I am at a loss now.
Where to begin is the question for me....
I met my boyfriend about a year ago. I knew he had children and that he had an ex-wife. I have never had kids of my own save nieces and nephews around me. We started keeping his son on the weekends. It was a serious adjustment for me. I grew close with his son immediately. His daughter on the other hand, was very hard to deal with. She never calls him dad she refers to him by his first name. They had issues way before their mother died. He was dating a woman prior to me who tried to keep him from seeing his kids. His ex-wife essentially kept the kids from him because she didn't agree with how the woman was. She was into drugs and had given most of her kids up, they were taken from her. I would not want my kids around someone like that myself.
This woman caused a rift between him and his daughter. He didn't see his kids for a year. After they broke up, we met and we've been together since. It has been hard on me to see his daughter disrespect him. She had nothing to do with my boyfriend, always talked to him like a jerk. She treated him horribly and refused to enjoy Christmas with us. There are serious issues that I have wrong with her right now. I just cannot get passed it no matter how hard I try.
She never does what I ask and refuses to have responsibility in the household with chores. I told my boyfriend that I thought she should help. He accused me of favoring his son over her. He said either I treated them equally or I don't belong around them. I think asking a teen to do one chore is not a bad thing, it teaches them that they will have responsibilities one day and they had better get used to it. My ideas are different than his, so I just back off. I do everything in the household now, his son helps me believe it or not.
It is getting to where I feel like no one respects me here.
How dare you ask Princess to
How dare you ask Princess to clean up after herself ~ you are so evil. Daddy guilt is what he has a case of. Not your problem ~ how come the son has no problem helping out.
Why do fathers have such a difficult time actually speaking to their children ???
A lot going on with this
A lot going on with this daughter. You don't say how old the children are.
For starters, your BF is correct in at least one thing. You should be expecting household rules and responsibilities out of both children. Yes, the daughter should be assigned a select set of chores and doing other odd and ends request (spur of the moment helping), but so should the son. Yes, the chores might be totally different in nature (ex: son mows yard, does garbage/trash take out) and daughter does dishwasher x amount of evening a week. But there are routine tasks both children should be doing such as cleaning their rooms, vacuuming , age appropriate laundry ect.
It sounds like these kids went through a divorce of their parents, but then also went through a GF/potential SM2b from hell. Their father chased after the GF who wanted him to have nothing to do with his kids, and the BM started PAS'ing the kids. They lost (regardless of who's fault)their father for a year, and then finally BM herself passed away. Ouch. A lot of trauma, drama and loss for two children.
Next, here comes you.
Does Dad have the kids in counseling? they may need help in working through all the events. Losing a parent to death is a life changing event , as was the divorce, the poor selection of the GF...these kids are likely very untrusting and scared shitless of what's to come next in their lives.
Your BF doesn't sound as if he's going to work with the children on the lines of having manners and adult respect and if you intend to stay and give this a go, it's something you are going to have to work with the children on your own self (especially the daughter). No, you will not accept disrespect, children who ignore you when you speak or make a request. No, they'll be no lazy bums in the household. Everyone will have rules and chores and there will be consequences for not following them. You're not the 'bad guy'. But when four people live in a house together everyone has expectations...their past issues and blues does not excuse them of this. You can't wait for Dad to pull his head out of the sand and start parenting these kids. You either leave now, r you dig your heels in and you lay down how things are going to be in the house and you mean it.
The worse that will happen if you take control of your home is the kids will either end up hating you or they'll learn to accept you and that all you do. It won't be easy, but it can't get any worse than it already is, right?
I am dealing with the exact
I am dealing with the exact same thing. SD expects $110 a month yet she refuses to do chores. Husband won't push the issue.
Run.
Run.
Daddy is so clueless that he
Daddy is so clueless that he can't see that giving his teen daughter some responsivilities is critical to raising a viable adult. So, make a chore list. Split it 60/40 between SD and SS, inform daddy that if they are in any home you reside it that they will have chores and if he has a problem with it he and his spawn can GTFO.
IMHO of course.
Set rules, enforce the rules, implement discipline for failing to abide by the rules.
Daddy may learn something. This is called parenting.