How can this be good ??
I have been thinking lately ~ over thinking maybe but thinking just the same.
We all struggle with issues being a SM ~ we go through the cycles of caring, then loving, then it starts to crumble .... Hating, to loathing and then disengagement. Although disengagement is protecting our hearts for all the right reasons.
I am starting to feel like I have half of a relationship ~ love DF tremendously but there is a giant part of him that is not there. Because he has an estrangement with his daughter I don't know if it is in my head or he is generally upset for the lack their of a relationship w his daughter. I can't imagine not speaking to my children for years on end, I can't imagine trying repeatedly to have lunch w my kid n continuously being turned down. I can't imagine that blow to my heart.
I tell myself repeatedly that I didn't do anything different than I did with my own kids. I stayed consistent ~ I tried. She has an issue with her father changing ~ and blames me. That's his burden to fix not mine. I can't fix that at all. What I could change n actually won't change is welcoming her in my home. The only way that will happen is if and when she shows remorse. That is her burden. So why am I the reason for their disconnected.
How do I become approachable for him to speak of her ~ I am so hurt for the viscous shit she has done. It's not little shit ~ it's not her ignoring me cause I could handle that ~ it was over an above vicious shit. How can he expect me to be open minded about hearing anything that is going on in her life.
Am I being a bitch for not wanting to hear anything about her. I gave him all I could give to him in regards to her ~ I am happy you see her I want you to have a relationship with her.
WTF ???
No but imo you 2 have to talk
No but imo you 2 have to talk and maybe some solo counseling? It's eating away at you too much. I know how it feels but it's sapping you.
I honestly have been thinking
I honestly have been thinking of this !
Notasm ~ It's not me who
Notasm ~
It's not me who wants the happy blended family ~ I think he is living in 1970's Brady bunch rerun.
I honestly think he could have a relationship with her without me. And he & I can have a relationship without her. Cause honestly a relationship is between to people ~ not three.
My issue is him ~ he needs to fix things with her. Like he can't be complete without fixing things with her. I can't fix that ~ I didn't change. He did ~ how can you communicate to a pos Veruca that your actions got you where we are. That he has her father changed because he wasn't holding her responsible to anything until I came along n he realized he was peerenting not parenting. I stayed consistent. It's not my problem that he laid down with a narcassist that doesn't know how to parent properly n he tried n was doing his best but his best was fucked up beyond words. So because he saw how I parented n agreed ~ I am the asshole. I didn't make him ground her ~ I pointed out how unfair it was where my daughter n her got caught doing the same exact thing n we punished accordingly. I didn't put a gun to his head.
My DH is estranged from BOTH
My DH is estranged from BOTH of his kids. They say he has changed. They think I'm the reason. Before me, he drank too much, was on anti anxiety medication and allowed people to abuse him and generally treat him like shit.
Now, he is off all meds, lost his beer belly and stands up for himself. THEY don't like it. THEY hate me because I've empowered their dad tobe be the BEST version of himself. This means THEY have to act accordingly or else. Well, it's been 4 mos since we've seen or heard from SS17 and SD21 only occasionally reaches out to daddy - when she needs something. Like last night at 12:30 when we were sleeping and she texted darling daddy for help with something - she was with her asshole boyfriend who is useless, so she calls dad. Well the old dad would've left his phone on "just in case". The new dad, silences his phone when we're sleeping. Oh Well....
Yeah, I'm a bitch. His entitles brats have NO IDEA.
I can't stand when he talk about the skids. Does he talk to them about me? I have no clue. He really wants a Brady bunch and it's not going to happen. EVER
We went to counseling with someone who specializes in step issues. THAT made a huge impact. The therapist was able to show DH my point of view and why I just don't care and why the Brady Bunch is bullshit. He got it and life has been great. I hope you can find someone like to help you. I made such a huge difference for us.
Weekendwidow ~ He respects
Weekendwidow ~
He respects my thoughts and understands fully why I disengage from her. He agrees I have a right. His issue is that she is his daughter his one and only and he feels that she needs him ~ she wants him when she wants him. She wants that peerant back the way things used to be. Where darling daddy would turn a blind eye on her behavior. He believes he can get through to her ~ get her to go back to college n get a job.
I told him flat out that she is not welcome in my home ~ unless she whole heartedly shows some sort of remorse from all that she had done. I know in my heart that will NEVER happen !!! His siblings are convinced that sometime down the road in life ~ she will change and see the light. I believe she is just like her mother n her mother believes he is 100% responsible for the demise of their relationship. She has hàted me for over 25 years. I didn't raise her to be so entitled ~ I didn't pass those narcassistic traits on to her. I can't get pass the whole ~ no empathy for others.
Your SD sounds so much like
Your SD sounds so much like my own. She's been so hurtful and rude and can't understand why I don't like her when she wants me to. I left my first marriage because he was a narcissistic asshole who emotionally abused me for years. Because of that experience, I can smell another narcissist a mile away and boy does SD ever stink. I don't have time in my life for her or others like her. SHe is just like BM and I can't stand with either one of them. They deserve each other. Sorry you're in the spot you're in. I know it all too well.
Difference is my SD doesn't
Difference is my SD doesn't want me in DF's life. She would rather him be by himself I am sure. She likes when good old reliable Dad was at her beckon call.
I love him more than anything and a part of me feels bad that he feels so alone and doesn't have his partner to share his events with him. But on this subject I have to stand my ground cause it doesn't only involve me ~ it involves my children. I have no input on his relationship either way ~ to help him or comment. I just have nothing to say ~ except I can't ~ I can't help you. I won't listen to you go on about her ~ I can't with an honest heart hear about her. I will support you having a relationship with her and I am happy you are making your effort to. But when she fails you ~ I can't swoop in n save you. Your have to get hurt before you learn ~ this is not my lesson to learn. I learned about her already n I won't get burned again.