This is not ok!!
I have three BS ages 17-9, occasionally they will lie to get out of trouble. Is it annoying, of course it is. Do I let them think it's ok, never. My SO will get a little bit too upset about it. Raising his voice and telling my kids how he hates being lied to and liars will not be tolerated in this house. They are grounded, from everything until the next day or possibly longer if they don't fess up to the lie right away.
Enter his 4 kids. Three of them wouldn't know the truth if it jumped up and bit them on the butt. And when they're caught in their lie they quickly jump to another lie to cover the first. I sit there, mouth shut waiting for the raised voice, the liar speech, the grounding, and get absolutely nothing.
SO I asked you to never lie to me. That's not nice SD5, SS7, SS9, or SS12. Yall better stop or daddy is going to get mad.
Skids Ok daddy, can we watch what ever we want to watch?
SO sure, as long as you promise no more lies
Skids We promise.
So I'm sitting there with my mouth gaping open, my kids all retreat to their rooms to watch their tvs and boy to I get an earfull the next morning. I understand the earfull completely. When I try to bring it up to SO he flies off the handle. Tells me I just don't like his kids and I want them grounded the entire time they are with us.
No, that's not what I want. But if one rule applies to one child then that same rule applies to every child that is under our roof even if it's just for a weekend.
Am I really the only one who thinks this is a bit unfair?
Live separately until the
Live separately until the youngest kids have hit 18.
Yes and if he doesn't like it
Yes and if he doesn't like it he can visit with them somewhere else. Your kids are being exposed to that and that is changing who they are.
Jesus, NO. Your DH is being
Jesus, NO. Your DH is being completely ridiculous. If it were me, and my kids, I'd tell DH that unless he could treat all the kids the same (and unless I was ALSO allowed to discipline HIS kids) that he was NOT to hand out consequences - ever. On the one hand, he's right that lying shouldn't be tolerated - but he's creating a situation where it's not ABOUT the lying, it's about fairness. And he's being TOTALLY unfair to your kids (and to you, if he's allowed to "parent" your kids but you're not allowed to "parent" his). Let the consequence come from you and you can say, "I don't care how DH parents his kids - I'm your mother, and I love you, and I will not have you turning out to be a bad adult because of crappy parenting."
Why do you allow him to get
Why do you allow him to get away with treating you kids like that? Instead of asking him why he does this, just tell him to deal with his kids and you will deal with yours.
Or better yet, step up deal with his kids in the same manner he deals with your boys.
I don't allow it, I was just
I don't allow it, I was just so shocked when he met their lies with that. There has been a come to Jesus meeting about this. It was made very clear. Dealing with is kids is not an easy thing. It has come to the point where I've said if you're going to work, leave your kids with their mom, I'm not babysitting anymore just to have them act like asses.
I hate liars, I have 3 of
I hate liars, I have 3 of them here....I nearly splirted my coffee when I read how they make up a lie to cover the other one that didn't work....SD15 does that, it goes on so long and so ludicrous that I end up laughing in her face at her ridiculousness. I really thought she had cornered the market on the art, I see she has contenders.
My house would be fraught with constant battles if I was in the situation, I will not shut my mouth and I will defend my children and if there is favouritism then I will SCREAM about it then and there!
I'm with Disney on this tell him to butt out or interject and treat his kids exactly the same at the moment it is all happening. Your poor kids are probably feeling this double standard big time.
My DH did the very same thing
My DH did the very same thing a few months ago - totally spun out on BS11 for lying to get out of trouble and then when SS20 lied about an hour later for a worse thing he said nothing at all. Of course, I can hardly turn around and say something to a grown man-boy (SS20) so all BS11 sees is that there is one consequence for him and another altogether for SS20. Very unfair.
I just had to take BS11 aside later and say how important it is not to lie, especially not to get out of trouble even if it is tempting to think you might get away with something. Gave him examples of his dad (cop) who rains down on people extra hard if they lie and how people respect you so much more if you take ownership and apologise for a bad/wrong decision.
In your situation I agree that you parenting your children and he his is the only answer if he does not want to be a united front with a single rule for all 7 children to be dished out by either parent. You'll need to think of it like you are flatting with the neighbours - you are two single parents with separate kids and separate values/rules sharing a house.
So, why don't you be the
So, why don't you be the adult and deal with the lying in DH's kids as he feels the need to deal with the lying in your kids?
The only way you are going to get this resolved is to bare DH's ass in front of all of the kids when he fails to be consistent in how he disciplines both his Skids and his bio spawn.
Ignoring DH not being consistent means you are in agreement with him and that you are giving him permission to have a double standard when it comes to his sensitivities to liars.
Quit tolerating the double standard and call DH on his BS.
I deal with the same crap at
I deal with the same crap at my house. SD is a compulsive liar like her mother. If I raise my voice a discipline her it is fine. If he catches the lie, nothing happens. Now if any of my kids lie, which is rare, he acts a fool.. It is downright irritating as hell. I no longer discipline SD. It is not my responsibility what type of adult she turns into. My kids are my responsibility
Of course it is unfair. What
Of course it is unfair. What you should do, IMHO, is get in his spawn's faces and give them exactly the same lecture he gives your boys verbatim.
If he takes exception climb his ass!!!!!!
Ignoring his double standard is enabling and condoning it. If you don't like it, do something about it.
Good luck.