I don't think ignoring this will help.
The BM of SS9 and SS12 is ok. She doesn't really give us too much trouble. But she's causeing trouble where SS9 in concerened. There is something wrong with him, mentally. She doesn't want to admit it, and truthfully neither does DH. He has been to around 8 to 10 doctors in the last year. All but one prediagnosed him with schitzophrenia with sociopathic personality disorder and bipolar. One doctor said aspergers, and that's the one the mother chose to go with. These disorders run in DH's family and some in BM's family. Neither of them want testing for any of the first three because aspergers explains it all.
I don't think it does. I'm not a doctor, but I have spoken to my therapist about it and generally people with aspergers don't threaten suicide when they know they are in trouble. They don't try to harm other people because they just felt like it, and typically you don't have to hide all your knives and cooking utensils that could possibly be used as a weapon.
I'm scared when SS9 comes over. He's already abused our cat, he's tried to be to rough with our little dog. He gets violent outbursts with DH's other kids and mine as well, but my kids have learned to stay away from them. When he's over I make sure all my kids sleep with their doors locked.
I get chest pains because I'm always waiting for SS9's "anger issues" as his BM calls them to come out, which they do all to often. He's only 9 and he's tiny, much thinner and weaker than my 9 year old but he scares the shit out of me. I don't really explain every thing to my youngest kids about it, they know that SS9 isn't like them and to be careful around him, my BS knows everything.
I know DH and BM love SS9 but avoiding a diagnosis from several doctors because it's not what you want to hear isn't going to help any one. Not to mention that his mother coddles him. Nothing is ever his fault. You bit your three year old brother? (BM's son with new husband) I guess he must of been pulling your hair or touching your glasses. I understand why you would feel the need to lash out but please just come and tell me next time cause your brother is really hurt.
You destroyed a class room and threw a desk and broke a window, you're right SS9 they should have let you keep the hood of your sweater over your head. I know it's agaist dress code, but you're a special little baby and rules need to be changed for you. Come on, I'll take you to gamestop and get you which ever game you want so you can calm down.
This are literally things she has said to him, and yes she got him call of duty. His actions are never met with consequences.
Only once has one of my kids ever gotten hurt from him. He threw a fushigi ball at my BS9 head and it hit him close to eye. I demanded somthing be done. DH's mother was there and SS9 began crying saying he was going to kill himself because all he does is mess up. So of course, SS9 gets cuddled on the bed and told how good he is. Nevermind that it could have seriously injured my son, no, SS9 is sad now so we must baby him again.
I threw the same ball and it DH with it and then told him, sorry maybe I should kill myself. Want to cuddle? He wasn't very amused but he definitely got my point. I don't know what to do. They won't face reality that he might need serious help. He could become seriously dangerous to other people. I don't like living in fear in my own home. I don't like hiding my kitchen things or always worried that my cat or dog could end up tortured to death. I've tried to bring it up to DH serveral times and he gets pissed. The doctor said aspergers. Yes he did, that last one, what did all the others say?
BM is just as bad. He's my special little baby and has to be catered to at all times. She actually told me that. What scares me most is it is eventually going to happen. He will hurt some one so severe that neither can no longer dismiss what is going on. So much that the state might get involved. Then what? I don't know what to do.
I have dealt with and still
I have dealt with and still see DSO deal with it. Residential treatment can only do so much. Unless you have the money to send him to a really good place for a long time.
There are so many things
There are so many things wrong with this situation, and I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.
One thing that stuck out to me is that BM got him Call of Duty...for a 9 year old! My SS12 doesn't even get to play that game! So she got a very graphic game for a young boy who already has violent behavior? What the hell is she thinking?!?!?!?!
I've tried to tell them both
I've tried to tell them both that they are not doing him any favors. One day there will be no mommy and daddy to come make excuses for him and then what? But it's none of my buisness.
After what happened with the cat, I never let him the cat or the dogs with out me watching closely. Another reason I told OBS everything because God help a man that messes with his baby.(his pit)
There was a time when I banned (for lack of a better word) from our house for a time. But he cried to DH about how no one loves him and he'd be better off dead and DH caves. I'm a nervous wreck when he's over. I barely sleep. I'll set my alarm and get up and check everything. DH doesn't know about that just yet as the skids haven't been over in a while. I know they'll come back though.
I love how this kid is raised
I love how this kid is raised horrible, yet they want to say that he acts out due to a mental defect. Maybe if he parents would actually parent him...he would not have so many issues. But that is not what we do in todays world. gag.
anywho...Move you and your kids out until SS is MUCH older.
