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People keep telling me I should be upset, but I'm not!

Drac0's picture

So last week, after my explicit warning to DW of what I would do if I came home to find SS hanging out with his friend at our house, SS tried the following over text:

SS: Can my friend come over?

DW: Your friend can come over AFTER you have done your homework.

SS: K

DW: Im serious! If you just show up with your friend after school Drac0 is going to be mad!

SS: KK

::later::

SS: Can I go to my friend’s house after school instead?

DW: NO! You are to come home and do your homework! End of!

SS came home and was pretty sullen the entire evening. DW showed me the texts.

“I guess I’m the bad guy huh?” I said and I laughed. DW re-read her texts and only realized then and there how it makes me look.

“I am so sorry!” DW said. “I didn’t mean to sound it like that. I really meant to say that both you and I will get mad but it is difficult to text quickly from work.”

I just shrugged my shoulders. I told DW flat out that I really don’t care if I am made out to be the bad guy. I really don’t. I just didn’t want SS to continue acting like he is on some permanent summer vacation.

I told a friend of mine about it and he seemed a little taken aback. "DW shouldn't have done that. Now SS is going to think you're the bad guy." Again, I didn't care. I really don't care what SS thinks of me, so long as he is doing what he is supposed to be doing.

As far as I am concerned, if any of my children don't hate me at least once in their lives, then I am not doing my job as a parent.

Comments

Elizabeth's picture

My DH did that all the time, but even better than your DH. Here's how it went:

"It's OK with me, but you'd better ask Elizabeth." Yep, might as well have just screamed "Elizabeth gets to be a bi&ch and I get to be the fun one ALL the time."

Drac0's picture

I quote an earlier self when I was having an argument with my ex-wife who was claiming all kinds of "abuse" that she suffered by my hand

"STOP accusing me of things I haven't had a chance to do yet!"

Ljcapp1's picture

She is a real softy when it comes to her son...Draco will be mad, yes! And the truth is she probably wouldn't be all that mad b/c she doesn't want to upset the tall one.

Tuff Noogies's picture

"Why are SP the "bad guys""? cuz we exist.

yss the other day showed his ass- dh was 'yelling at' (ie- arguing with) him about something we've both said a million times as a house rule. "but whyyyyyy?" "because I TOLD YOU TO" "it's not youuu, it's HERRRRRRRRR".

keep in mind i hadnt said a word to him about it, and hadnt even spoken in probably 20 minutes prior to this. *smdh*

we exist, and every time they look at us it reminds them that at that moment in time they are not with bm. and there's no blaming one or the other bioparent, that goes against 'nurture'. this is why we get blamed.

Drac0's picture

>I'll be sending you a darth vader t shirt as you are on the dark side.<

I know I run the risk of SHOCKING a lot of you but...

I already got one Wink

Accordn2L's picture

"As far as I am concerned, if any of my children don't hate me at least once in their lives, then I am not doing my job as a parent."

This is exactly right! I can remember lots of "lessons" that I was taught throughout childhood that at the time seemed cruel and unusual but now as an adult I think back and I'm glad my parents busted my chops and kept me in line so I didn't become a POS. And I love to find creative ways to teach my BD11 a lesson Smile

PokaDotty's picture

Truthfully it probably carries more weight that you'd be mad than DW. She's such a push over that SS would prob have risked her "wrath".

AllySkoo's picture

Lol I'm not sure your wife is capable of being the "bad guy" to her son, so if this works and SS toes the line, and you don't care... *shrug* I wouldn't be mad either. I have, in fact, told my DH that I'm perfectly fine if he says "Ally says no" to something - make me the bad guy, as long as whatever it is doesn't happen!

hangingbyathread6's picture

I love the "if my kids don't hate me at one point in their lives I haven't done my job" line! I say this ALL THE TIME. I am tough in my kids...I want them to grow up to be respectable people who contribute to society. I have said this for years and I often get a look or a "really? You want your kids to hate you?" No but if I'm doing what im supposed to be doing and teaching them what I'm supposed to be teaching them they will hate me. I hated my parents at times...for those reasons exactly. And when I think about it as a parent myself, it makes perfect sense as to why they did or said what they di.

