Are you serious?!?
The past few weeks I thought DH was hinting at some extensive stay of the skids, but no. He wants to have another baby. He has two sets of kids with two different women, so four, and I have three. My youngest is 9, and I'm in my mid 30's. Why on earth would I want to have another baby?
I tried to explain to him all the reasons I refuse to have any more children. Money, age, the last time I was pregnant I was on bed rest for 6 months and had to have my cervix stitched. The time before that I had a premature birth. My oldest is about to graduate, my middle son is trying out for a magnet school that will take up alot of time, my youngest has soccer four nights a week. We have two baby pits, does any one realize how much time and energy it takes to care for pits?
All of those are good reasons to me, but he addressed the elephant in the room. I sometimes think the baby talk was really a way to bring it up. One of his kids has been diagnosed with a mental disorder, I suspect two others might be as well. I won't say that's the only reason I don't want to have kids, all the reasons I listed earlier are way above this but yes, I do fear that if I were to have a baby with DH that it might not be healthy.
I applaud all the mothers who have raised their children with disailities, I myself use to work with kids like this. It is that reason I know I could not handle a child like this full time.
It's caused a lot of tension between DH and I, but I feel the way I feel.
These are spot on and good
These are spot on and good reasons.
My kids have been out of the nest for 6+ years. I have been resentful of being stuck with young skids so that I couldn't start doing the things I put off for years (bang my head on the desk over and over).
I help a lot with my 11yo Gkid and I am 52. It is awkward at times bc the parents, for the most part, have the same foundation of age and going to school together, mutual friends etc. Even with SD and her events, I am so much older than other parents.
Being closer in age has bothered me with SD also. I did the zoo, sports, fun weekends with my bios and I'm too tired to do it all again all the time.
Yes, it runs in DH family and
Yes, it runs in DH family and one of each sets has it, at least I think so. Two different mothers SS9 has been prediagnosed and I honestly think it's only a matter of time before SD is.
I understand all the reasons
I understand all the reasons you gave. None of them are insurmountable, of course, although all are valid. But the main point - and one your DH is not addressing - is that you already feel like your family is complete. You don't want a baby. There's no "fixing" that, or working around it.
So maybe have your DH explicitly state why he DOES want a baby, and go from there. Is it because he wants an "us" baby with you? Maybe he just needs more connection, more "family" feelings that you can get some other way. Is it because he wants a neuro-typical child? Then he needs some counseling to deal with the ones he's already got. Whatever it is, I think you need to deal with the root of WHY he wants another baby at this stage in the game.
You need to start thinking of
You need to start thinking of the day when the kids are gone...I personally can't wait and the idea of having another one would make me miserable. Tell him that you don't want to. Too many kids!!
DH and I had 4 kids, 2 each
DH and I had 4 kids, 2 each before we married. Our kids are 13, 11, 9, & 8. We did have an us baby and I'm 39, she's now 1. It was extremely hard on me. I'm not trying to sway you but over 30 is rough.
DH has 1 child who seems to have alot of medical issues, so that was a concern of mine as well. I guess you can say after 2 years of pleading, I gave in. Dont get me wrong I love our daughter but I could be having date nights and sitting at the spa but I'm home with a toddler.
It changes life dramatically and I told DH, we wont be doing it again.
I think there's a few reasons
I think there's a few reasons for this.
1) He comes from a huge family, He's one of 11 kids.
2) He wants to be with his kids full time, and a new one wouldn't be an every other weekend baby.
3) I think deep down he understands his kids disabilities will be a struggle and he'd like to have a kid that doesn't struggle.
The rest, I don't know. But I am to old to be chasing around a toddler and late night ER visits. He keeps telling me what if it's a girl(I have 3 boys) and I'm all, yeah what if? I don't feel the need to have a girl. My middle son looks just like me so I'm good. If I want to dress something up in frilly things I have a dog that loves her tutus. Literally, she ate three of them.
I will start looking into
I will start looking into that Another step, thank you.
I think that geneticist idea
I think that geneticist idea is great.
If you both aren't on the same page about more children, then don't.
As for being older and having kids, it's a personal preference. I'm 37 and pregnant with my third child. I had my other two at 34 and 35. DH is 52, and wants us to have a fourth child. This pregnancy does feel more difficult than the last two, but I'm lucky enough to not have complications (thus far!) *knock wood* At soccer games with our first, the parents appear to be my age or younger, but not so much younger than me that I feel too old. In fact, DH appears younger and fitter than the fathers, and none of them look to be near 50!
My mother had me when she was 40, and I never felt that she was any older than the other mothers. My brothers were 8 and 12 years older than me, and my parents never felt they missed out by starting all over again at a later age. Again, it's personal preference; I have a friend who told me she refused to have children past the age of 30.