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Just when I thought the heartache was over...

Nursejulee's picture

I haven't posted here in quite a few months. I have done my best to manage my two awful SD(age 20 and 22) but the drama never lets up.
My youngest sd is so disrespectful. She is spoiled and ungrateful. I have taken up for myself twice now which I'm very proud of myself but my husband goes back and forth with his emotions. He pretty much never confronts them and wants to avoid any conflict.
Perfect example..my youngest sd told me that if her dad and me really cared about her, we should be working 24/7 and live in a trailer if that's what it took to pay for her college!!!
I was livid!! Oh and btw, this is a kid who is in a stupid sorority and goes it a university.
I confronted her on it and my husband still hasn't talked to her even though he keeps telling me he will talk to her when they are together in person. I am losing any respect for him because I don't have bio kids but I do know this..if one of them talked to me disrespectfully, there would be no waiting.

But..this is where the real problem comes in. Please don't think I'm awful. My oldest sd is a known compulsive liar and she treats my husband like crap unless she wants something.
She just had a baby less than a week ago and my husband went to go see the baby. It's funny because she didn't even ask him to come and he has to stay in a hotel.
Regardless, he is now in love with his grandson. He even is telling me how people say the baby looks like him. Give me a break!!!
I did not go to see her because I simply didn't want to because of the way she is.
Why do I think that him having a grandchild is bad? Because now she has something to manipulate him with and will hold over his head and he is going to get hurt. It won't be if he gets hurt, it will be when. Oh and I left something out..he even admits to me they don't give a crap about us BUT he then tells me to be positive!! How can I be positive?
I know I have no choice but to be positive but how am I going to do this???
I don't want to hurt his relationship with his grandchild but I don't want to be a part of it. I have gone through 13 years of being hurt over and over again. He even tells me that they couldn't have had a better stepmother. I can't do this anymore. I thank God she lives in another state but I know my husband and this baby already has his heart. I'm so worried he will have his heart broken again.
I'm in a horrible situation. What do I do?

twopines's picture

Do nothing. Disengage. My DH's grandkid is five, and when SD29 attempted to use her to manipulate, DH took care of his own business. He's a big boy.

Nursejulee's picture

Thank you guys for your responses. He keeps texting me pics of him and the baby. I haven't even responded to the pics. I am just praying I can deal with this. You guys said exactly what I want to do. Disengage and if husband gets hurt, it's his issue.

Here's my question. How do I disengage without being a b****?
How do I not act angry when he talks about the baby?

still learning's picture

My DH always shows me the latest pics of his GS 18 mos, the little guy is cute. I fawn over him just as I would a fluffy kitten picture then the fuzziness wears off and we talk about something else. Let your DH bask in this moment, infants are beautiful (most of them), it's all good now but those babies grow up.

I encourage DH's role in his kids and Gkids life but I only participate a small fraction of the time. I do like the kids but my time is precious and I have other things to do. Disengaging is great, what you're really doing is handing him back the responsibility for the relationship with the kids that he made. If that makes you a b*tch then oh well, you're in good company here.

hatesteplife's picture

My SD had a baby a year ago....and yes, she uses the grandson as a way to get to DH. I have not seen the grandson since he was born, and don't care to. DH can visit and when he comes back I just talk about dinner. SD was shocked when I didn't show up at the last get together for GS's one year birthday. "Where is hatesteplife?" "She's painting the bathroom." Smile Not my circus, not my monkeys. I've been much happier since I began to detach from the skids and their drama.

AVR1962's picture

Simply do not be a part of it. I tired and it backfired, and yes, the grand bay is used as a tool. I had to step away and leave it all to hubby to figure out for himself and what part he wanted to have with his grand daughter and son. I am not saying I didn't want to be a part but what happened made me no longer desire to try. I have gotten so sick of blame SM game, everything is my fault and nothing I do is right, everything I do or say is twisted into something that is hurtful towards me and I finally drew the line. Husband is on his own to deal with it, I do not even want to hear about it all.