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It isnt worth it

member1234l's picture

Submitted by member1234l on Sun, 10/05/2014 - 4:41pm

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Bio Child Free Zone

When he has SD8 every other weekend, its as if I dont exist in my own home. He will also leave all day with her, sometimes all weekend and he doesnt tell me a single thing. A lot of the times he will ignore my phone calls/texts as well when he is gone, sometimes replying to my text saying "dont text Sabrina is playing on my phone".

We are engaged. And he doesnt bat an eye at this disrespect. I refuse to marry him, i refuse to put up with the secrets lies and hidden life he has behind my back involving his child/exwife/favors/his mother/and all the lies i have been told throughout the years. I must have really low self esteem to have ever entertained a guy like this in the first place....

Were both 30yrsold by the way.

Should I just pick up and leave him? We dont share anything. And I feel completely out of love with him at this point.

Delilah's picture

Submitted by Delilah on Sun, 10/05/2014 - 4:52pm

You have already answered your own post.

Leave and ensure your standards are much higher with your next man. Good luck.

BethAnne's picture

Submitted by BethAnne on Sun, 10/05/2014 - 4:55pm

If you don't want to marry him (and you are the marrying sort) then why would you stay with him and not go out and find someone who doesn't lie, ignore and disrespect you to marry instead?

You've answered your own question.

Now what you have to ask yourself is what is holding you back? Why haven't you left already?

Dvmmom's picture

Submitted by Dvmmom on Sun, 10/05/2014 - 9:22pm

I know why you are still with him. But believe me... YOU can dO better. Leave now before it gets deeper.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Mon, 10/06/2014 - 10:35am

Any man who allows anyone to disrespect his bride has no respect for himself much less for his bride.

Move on. Enjoy your life. When you are in a good place where you value yourself an amazing partner will enter your life when you are not expecting it.

Take care of yourself.

Good luck.

ChickieDee's picture

Submitted by ChickieDee on Mon, 10/06/2014 - 12:44pm

Why would you marry someone who you're not in love with anymore AND treats you poorly? It's one thing if he's the greatest guy in the world but you're not in love with him. It's another thing if you're madly in love with him and he treats you poorly. If you're not in love with him and he treats you poorly, then leave. Definitely leave.

You certainly don't want to marry into a situation where you're on the outside looking in and feel trapped because you're married.

I'd talk to him and tell him how you feel first...if you haven't already. No point in making a huge decision without letting him know what's going on with you. Maybe he's not aware how his actions are affecting you?

Either way...don't marry him if things don't get better.

epiphany's picture

Submitted by epiphany on Wed, 10/22/2014 - 3:23am

I don't know the full situation, but you guys are perhaps being a tad harsh!

He has his son every other weekend, which is hardly anything. It's understandable that his attention is fully on his son during that time. I presume he loves him, after all, just as much (but obviously in a different way) as he does you.

You mentioned lies - well ok, nobody wants to be with a pathological liar. But we men do often have our secrets. It's our way of avoiding the drama of "sharing a problem". So many people are happy to unload their personal problems on to their partners. I don't think this is good in every circumstance, especially when said problems involve an ex. He might simply be trying to keep you shielded from it.

I don't know, I'm just trying to see this from another perspective. Maybe I am completely wrong. Talk to the guy.

Sunshine7's picture

Submitted by Sunshine7 on Mon, 10/27/2014 - 6:48am

Sounds like a very familiar situation for many of us here.
I pray that you find comfort in this difficult time.
I just don't understand why DH's ignore us when their kids are around...
I personally am at the point where I have distanced myself from both of them.
I'm sick of caring for people who don't care about me.
I have officially gone into "All about me mode".

Smith75's picture

Submitted by Smith75 on Thu, 10/30/2014 - 7:28am

Leave.

I made the mistake of marrying a similar kind of man and 16 months later, we separated and I am now in the middle of a divorce from him. I was SO unhappy! I wish I had listened to my instincts while we were still engaged...please - listen to yours!