Is BM stupid or evil?
SD6 came over this past weekend. She knew BM was moving and that she'd be going to her new home after school today.
On Saturday, DH had her call BM. Apparently, BM told her that her fish had died during the move and BM had flushed them. SD was pretty upset. She has been wanting a pet of her own for years and was soooo excited when BM got her a tank and 4 fish for her b - day a couple months ago.
Compound that with SD having to move for the 2nd time in 4 months because her loser of a mother can't hold a relationship together. SD was already feeling pretty fragile this past weekend. Of course, BM tells SD to have DH bring her by the new apt. so she can check it out. So then DH looked like the bad guy for saying no to that.
My questions is this: what the hell kind of mother tells her 6 yo that her fish just died on top of an already difficult move?? Why wouldn't she just quietly go out and buy some more damn betas. They cost like $1. SD would have never known and she would have her fish in her new room to comfort her. What. A. Bitch. I had no idea someone could behave like such a sociopath to their own child. Actually, I did. From reading this site. Guess I just thought this BM had already gone as low as she could go.
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Comments
It's a frikking fish,
It's a frikking fish, seriously? It's a frikking move. People move.
It's not an issue unless you make it one. Stop making BM into a monster. She might be a loser, but so are a lot of people, the kid will be fine.
Yeah, it is just a fish to
Yeah, it is just a fish to me. But I'm 42, not 6. And they were her pets. If my dog died, I'd be pretty upset. So in your mind, it's a fish, not a dog or cat, so no big deal?
And I, as an adult, wouldn't want to move twice in 4 months. Moving sucks. It disrupts your life in so many ways. As an adult, at least one can understand the need for a move. But SD doesn't even understand why this is happening, she just feels helpless and out of control. But a 6 yo should just suck it up, I guess?
I'm not making it an issue. SD sobbing in my arms this weekend did that. And yes, BM is a monster, she doesn't need my help with that.
You are not her mother. If I
You are not her mother. If I killed a fish, I would tell my kids. Jussayin as for "crew"... Really?
Maybe BM was overwhelmed with
Maybe BM was overwhelmed with moving and was just not thinking? Maybe she made a mistake?
I can see why SD6 would be crying. Can you get her fish to bring home? Cheer her up?
Yeah, I'm not saying BM
Yeah, I'm not saying BM murdered the fish on purpose. Shit happens. But this happened on Friday or early Saturday. Why didn't BM just run out to the pet store on Sunday and buy a few betas? They all look the same; SD would have never known. And they cost next to nothing. That's what I would have done just to make her transition into the new apt. easier.
If BM won't get her new fish, she has some hermit crabs at MIL's that MIL has been trying to pawn off on us. Maybe we'll see if BM will let her bring those home.
I like the idea of BM having
I like the idea of BM having crabs..... }:)
I agree, it's a lot for a 6
I agree, it's a lot for a 6 year old to deal with. And just when you think BM has stooped lower, they actually top themselves over and over again, It just hurts when they don't have any regard for the children they hurt.
Telling SD on the phone that
Telling SD on the phone that the fish had died was an attempt to interfere with Dad's parenting time. I don't care how BM handled it - buying new fish, talking about death with SD, whatever - but she should have been handling it with SD during her parenting time.
^^^this.
^^^this.
I guess I think that if I
I guess I think that if I were the BM, and my fish, (or father, or neighbour) died, there's no way I would feel ok about delivering that news on the phone to a 6 year old. Never mind a 6 yo who's moving this weekend for the second time in less than 6 months and who seems to have expressed some anxiety.
Perhaps it wasn't an attempt to manipulate/interfere with the custody time. But it was at best piss-poor parenting, and at worst, some kind of attempt to manipulate or interfere with something.
To me, it would have been easier to have a face-to-face with my kid after the pick-up-from-Dad's debriefing. Wasn't it nice to see Dad again? What was the nicest thing about the weekend? What was your favourite part? Oh, here we are, this is our new house. Before we go in, I have some sad news for you. Swimmy the Fish died while we were moving. It's really sad. So you won't see him when you go inside. Maybe you'd like a draw a picture of him after supper?
So, not delivering bad news the kid will need help processing in a situation where the kid can't get appropriate help (since Dad was also blindsided and plus, never even met Swimmy).
But yeah, maybe there were no evil intentions. But no caring, parenting intentions either.