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Stepson who steals

Ruby55's picture

Hi there, so glad to find this page. I've been with my husband 13 years. Married 10. He has 2 kids. Daughter 27, son 25. When we met I welcomed them I into my heart and home with open arms. We all got along great and they spent lots of time with us. Things were always very amicable with their mother. All was great. My husband became ill in 2007. Diagnosed with a hepatitis virus that caused liver damage. Long story short he went thru a year of difficult treatment and beat the virus, but the damage was done. For several years he remained relatively stable and life went on relatively normally. Kids were getting older and going through teenage years and typical teenage stuff, but all in all things for good. They graduated hs and didn't want to go on to college despite my husbands wishes and encouragement. The next few years they didn't do much with their lives except to get into trouble. Drinking, lots of drama etc. But all in all the relationship continued forward. Then my husband became very very sick. Needed a liver transplant. He is a builder and his son was working for him at the time. He went into the hospital deathly ill and two weeks later received a liver transplant by the grace of God. I spent the next 65 days by his side in the hospital as there were many complications. His daughter came to visit him a whopping one time and his son came about three times. I was shocked at the lack of support. However, it all hit the fan when I had to open my husband's business account to pay a few bills and much to my surprise I found that my stepson had made 24 separate withdraws totaling $4600 starting on the day of my husbands transplant and up until the day I caught him. He was literally stealing from his own father while his father was on his deathbed fighting for his life. Of course I confronted, he tried to lie and then the truth came out, he just took it and had no excuse. I told his mother and she said she was sorry couldn't imagine why he did it. After my husband finally got home three months later I had to tell him what happened. Long story short stepson apologized and we told him we forgave him although we were very upset and he had to pay it back. He made two payments on his own and ever since then my husband has had to nag him for it every month. This last time around he was three weeks late, By the way he only pays 200 at a time because we allowed him to come up with the number he was comfortable with. He was late on the payment and when my husband reminded him of it he snapped and said he had planned a vacation for himself because he worked all summer with no break and isn't he just a horrible person for doing so!? He played this big passive aggressive crap and basically came right out and said we can basically F off, that'll pay it when he wants. He is currently on vacation living it up. All while I support my husband and I on my own because I don't know if my husband will be able to work again. I am riddled with medication bills and hospital bills and while I have a good job taking $4600 off our plate certainly hurt us. I don't want anything to do with either one of them, I think of them is pure evil, I'm sorry. But I don't think it gets much lower. Am I right to expect that money gets paid back? When I think of the generosity I've shown this kid, I literally bought him a car with my own money when my husband and his mother could not two years ago. I could go on and on talking about how good I've been to them both but I think he is just evil. The daughter is a selfish brat who thinks of no one but your self. The mother defends them no matter what they do. I am filled with resentment but I've made a decision to cut them off completely. Any thoughts? I don't stand in the way of my husband's relationship with them although they treat him like complete crap. I really think his son thought he was going to die and he would never get caught with this money. I just don't want them in my home and I really think he should of been reported. Any thoughts?

Ruby55's picture

Thank you, I like that. I kept trying so hard to break through but I'm just done and stealing and disrespecting is just the final straw for me. Thanks for the great insight!

kathc's picture

Everything notasm said. And, please tell me the son has been taken off the business banking accounts!

Ruby55's picture

Thank you guys. Yes, good point. I have said that not a dime out of this house, since I support it 100%, goes to those so called people. He is in agreement. And you're right, he has me to thank for not being in jail. I have cut them off completely. I don't care if husband is dumb enough to allow them to Icontinue to to treat them how they do. He likes being a doormat to them I suppose. His problem. And yes, he had no access to our accounts anymore. He finally has a job! Thanks guys.

sandye21's picture

So glad that you cut him off from your funds. Do not allow SS in your home again. He's proven he can not be trusted. Your DH can continue his relationship with them but you don't have to. He's slime.

Rags's picture

Thoughts? Yes, have the police meet his plane when he returns from vacation. File charges and let SS feel the pain of his idiocy. Keep you and DH from it at this point and let him pick up soap in the prison showers for the lifer gaing for a while.

That might give him some clarity on the severty of his crime and align him with not doing it again. Anyone that will steal from family will do worse to a coworker, boss, or stranger.

Bring the full consequences of the law down on him like a ton of shit (Which he has proven he is) in a l lb bag.

He can recover the relationship with his father if he does the time and the work to recover the relationship including paying back what he stole from his father. You and DH should write the POS off until further notice.

IMHO of course.

Good luck.

AVR1962's picture

Here is the thing, the bio parents can love their children thru all the flaws no matter how difficult. My SS was also a thief, stole anything and everything from anyone. I wanted counseling (he was 7 when I first caught him) but husband wanted to believe in his son. He never changed. If you are wanting bio mom and your husband to get on-board, forget it. They think as long as their baby does his best to give a little back then he deserves a reward. In my opinion, you should have contacted legal.

Ruby55's picture

He's such a little jerk. He actually said if we harass him about it he will be the one to call the police! I kid you not. And he's on vacation now with his boyfriend! Yes! And my stupid husband sends him a text to wish him a happy birthday! Doesn't get much more dis functional! By the way, he laid the whole "I'm gay". thing on me when I caught him. I don't care how gay you are kid, it has nothing to do with you being a nasty thief!