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Really need advise on this please!!!

NoraAstepmom's picture

Okay so here is the run down, Step daughter got out of jail again and they sent her to rehab for 4 months, she called said she needed a ride I said to my husband how Is she getting there 3 hours away, he said he will fu**ing take her. I then said would you like me to go with trying to be a supportive wife, he said NO. I didn't say anything else. I left the room. I was outside with the dogs playing ball with them and laughing, I came back in the house he said what are you so Fu**ing happy about I didn't say anything. Then he says my family isn't aloud to come to his house anymore I said why what did they do he wouldn't tell me, he then said he wanted a divorce. In my mind Im thinking not a problem he is always kicking me out or saying he wants a divorce. Now things have seemed to have blown over but not with me. I feel sick on the inside I disengaged from his kids and I felt so much better but he don't like it. I told him he has never once had my back with the mean and awful things his adult kids have done and said to me.
So now that things are clam he has something called a balloon payment on his home he wants me to go with him to get a loan and paying that off. He says I can live here in his house tell I die then it goes to his kids. He tells everyone I am on the deed to his house. Me and all his kids are on as beniferies (not spelled right sorry) I am not on the deed. My feeling is I don't want his house nor do I want to get a loan with him to pay that loan he has off just for the house to go to his ass whole kids. Let them pay it off with the money he is leaving them. This is what I need your advise on please. I never know from day to day whats going to happen around here. I already know my marriage may not last. After almost 7 years of this bs I feel I cant take anymore crap from him or his so called adult babys who are nothing but liars , thief's drugs addicts and always wants daddys hand out to fix all the messes they get into. I have been so sick and feel lost and I don't no how to shake it. Thank you

hereiam's picture

First of all, do NOT take out a loan with him.

I could not live with someone who was always kicking me out or saying they want a divorce. That's emotional abuse/blackmail.

Does he only do this when the subject of his kids come up? Is he really willing to destroy his marriage over his loser adult kids?

The real question is, how do feel about him? What do YOU want?

I never know from day to day whats going to happen around here.

Certainly, you don't want to live like this?

I think I would do some planning and give him that divorce. But again, what do you want?

AllySkoo's picture

RUN. Now. Get your stuff and go stay with your family. The guy is using and abusing you, and it's time to get out.

StepLady's picture

He is a jerk and possibly crazy. Start to pack secretely and make sure you go somewhere safe.

Easylikesundaymornin's picture

So ~~~ I want a divorce but come get a loan with me ???

Wtf is that ???

Just an FYI ~ deeds triumph wills !!!

Jsmom's picture

Do not sign anything. That balloon payment is his problem. If you have one foot out the door, you do not want that kind of debt.

Also, check the laws in your state for what happens if you are not on the deed to the house. Here in GA, it is split equally between the wife and the kids. Be careful...

Rags's picture

He has shown his hand so play it for him. While he is gone to pick up his criminal spawn when she gets out of prison have the locks on the house re-keyed, file for divorce and get an RO due to his threats and fear for your safety that criminal SD represents. They can return from prison not to your marital home but to a hotel.

If any income has been used to make mortgage payments during the course of your marriage you have a legal interest and ownership position in the house.

DO NOT PARTICIPATE IN THE LOAN for his balloon payment. Even if you do not agree to be a part of the loan to meet the balloon payment if he gets the loan and pays for it with income earned while married you will have even more rights to the house.

Get an attorney. A good one will get you a notable interest in all marital assets and hand DH his idiot ass.

Take care of yourself.

sandye21's picture

^^^This^^^. There is a lot of good advice here ^^. Change the locks and get and attorney.

Evil stepmonster's picture

Cut and run and take your dogs who give you happiness with you. Get a lawyer and give him what he keeps telling you he wants.

kathc's picture

DO NOT put your name on anything...no loan, no deed, nothing.

He is an abusive asshole.

Leave. File for a divorce and cite his emotional abuse as reason. Go after him for everything you can. Do not continue being his victim and letting him take from you.

Seriously.

SebringLad's picture

I totally agree with the above people....DO NOT sign for that loan and run as fast as you can away from that mess !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

DO NOT, REPEAT, DO NOT TAKE OUT A LOAN WITH HIM! The house is in HIS name, but the loan will be in both of your names and has nothing to do with the deed of the house, etc.

If he needs to refiance the house, then make sure the deed to the house is changed so that you are included on it. Otherwise, it's his problem, you won't benefit at all. Seems he is already not being truthful about your name being on the deed.

Sounds like he is being manipulative with all the stuff about the divorce, barring your family from the house, etc. to try to get you to go in on this balloon loan. I hate to say this, but it is a form of spousal abuse. He is trying to manipulate you any way he can.

Also keep in mind.....if your name isn't on the title of the house, but is on a loan he takes out to pay off the balloon payment on the house, YOU are on the hook for the loan and don't have any part of the house. It would be akin to being a co-signer on a loan. The property is not yours, but the debt for it is.

Grrr, this kind of stuff makes me livid.

NoraAstepmom's picture

Good Morning, Thank you so much. I had a gut feeling and still do about not signing anything. But for a long time now it seems I always 2nd and 3rd guess myself. That's why I came here. I will be leaving but I have to get prepared first. I wont empty out any bank accounts, I'm not like him, but I will get some to where I can leave and try and start my life over. I'm not out to hurt anyone I just need peace in my life, as of the last 6 year's my life has been a roller coaster, never knowing from day to day where my life is or going. I have never told him his kids couldn't come here, all I said is why cant they come and have fun and not cause any problems. It doesn't really matter anymore who did what, I have learned a very hard lesion here. But I can say my husband has never had my back when it come's to his adult kids. I got tougher by coming to Step talk and reading everything on here. Does my heart hurt that I have failed at a marriage yes. But I cant be in it all by myself. Thank you all so very much. will try and keep you all updated, Thank you again.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

TAKE THE MONEY IN THE BANK ACCOUNTS FOR A FRESH START AND A LAWYER if needed. You DESERVE IT. and you will need it for a fresh start. Take care of yourself and don't worry about being like him on that matter - you are not.

And be sure to get everything that is yours you want out at one time because he isn't going to let you have it later.

Trust me on this.....your being a nice gal about the matter isn't going to matter to him at all. If you are entitled to it, and the money is there and your name is on the account....TAKE IT!

Once you are out and situated if you feel differently after all the carp he will pile on you, you can give it back.

Rags's picture

You have not failed at marriage. Your soon to be X husband has.

Take care of yourself.

goldenlion's picture

if your husband has failed to protect his wife from being abused by adult step children hes failed at the marriage not you.

hatesteplife's picture

Lots of good advice above! Get out, take care of yourself and your finances, and get a lawyer. Don't put up with another minute of that asshole. Keep us posted.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

Nora, TAKE the MONEY....all the money you can get. Drain the accounts.

I was married once before years back and when the marriage went south, my lawyer told me not to empty the bank accounts, etc. because he said I would just have to give it back - the courts would take care of it. I stupidly listened and....my ex emptied them and even though it was a joint property state where it is suppose to be a 50/50 split on assets etc., he kept most of the money. I learned the hard way. The courts don't give a ratz butt. Don't do what I did.

If you end up having to give it back, then you will only have to give some of it back and you will have money to live on and support your children.

Same thing with possessions etc.