My husband has paranoid
My husband has paranoid schizophrenia. It is 'kind of' treatable with meds. I feel so bad for you. IMHO I would move your children and your animals away from this child until his parents take action. Because it only gets worse. My DH isn't a sociopath nor is he bi-polar. He does feel empathy and guilt for what he does. However, sometimes when he is so far gone in LA-LA land he doesn't really have a grasp on what he is doing. His perception of reality is so off base and he responds to the stimuli he receives real or imagined. If he feels threatened he responds aggressively. Unfortunately the nature of Paranoid schizophrenia is to always feel threatened.
One thing I have learned is that even though his world isn't 'real,' to him it has all the sights, smells and sounds of reality. He actually experiences his delusions in the same way we experience the world. I have trouble keeping him on meds. Because he believes the doctors are trying to poison him. I also think that he is so used to his perception that when he is on meds he feels disoriented. That isn't the way he has experienced reality so he believes the reality on meds is a trick.
Everyday I debate kicking him out. (we divorced in 2009, I took him back in 2012 because he was in a bad place and it broke my stupid, moronic heart to see him that way) But I know he would end up homeless. My DH is brilliant but oh so broken.
Just get away from this kid. Mental illness is a special kind of hell. And if he decides that hurting your children or animals is in his best interest he will do it.
Whether your SS has a mental
Whether your SS has a mental condition or not does not matter. What matters is you are afraid of him being around your children. You need to protect your children. They are your first responsibility. You need to insist that DH and BM get SS help and not allow him in your home.
^^^^^^^^THIS TIMES A
^^^^^^^^THIS TIMES A MILLION^^^^^^^^
When the other skids are
When the other skids are there and SS9 wasn't coming although the other skids and myself have some issues it was peaceful. Well, lol it wasn't scary. I've looked at it from both side, my side now, he is scary kid who is going to eventually hurt someone. God help him if it's one of my kids becasue all bets are off then. I've looked at it from DH's side, what would I do if my son were mentally ill and this person is saying he's to scared to have him around.
I don't want to keep his son away but at the same time it's not my fault his parents refuse to see what's going on. I would never live in this denial. I would make sure my son got the help he needed, not enable his violent outbursts.
Would your DH be up to having
Would your DH be up to having SS9 see a therapist? Tell DH that it would be to help SS9 learn to manage his anger problems?
DH's Uncle suffers from the
DH's Uncle suffers from the very thing a lot of doctors told SS9's BM that he is showing signs of. DH wants to get treatment, but BM refuses. Says he just needs special love and attention and blames everything on aspergers. She refuses to admit that he might actually have a serious problem.
This is one of those
This is one of those situations that gets ignored until something really terrible happens...then everyone sits around and wonders how it happened.
If your DH is in denial, can you call the school? If he's putting other children in danger, can't they insist that something be done? He destroyed a classroom? I wouldn't wait around for DH to get his head out of the sand.
I don't know if you can legally discuss his mental (medical) condition with his school. But if you can speak to the school guidance counselor, I would tell them about his doctor's diagnosis. It's their responsibility to keep the other kids safe...they'd have to do something. If he gets removed from the school because he is a danger to himself and others, I would insist that he be removed from your home as well. Why should the other children be in danger?
I can't imagine how difficult this must be for your DH and BM but they are being incredibly selfish. SS9 needs help and the people around him have a right to be safe.
My YSS is the same way. He
My YSS is the same way. He has sugar coated RX's but he is a dangerous kid. They didn't take it seriously enough, and just thought a pill would 'fix him'. I am scared of this kid, won't let him around my younger gkids bc I can see just how dangerous he is.
It was easy for the parents to not be concerned when he was a little kid, but now he can do some damage. Throws, hits, abuses animals. Finally it had to go thru the courts to get him in a treatment center and his behavior still hasn't changed.
DSO told me they could send him to a hospital out of state that would probably do more for him, but then DSO couldn't see him every weekend for an hour.
I just SMH, so you would rather be able to visit your kid for an hour a week now, and then maybe every week when he is jail for assault, attempted murder, or murder...maybe even murder of your DD? Blinded by your love for your kid is not a way to go thru life.
That's my biggest fear right
That's my biggest fear right now, they will not take things serious until SS9 flips his shit on the wrong person or at the wrong time with a more than serious outcome. I'm not even the kids parent and I would feel so guilty if SS9 hurt someone because aspergers syndrome sounds better than what he might really have.
I never ignored anything. I
I never ignored anything. I confronted it immediately as soon as I noticed it. Rather than tolerate this crap I would call bullshit on DH and inform him that he either starts lighting Psycho SS-9's ass up with a belt when he pulls this violent frap or he and his spawn can GTF out!
Zero tolerance. Confront it aggressively ever time.
IMHO of course.
Thanks to all of you. I do
Thanks to all of you. I do think it's way past time to stop ignoring this. I've asked my therapist to help me talk to DH about it, thankfully she's agreed and we have an appointment in a few weeks.