Something beautiful is slowly turning ugly
Where to start...I am a 46 year old divorced mother of two girls ages 26 & 18. I also have a step son living with me that is 26 that I helped raise from the age of three. I am no stranger to the trials of being a step parent and blending a family. But, honestly I'm at my wits end in my new chapter of life. I feel in love with a man four years ago that completes me. He has full custody of his two children ages 12 and 10. I was completely aware of the challenges we would face blending our family's and I was ready for the challenge. It's not the same! I am having a hard time dealing with his ten year old daughter. I find her disrespectful, arrogant, manipulative, sneaky, conniving, and I can't change the way I feel about her. I see the love her father has for her and I truly want to feel the same love for her. I can't break the cycle, nor do I know where to start the change. If I try to point out to her father where the problems are, he gets very defensive with me and blames me for our relationship failing. By relationship I mean..his daughter and me, and myself and him.
Seems I am the Satan spawn in this house creating
havoc in everyone's lives. When I see his daughter
needs to be disciplined he tells me.." you just hate her".
No! Your daughter is not an angel. Somebody please, I love this man he is my world. But our relationship is in dire straights. We both want change in our home, but we don't know where to start!
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Comments
That was your mistake--don't
That was your mistake--don't worry, several people have made it. Thinking that because a blended family worked for you once that it could work again. Apparently the ones that work beautifully are not common.
Oh, I can relate to hearing
Oh, I can relate to hearing "You hate her". My husband tells me that all the time when I say SD6 needs to be disciplined. She's not a bad kid in general but definitely needs correction sometimes.
If your SO hasn't don't anything to correct his daughter's behaviour yet, he probably won't. It sounds like he's a typical Guilty Dad and from what I've read on here it's hard to get them to change. I'm married to one and it's an ongoing battle.
My husband was the same way
My husband was the same way with SD17. I met him when she was 14 and she was a friggin brat (still is.) If she was doing wrong and I pointed it out to him he would say "my daughter wouldn't do that." Total denial...
It's gotten better with H but BM thinks SD is perfect and she is never corrected, and now she's almost 18 and acts like a 10 year old.
You need to ask yourself if this relationship is REALLY worth it. In my experience it doesn't get better with the skids - I'm just lucky in that SD moved way far away and I don't have to deal with her very often.
Perhaps your should have your
Perhaps your should have your partner read this article, Nodixiechk .
http://jilldeibel.hubpages.com/hub/What-Every-Step-Mom-Wished-Her-Husban...
I think girls in general are harder than boys when it comes to step parenting .... but they can both suck.
Your partner needs to instill respect in those girls, PRONTO. For everyone's sake.
Great article. I'm making my
Great article. I'm making my husband read it.
Disempower the Ex ^^^^ this
Disempower the Ex
^^^^ this part of the article my husband needs to read EVERY SINGLE DAY!
I did send this article to my
I did send this article to my FDH. He was actually kind of pissed. He identifies as an atheist so I think he stopped reading and started skimming once he saw anything about God in it.
He thought it was sexist, religious garbage. All I replied was that I thought it had some good points.
Too bad it was poorly
Too bad it was poorly received.
I showed it to my DH a few months ago. He said it was a wonderful article that really opened his eyes. My DH is also not religious at all and very well educated.
Shame he didn't continue to read it. The article really has nothing to do with religion at all.
My DH said it really opened his eye and that he "was sorry he did everything wrong." We went to two marriage counselors over a two year period and he said this article explained it better than the counselors.
I hope your DH will reconsider and read it again, perhaps skipping over the God part.
Thank you all for the
Thank you all for the responses. I truly feel I know where the problem lays but I scream the answers but dad refuses to hear me because his mind is fixed on me hating her. I don't hate her. I don't like who she is and the things she does. He sees a little girl who just needs love. He is so overwhelmed with guilt that he over looks her behavior. He over compensate for her being adopted, loosing her mom full time, he feels he has to protect her from me or anything else that stands in the way of her happiness. I really feel he's scared of loosing her back to her mother. This whole situation is so messed :jawdrop: up. I just want him to know I am not the enemy, that I want to have a healthy relationship with his daughter, and that the things I point out about her needs to be addressed. Not because I want to break her spirit.