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Things were great and then...

weekendwidow's picture

So, more than 4 months have gone by without a word from either of the asshole skids (SS17, SD21). Life here has been delightful. Pretty much the reason I haven't posted here. DH and I have not had one disagreement at all...nothing. It's been pure bliss.

He has reached out to his ungrateful, entitled brats several times each month and was told each time that they are not interested in having a relationship with him. He cries, I console him and tell him he is loved by so many. Don't let a few rotten apples spoil the basket...yada yada yada. He spends the rest of the day moping and then, we're back to "normal" until he gets the great idea to reach out again. The cycle starts all over again - but it's getting better.

Well, SD21 decides to return her dad's call this past Sunday. Why? Because today is her birthday, of course. She wants something. This is how it always is, right? She even had the nerve to tell her dad she would prefer money in lieu of a gift. BITCH...so he wrote her a check. ARGH.

To make matters worse, DH took today off. The first day in 4 months. We were supposed to spend time together today. Just the two of us. She wanted to have lunch with daddy so she could get her money. So here I sit pissed off and shaking my head that DH is so blind to the fact that he is being used and abused as normal. Just a wallet. And I am all alone when I should be spending some alone time with my man.

He asked me if I wanted to sign the card, the stink eye I gave him should have said it all. SHe didn't do a damned thing for my birthday or for my kids' birthdays. Why the fuck would I want to go to all of the trouble to pick up a pen, hold it while pressing firmly to create lines on paper? That's way too much effort.

I hate that bitch and I can't stand the sniveling weasel my DH turns into when she throws him a bone. UGH

ChiefGrownup's picture

It does sound pathetic. I can understand your husband's desire to connect with his kids. But he should have started a long time ago teaching them that HE is a PERSON, too. And so is his wife. And taught them the proper way to treat people in general.

I can understand the unattractive appearance of all this sniveling in your eyes, as well.

I could see my SD acting this way by the time she reaches 23 (15 at this time). But I think I have by now taught them both I am not to be trampled on. If I was expecting a day off with my DH and SD called with anything less than an SOS from an alien spaceship or "I've just escaped from kidnappers" emergency, my DH would tell her he was busy. And I hope he would add that he's glad to hear from her but she can't treat him like shit then expect us to be at her beck and call. He'll get to her when he gets to her, now that's she's interested. And she would not be surprised. At least I think it would go something like that. At 23.

As a 15 year old high school sophomore she can still drag him out of my bed at 0 dark thirty because she "missed the bus" and her mother called DH frantic that SD was planning to stay home from school because of missing bus. (BM works an early shift and is not at home when SD needs to be at bus stop). GRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!

I would handle that whole situation differently than they did (BM and DH), but it wasn't my call. When she's 23 and waltzing about fishing for birthday money it will be!

ETA I see now the OP's SD is 21 not 23.

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

Every time I read your posts, I see SheSloth in a few years! She lives under the same roof! The only time she every talks to DH is if she wants something. Otherwise, she hides out in her room on her phone or other devices with "friends"! Girl wouldn't even be here and DH would probably never see her if she hadn't gotten in so much trouble that she got kicked out of BM's house, and SheSloth doesn't really like going over there because she gets stuck in the house the whole time because BM is too overweight to want to leave the house, and is broke anyway!

weekendwidow's picture

It's just been so damned peaceful here for EVERYONE without visits from the skids. SS17 hasn't been here since MAY when DH took his vehicle away for reasons too numerous to count. Now my own BS is bonding with his stepdad because SS17 isn't monopolizing DH's attention. It's wonderful. A family.

That being said, I knew there would be times when the bliss would wane. I dread thinking about Thanksgiving and Christmas. I'm publicly saying that those ungrateful skids are not welcome in my home. If I change my mind at some point or start to get weak and all Christian and forgiving....someone call me out and save me!

Easylikesundaymornin's picture

I love your ending ~ I feel the same way but if ever I waiver someone please smack me upside the head with a cast iron pan.

My poor DF goes through the same thing with the damn cycle ~ if they can't get what they want when they want it they aren't happy.

My poor guy cycles so badly u have no idea what to say to him ~ cause I won't speak about SD at all ~ her name has been removed from my vocabulary. She is not permitted in my house. She is not in my daily routine.

