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This week with SD's was hell.

counseling.advocate's picture

The disappointment I feel when I look at their faces is enough to make me want to throw up sometimes. I feel like a horrible person for even feeling that way about a child. Disappointment, resentment, anger. The thought, "I wish you would just go in the other room now" etc.

This week just started off with a bad feeling. Sd11 had an attitude. That 11 year old, prissy "I'm in middle school now and I have a locker now and so I'm a tween and entitled to grown up attention" I tell her to do something and I'd get "eeehhh, I don't think so, I should do this, I'll do it later because of this" both girls have been firing back over everything, so stupid.

Sd8 decided to invite her mom on our planned family outing to a park event, through text on her iPod. Not okay. Family event, no exes! DH had to have the awkward conversation with sd which did not go down well. BM didn't end up coming, but she was planning to at first.

On the family outing the girls complained the whole time. Ruined the trip. I tried taking pics and sd11 refused to smile and turned around. They had fun things for kids and she even did some things. They are just brats and don't appreciate culture! (Culture event) maybe if Miley Cyrus were there they would care...

Anyway I just wanted to vent. That's not even all, but feels good typing at least that out. Their selfishness and inability to follow the rules and use their head just makes me not even care to look at them. Can't wait till they leave for a week tmrw!

Rags's picture

I think the only way to deal with this kind of behavioral crap is keep consequences firmly in front of the kids constantly during their snarky crap.

"No little girl you are not an adult and your butt will get swatted in public if necessary if you don't get your lippy snarky attitude firmly under control immediately!!!"

Then do it!

OrangeUGlad's picture

Disengage, already!

They don't listen to you or give you attitude? Shrug. Don't tell them to do things, let their father do it.

They don't appreciate culture [or fill in the blank with whatever you feel they should appreciate]. So what?!? People have different interests. This goes for skids, biokids, whatever. It is important to let kids develop their own identity.

They don't like to get their pics taken? So what?!? Neither do I, neither does my dd, neither does sd. Try to snap some candids when they don't notice. In fact, this is a pet peeve of mine because dh is always pulling out his phone and trying to take pics when we are trying to enjoy ourselves.

Inviting bm on a family outing?!? LOL OMG I would be livid!! Sounds like your dh handled it and it worked out but Yuck!!

AllySkoo's picture

Completely THIS!!

There is no reason you have to put up with snarky teen attitude - that's Dad's job. You don't ask them to do anything AND you don't do anything for them either. It's a 2 way street.

I also agree that it's fine if they don't like/appreciate the outings you plan - but in that case, they should stay home (with grandma, a sitter, whatever) and not come ruin it for everyone.

Jsmom's picture

Stop doing nice things, if they do not appreciate it. Disengage now and then you are not always frustrated with their behavior.

counseling.advocate's picture

Yeah we have an incentive behavior chart that has really improved things a bit... But still they do crap and throw their tantrums and don't use their head and the disappointment I feel for them over the joy I feel for DS makes me feel bad.

Yeah if I don't do anything for them at all though and try to get rid of them when DH isn't around then everyone hates me for it. The in laws, BM's assumptions that I treat them like shit are solidified and DH resents me for not making them feel welcome and loved because he wants them to want to come here over moms.

Things that I would really like to avoid is

- listening to sd11 talk my ear off about the same things over and over again. Like 10 times.
- the fighting, especially when they fight with DS
- selfishness, god all they care about is themselves and things they want. Nothing is ever enough for them.
So much more but in regard to these things for now, what can I do when he isn't home to keep them away from me? Am I supposed to listen to sd11 talk my ear off? Is that just something I do because it's common curtosy or do I tell her thanks you already told me that, go play, read, something.

If they aren't loved enough by me they throw a temper tantrum about it, but I'm so sick of their behavior and DH is trying hard to do what I want to parent but I hate having to bitch at him how to do it along the way. I'm so annoyed and sometimes I'm ready to leave this place.