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NMKNMP

JYMCat's picture

NMKNMP= Not my kid, not my problem

I've adopted this "attitude" and S/O and I aren't even living together yet. All of my family and friends feel that if he and I were to get married, that I should take on the mom role. S/O thinks so too. I know most, if not all of you know what I'm talking about. What they don't seem to realize is that I don't want to to take on this role. Maybe I'd be more inclined if I didn't already know that S/O is more likely to dismiss my input when it comes to his daughter than he is to consider it.

Perfect example,

We're going to the birthday party of my friend's twin girls on Saturday so, he's taking her to get her hair done today. She is a bi-racial child and she has "ethnic"(I hate that term) texture hair. He calls me and asks me for advice and I give it to him. He texts me later to tell me he made an appointment and she's getting waterfall curls. I didn't know what they looked like so I googled it. All of the images are of children with hair of a different texture than his daughter's. I know that the stylist will have to straighten her hair in order to accomplish this. This is an issue because he lives by the ocean. Which, anyone who ever straightens their hair knows how much humidity will ruin it. The second issue is that even though this is supposed to be his weekend having FSD he's taking her to her mother's house right after the hair salon and then we're picking her up the day of the party and then taking her back after the party. Which is why he can't take her to the salon the day of the party like he should. BM doesn't comb or brush FSD's hair now as it is so I know she isn't going to wrap FSD's hair before bed so that it isn't ruined. I tell him waterfall curls will not last two days and that he should get some type of braids that won't be destroyed by BM when she's over there.

But he doesn't like braids and I'm like TOO BAD you're raising a bi-racial child. She doesn't have hair like your mom or your sisters and she won't ever have hair like that. The only way to accomplish getting that type of hair for her is to get a wig or a weave which she doesn't need because she had a FULL head of gorgeous hair of her own. Although he's thrown out all of my suggestions so far he keeps asking, "well what can I get besides waterfall curls?" and I'm like I f***ing told you already dude. He's going to do what he wants and I'm throwing my hands up and saying, f**k it, she's not my kid and it's not my money. If she were my child I'd take her myself but she isn't. My family and friends are always saying that I can't treat her different than the children I don't even have yet but I'm like WTF do you suggest I do in this situation huh? I can't kidnap her and then get her hair done in a style her parent hates. I wouldn't even be against waterfall curls if we were taking her the day of the party because that would make sense but we're not. He's taking her today and then to her mom's. Anyone who curls their hair with curling irons knows that s**t isn't going to last very long the day of, let alone the next day and after it being slept on.

That's my rant for the week.

Have a good weekend everyone.

:::Edit::: Also, I have the same texture hair so I really do know wtf I'm talking about but he still ignores me

Comments

Mercury's picture

Tell him to watch Chris Rock's Good Hair documentary. I know this only applies to that one example you shared and not the bigger problem but it's a good thing for him to watch anyway.

JYMCat's picture

Thanks! Good advice. He took her to get it done already and it's straight with one braid. It looks cute but it's not going to last. He also thinks the stylist was rough because FSD cried the whole time. I just reminded him that her hair is curly and that it was friggin tangled and she's not used to it. Plus she knows that turning on the waterworks in any situation (not just hair) will get her way. Maybe if he watches "Good Hair" he'll stop being such a sensitive Sally.

BethAnne's picture

I don't know many people that would be able to keep their hair style looking pristine for 2 days after going to the salon. Why is he spending money on styling her hair especially for a party with your friend's kids? Sounds like overindulgence to me, the only times I have ever had my hair professionally styled were for my sisters wedding where I was a bridesmaid and my own wedding...maybe I'm unusual but I don't understand it.

JYMCat's picture

He's not overindulging her. Although she is very spoiled. In this situation, he doesn't know how to do her hair. That's why he's paying someone to do it. When I met her she was two and her hair hadn't been combed by her mother or my S/O like ever. My sister does hair so I asked her if she would do it and she did it twice. Then she and I both agreed that she should stop doing it because every time she went through the task of untangling it and braiding it in a style that was supposed to last for at least a week S/O would take the braids down the very same day my sister did her hair and wouldn't even comb it afterwards. Just put her to bed or let her get it wet in the pool and let it air dry. Still no combing. That was two years ago. I've tried showing him how to detangle and style her hair but he doesn't listen. I've untangled her hair countless times and I just got to a point where I was like why bother? I don't live with them and I'm not even engaged to the dude. Plus he treats FSD like a glass vase and every time she starts to whine or cry from getting her hair combed he stops. I've told him so many times that a) it's his fault her hair is so f***ing tangled because he never combs it and b) it will never be comfortable to get her hair combed but it would be less painful if it were combed everyday like it's supposed to be. He continued to not comb it so I suggested that if he's not going to do her hair than he should pay someone to do it. It's not fair for her that he father and mother won't do her hair and someone has to teach her to do it so that she can get older and do it herself so that he doesn't have to pay someone to do it. This trip to the salon is the second time he's taken her ever. The first time he went against my advice again and took her someplace that doesn't deal with her type of hair. He paid $80 to have her hair straightened. Not only did the stylist not even style it, she didn't even straighten it properly. It looked like a she just ran a comb through it while she had the blowdryer on.

BethAnne's picture

Ok, I get the picture now, thanks. Yeah he sounds pretty useless as far as her hair goes, at least he is trying with salon i suppose but it seems a bit lame compared to just combing her hair.

JYMCat's picture

Seriously. I always ask the same people, how would YOU feel if some other adult that your ex picked tried to parent your child? I always get silence.