Accordn2L's picture

Draco-I have to share this with you because after I typed about my parents punishments I remembered one incident that at the time I was mad as hell ( I was 13) but looking back now as a mom myself to an 11 year old girl who is having hormones and meltdowns sometimes I must laugh about it.

Let's stroll back to 1992, I was 13, great big hair that could withstand the effects of a tornado without moving, a sassy mouth, and thought I knew EVERYTHING! My mom is a petite little thing, I'm the TALL KID in my family and I'm 5'2" hahaha, she is only 5'. So she told me I couldn't go skating that Friday because I had not done my chores and I mean in my little world going skating with my friends was the only thing worth living for, she was ruining my life you know. She turned around to walk out and I gave her the finger, of course she had eyes in the back of her head and whipped around and saw me and slapped me. I said you can't do that! I'm calling social services. She stomped out of my room and came back with the phone book which if you remember back in the early 90's were about 7' thick and she hit me in the head with it and said CALL THEM! It totally dented my big bangs and knocked me on my butt to the floor. Then she walked out. I didn't call social services of course but I didn't ever give my mama the finger either. Lesson learned!

Drac0's picture

You MUST be a Russel Peters fan!

I swear, when he starts talking about his father, he is REALLY talking about mine. Right down to the accent.

Accordn2L's picture

I knew you guys would enjoy! I was a very "spirited" kid and I kept my folks on their toes. Now we talk about some of the things I did and the punishments I got and we laugh and they make me promise not to ever do that to their beloved grand daughter! hahaha

One more and I will stop! hahah I told the folks I was spending the night with X friend, ok that sounds good. I was about 14 now. X friend told her mom she was staying with me. We thought we were slick! So in the town we lived in whoever was 18 would rent a hotel room and everyone would come and party there. As you can imagine this hotel room wasn't in a nice part of town because if I remember right it was $17.99/night to rent LOL. So of course me and my friend jumped right in on the keg beer, smoking cigs, being totally cool as you can imagine. After we had been there long enough that me and friend X were completely trashed my stern father walked into the hotel room and grabbed me and friend by arms and drug us out. Apparently one mom called the others house to check in and we were busted and my Dad started driving looking for us. Friend was dropped off and her home to be dealt with and my dad took me home. He gave me a shovel and said start digging. I could hardly stand up I was so drunk and I had the hiccups so bad I sounded like Otis from Andy Griffith. I was like dig what??? He said a hole. So I did, then puked into it, he said now fill it up. So this went on for what felt like forever. I kept falling down in the holes too so I was covered in mud. Then he came out and gave me a pair of scissors and made me "weed eat" the whole yard for him. Now please keep in mind this is all in the middle of the night and he has the spotlights on me in the yard. When the sun came up mom came outside and said I'd had enough. Dad took my face in his hand and said if you act like this sh*t again then this is the kind of life you will have, working like a dog, and looking like trash to the world. To this day I refuse to dig a damn hole and shy away from yardwork HAHHA. Man I have so many of these stories, again I was "spirited" haha, I should write them all down so I never forget.

Drac0's picture

Hee hee. Priceless!

My aversion to yard work also stems from living with my parents. My Mom LOVED her garden and would often recruit me and my brother to help her (read: dig). Thing is, our area is a cleared out swamp/marsh; so if you dig further than six inches, you hit clay.

I can't tell you how many times I would ride my bike home, see my Mom digging in the garden, I come to screeching halt, turn around an peddle my bike the other way!

Accordn2L's picture

I make my daughter pull weeds too, she hates it. But isn't that why we have kids so they can do the chores we hate? LOL I swear I used to think that was why my parents had me hahaha