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Pictures of SD half sibling on our fridge?

I-need-help's picture

My SD17 has decided to put up a picture of her half sister on our fridge. I took it down and told her that that girl is not part of our family and doesn't belong on our fridge. When my husband came home, she showed him the picture and asked if there was anything wrong with it. He said no. She put it back up. He claims that he didn't know why she was asking. He is too much of a wimp to ask her to take it off. It bothers mea lot. (I'm also 7 months pregnant and we have 3 yr old twins). Am I overreacting????

Background: My SD was in foster care for the past 4-5 yrs. My SD and her half sister accused my husband of inappropriate touching while my husband and his ex were fighting over custody of SD. Totally unfounded. My SD chose to go to foster care. In Nov, she decided to move in. Her mom is in another state and doesn't really visit her. For Christmas we had to pay for her to go see her mom. I wanted a break. This summer mom wouldn't/couldn't pay for SD to go visit.

katielee's picture

Take it off. Your home, your rules.

My SD put a pic of her brother (not my Dh's son) on my fridge. She put it on the side just above the trash can, and oooops! It fell right in. Darn trash can. }:)

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

If the kid wants to put up pictures of their half-sibling (which I am guessing has nothing to do with you or DH) up in their room, go for it! However, it is not appropriate for them to demand that these pictures be allowed in public areas of the house. I see it the same as a picture of BM. Until my ex turned into a complete ass (instead of a "mostly" ass), BS19 had a picture of him in his room. SheSloth has pictures of BM and her half-brother in her room (child BM had with her current husband). This I feel is totally appropriate. These people are still part of the child's family, though they are not part of yours.

I say take it down and explain this to your DH.

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

I must have missed that part...even worse! But even still...public areas are not appropriate place for this. Even without the allegations...the half sibling is not a child of any adult in the house, thus, they do not deserve space on the family fridge! The girl can put it up in her room if she wants to see a picture of her sister every day.

GoodBye's picture

Why would she want it on the fridge? Pictures like that belong in a teenager's room. I never stuck pictures of me and my full brother on my parent's fridge, and I am not a COD. Just weird.

Poodle's picture

Tell your husband this. He was accused of molesting that girl, not his own kid. He now has a picture of that girl (in what clothes?) on his refrigerator. One or other girl starts a fresh accusation, police raid, child protection visit, there is a picture on his fridge which he looks at every day... get it? EVIDENCE OF INTEREST.
If he hasn't wanted to take that picture off the fridge for his own protection he needs his consciousness raised the hard way.
Get it off, destroy it, and tell the SD she brings nothing of her sister's into the home because your husband is an innocent man and does not want any more false allegations. Search her stuff as she comes in and remove anything connected to the girl.
Make the protective position plain in front of both of them and tell all supportive adults in your family what you have done.
Disgusting threat to your family and peace of mind.
I would have removed it even apart from the false allegations issue. It's not her kitchen. She can put her favorite people's pics on her phone.

Poodle's picture

Also I note you have only just joined this site and are a bio mother. I don't know the evidence in this history but think hard. If you have the slightest thought your husband is guilty of abuse, live separately and explore the issues for yourself. If you are sure he is innocent, nevertheless this girl is a loose cannon and will destroy life for your bios. Your bios come first here if they are minors. Do not allow her anywhere near them OR into your home. Otherwise, she will try to get them to make allegations too.
What kind of craziness is this.

Poodle's picture

no tommar the SD is 17. which is when often people leave foster care in any event, therefore the decision to leave is not necessarily a vote of faith for daddy. She hasn't anywhere else to go unless she goes it alone.
Too much is being left to trust.

Poodle's picture

They both are not risk aware and I cannot yet judge why. But I certainly find it concerning that the OP is more troubled by a pic on a fridge than the impact of the allegations.

Rags's picture

Tell her and DH that the pic can be displayed in SDs room and either DH tells her or you will ramp up the clarity if you have to deal with it and SD nor DH will like it.