Not my monkey ~

weekendwidow's picture

Oh puke! The gnarly she-beast just sent me a text thanking me for the card and the check. I would love to reply - "They're not from me. Be sure to thank your dad" or "Who is this?" or "I have no idea what you're talking about."

UGH - now, if I don't reply I am the bitch. If I say you're welcome she'll think I am actually involved in her birthday...which I clearly am NOT.

Why is nothing simple when it comes to the skids?

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

LOL...the frame of mind I'm in these days? I would respond back that I didn't know what she was talking about! }:)

weekendwidow's picture

Now she's commenting on things on my Fbook wall. Expecting me to be impressed she looked at my wall? You can comment on a funny cat video, but not say happy birthday to a single person in your step family? Eff you

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

SheSloth lives in my house, and never bothered to tell me happy birthday a couple of weeks ago. No big, especially since I have removed myself from helping DH with getting any gifts for her for any occasion! I will simply tell him what his budget is from now on, and he can work with that. And trust me...it will not be a large budget!

weekendwidow's picture

So sorry yours lives with you. I don't know how you deal with that. I know I am blessed that neither of the skids are here and since DH put his foot down "sort of" with SS17, he never visits any more. Can you believe it's because he doesn't have his own room? He has to sleep in the guest room. Seriously? Whatever...stay away you little bastard. I hate him, too.

I must be experiencing PMS or something...I'm so snarky and impatient today.

Ughugh's picture

Ohhhh...but why NOT sign that card? Haha Well, when you (I mean DH) don't really PARENT, you become just a wallet... Seen it with so many...

weekendwidow's picture

He's always just been a wallet. Now he sees it - after the fact. But at least he sees it. It's a process. Right?

z3girl's picture

Sounds familiar...we only see SD23 when she needs money. DH has finally started limiting the bankroll, so we've only seen her once since Christmas. She doesn't acknowledge DH's birthday, or our children's birthdays (I've never even told her mine, so that doesn't matter). When her birthday came around, DH sent her an edible arrangement in lieu of money. I was so proud. He was given hell because the cards and arrangement didn't arrive on time. (ordered and mailed WELL in advance so not our faults)

I'm sorry your DH left you to lunch with her on his day off. That's not right.

weekendwidow's picture

I think it's nauseating to us because we SM's can see the little assholes for what they are...their father's can't. It's nauseating to see them get hopeful, just to be crushed again. It's so sad that they want their kids to change but the kids are just assholes. Assholes don't change. I feel so badly for DH. He just wants nice, normal, respectful offspring. He forgets that when you procreate with SATAN, you get little devils.

We SMs see what they really are. Dad's don't see it. My DH is getting there...with time I hope his vision on 20/20, too.

weekendwidow's picture

Sure! It happens all the time! It's only a matter of time until life becomes sunshine and rainbows. Skids are just unfortunate victims of divorce - and eventually they grow up, apologize and make amends for their deplorable behavior. Yeah..that's it...

IslandGal's picture

I understand completely!! SD had her 14th birthday a couple of days ago. SO WANTED to give her cash but I put my foot down and say no way, bad behaviour does NOT get rewarded. After a huge fight, he agreed with me (after all, this was advised to us by our counsellor). He wrote in her card and then signed it from both him and I. I liked this because it shows her that him and I are a united front, and always will be.

When FMIL took the card to her, she opened it, checked inside, saw no cash in it, scrunched it up and buried it in her bag. SO had also written her a letter, when I read it, I felt sick inside.. it was so sickening and pathetic.. lines like "I think about you 1,000 times a day.." "I wish I knew how to fix this". Bloody hell, wimp! You know perfectly well how to fix it - STOP TREATING HER LIKE YOUR EQUAL and Stop your pathetic grovelling!! The only way SD will forgive and make amends with her Dadeeeee is if he broke up with me and went back to having her as #1 in his life.

Yes it's 100% on him and BM, but there comes a time when you know perfectly well when you are hurting someone and trying to control their lives. When FMIL asked her why she wasn't answering his calls or calling him, she replied "HE has to keep on trying and he should be calling ME I don't have to call him". :sick: