Co-dependent DH! Get some common sense family!
So I am ill. Very ill. My heart dips below 30 beats a minute regularly. They don't know why. They don't know why I have to sleep almost 9 to ten hours a day. I tell you this so you know part of my story. I have not asked for more help from anyone. No rides to the doctor or appointments made for me though I will certainly ask if I need it down the road.
Now my step children are another story. I have been looking to end my marriage and so have been reading up. One of the books I have read is about co-dependency. I realize that they are the most co-dependent group ever. My DH does anything his children ask. And I mean anything. My SD 26 does not have a car. Why, because she totaled her car not paying attention in commute traffic. A car she had only had for 3 months. So Saturday, the only day of the week that my DH and I have for each other, she calls up and says she missed her train and would my DH want to drive her 2 hours there and then 2 hours back to her girlfriend's house because she does not want to wait an hour for the next train. We had plans in 30 minutes to go to a movie. We are literally just about to walk out the door. I reminded my DH that we have plans! He gets mad at me but tells her she can come borrow his car. She whines and says doesn't he want to hang out with her in the car. He keeps looking at me like can I go? But I stood my ground. He kept apologizing to her and told her that he wished he could drive her.
So when she got here, after a lot of whining on her part and his, I flat out told her. Why don't you just take the train. It would take less time and not put out your father. She had no answer. Just gave me that smarmy look of hers. But she took the car.
My unemployed SS bought a playstation 4 with his college money and then left my DH a bill for the money. And I asked my husband if he is going to pay it and he said yes. Because his precious son paid for his own co-pays at the doctor and he feels obligated to pay him back. Even though my DH already pays the kids base medical. It seems to me that if my SS can afford trips and games and new computer stuff he can pay his own co-pays. We pay for all of his food and his gas. That should be enough.
My SD 21 came along on our last vacation to my dads home. A 4 hour drive away. We had planned to go for 3 days. It is a long drive and we rarely go. I asked my DH to tell her exactly how long we are going for.
2 hours into the drive there she tells us she has to go back the next day because she has class and she will flunk out if she misses another class. There is no public transportation to get her back. So our trip is ruined. We go but I am so mad. I didn't want her to come in the first place but allowed it. DH and I fought for days after that. And she flunked the class anyway. Needless to say she has not gone on another vacation with us since.
Anyone else realizing that their DH is completely co-dependent when it comes to his kids.
Thank God, no. I would blow a
Thank God, no. I would blow a gasket.
Any chance your condition is stress related?
It is at least fueled by
It is at least fueled by stress.
I think he has dumbass
I think he has dumbass written on his forehead. I would absolutely flip the f out.
First, I will NEVER go on
First, I will NEVER go on vacation with ANY of my DH's kids - NEVER!!!!
Second, make sure you get a damn good divorce attorney because your husband is also spending YOUR money on his adult kids.
Third, I would suggest like Cat suggested - disengage 100%. If you are ill, YOUR health is YOUR main priority, not your DH and not his kids.
Good luck!
Wonder boy at this household
Wonder boy at this household has an endless list of needing to save the day or look like the good guy when it comes to his youngest daughter. Sometimes it is difficult to tell if it is just sd or ex and sd as one fused together.
It's been 15 years of watching dh make a complete fool of himself. For me to point out the obvious just ends up with him angry. We are an older couple, retired, and met when all our children were grown. I had no idea that: life with dh could be so entertaining. Entertainment is what it becomes.
A few examples....dh travels alone to the state sd lives. Dh phones to offer eating at a restaurant . Sd brings dh's ex along for a free meal. Sd, the ex and dh all know this crap don't fly with me. They set the bait, dh participates to appear as the nice guy. Dh is in the doghouse when he comes home.
Several years back...ex is dating a realtor. She meets him at his openhouses to spend time together. Suddenly she is buying a rental property. The realtor/ love interest collects his free sex, his commision and when she can't come up with 300. Dollars still needed for costs dh steps in to save the day. After all his dd asked for the money and would be living there. ...doghouse again.
Best one has to be the time he went over to exes home, insisted he must rewire the dilapidated place from attic to basement. Claimed it was a fire hazard.and since the sd had moved out of her safe apartment into mom's house then the grandkids were in danger. We fought over that one big time. He rewired the entire place for free. 4 months later they were put out. I knew before he started that the place was in the court system to be auctioned foreclosure. They knew, so did I. They never told him, I told him after the job was done
Wow. Love what you did though
Wow. Love what you did though to handle it.
By "they don't know why" do
By "they don't know why" do you mean that medics can't find an organic cause? If so, and if they are right at the end of all their testing, that is great news. Because this is stress/depression and can be treated temporarily with heart medicine but long term with a change of lifestyle. Stepmomdavis, look at your lifestyle, fitness, diet and relaxation issues, and please prioritise them. Also take a stand on your skids because if your DH refuses to alter his ways as a result of that stand, sure enough it will give you strength to take the departure you want to. If he does alter, fine too.
I have had exactly similar experiences to what you are describing only this was when my Skids were in their teens. I prevented, sidestepped and otherwise was on a campaign to avoid this happening after they were 18. I mostly succeeded. You can too and you must. You can't live this life with adult parasites hanging off you. It really does get better once you stand up to them. You did right by speaking to your SD direct about the train. Carry on in that direction. It will get easier. If it does not, then it will by that same token get easier to ditch the whole lot of them.
I'm rooting for you. I really know what those particular demands from skids are like.
My heart condition is a real
My heart condition is a real thing that I have dealt with for years. But the chronic fatigue is new. And they thought it was caused by my heart. They are separate problems and now I have to fix them both.
Don't forget to change the
Don't forget to change the locks in the house and put him and his spawn out on the curb. Keep every fraction of a penny in assets you can capture.
You should not suffer at all by having to divorce this sniveling excuse for a man if possible.