind is in the right place to make the right decisions at the moment. Do what is right for you and you home.
Call the cops next time
I can understand completely
I can understand completely and so sorry to hear this pressed your husband to want to end his life. I was actually at that point many years ago. the pressure was juts too much and I wanted to escape it all and could not see anyway out. From that day fwd I had to make change and I do hope this is what your husband realizes. Life is good but we have to think what is good for us. Our children can actually be awfully hard on us and our steps are unrealistic as far as expectations. Set some boundaries and go lives life!
Your husbands inability or
Your husbands inability or unwillingness to set and maintain firm, consistent boundaries with his crazy daughter is what drove him to the brink. He is clearly not capable of protecting himself from the emotional turmoil that his daughter brings to the table. Mid twenties and pounding on your front door like a fucking maniac? OH, HELL NO!! Doesn't matter what your husband says, that is YOUR home and sanity, as well. Call the cops, press charges, start a paper trail and for your husband's life, GET A RESTRAINING ORDER, like, yesterday!
I am truly sorry you are going through this.
I'm happy in laws got
I'm happy in laws got involved ! It took H almost killing himself, but they now help and it will go to NO CONTACT soon, which is fine with me. She is a baby in an adult body, a terrorist. Needs to get on with her life and see we are not the lunatics
No Contact is coming soon !
H gets upset and he sees how much it upsets me too when baby brat is trying to break in the door
His parents are helping him
His parents are helping him very much.. yes its true why things got this bad, he couldn't keep boundaries with her but in laws now helping and it helps a lot, not only to straighten kids out but to also back H in what is ridiculous
stepaside, it was pretty
stepaside, it was pretty scary. Must be how the mafia feel at home, when someone comes to the door and tries to kick it in
I agree with others that said
I agree with others that said to get a restraining order, your husband may not be ready for "no contact" but you need to be. He is in a vulnerable place now and needs to be protected from his daughter.
The fact of this situation is that both DH and SD are mentally ill and you are in the middle of it. After 9 years of this dynamic your question to a counselor should be, "Why did I choose to referee two mentally ill people for almost a decade of my life and what am I getting out of it?!"