am I being selfish?
My husband has two kids, one is very young, I get along with them, I try to at least. They both like me and like coming to our house and for the most part I don't mind them... that sounds awful. I get along well with the oldest, and I try my best to be supportive of both kids and kind of play a mom - is role. Which is what my husband wants and I don't mind, generally I'm a very caring person and I want kids of my own. I'm in this for the long run.
But it gets frustrating and I drink a lot of wine on the weekends and get stressed out a lot esp when it comes to their mother, I cannot stand her. I made the mistake of telling my husband how I feel, I say what's on my mind and am very honest. We get the kids every weekend and it makes him happy so I suffer through it but I need some time with him to relax. Since I've been in this life I've not had a lot of time to do shit for me. When I ask he always gets pissed and tells me how stupid and selfish I am. Wtf
He tells you you're stupid??
He tells you you're stupid??
Sounds like you're one of
Sounds like you're one of those babysitter, cook, maid, chauffeur and sex partner marriages. Once you've done your duty shut up.
Admit you made a mistake and leave. Don't toss more of your life down this pit.
Well that's a huge relief to
Well that's a huge relief to hear. Sometimes I do think he's an asshole. Never really talked to anyone else in this situation. They aren't bad kids so I feel guilty about it. But every weekend feels like a lot.
When it's just us I'm fine,
When it's just us I'm fine, the weekend is stressful but I really do like the 9 year old, very smart, kind girl. She listens, and cleans, always wants to help. It's taken her a while to trust me.
It bothers me a great deal what he says, I've never been with a man that has ever said that. He does have good qualities, I'm sure I don't make it sound like that. Not trying to defend him either, I walk away and do my own thing when he gets a stick up his ass.
The fact that he calls you
The fact that he calls you stupid erases any good qualities he may have.
No, you are far from
No, you are far from selfish.
Every weekend visitation is insane in most blended family situations. It is stressful. IMHO of course. It gives one party all of the fun times with the kids and the other all of the times of heavy responsibility. It also gives the weekend half of the equation no downtime without the Spawn under foot. The work week is not down time IMHO. I would be a supporter of an EOWE schedule if we had not been in a long distance blended family situation.
My bride and I are the CP half of our blended family adventure. Since we have never lived nearer than ~1200 miles to Sperm Land (BioDad is the NCP) my Skid's visitation schedule with his Sperm Clan was 3x per year (5wks summer, 1wk winter, 1wk spring). It took a while but my bride finally learned to enjoy the non-Skid times. We enjoyed our time together, doing much more adult related vacations, etc… while the Skid was visiting the shallow and polluted end of his gene pool.
We lived this for 17+ years. It worked well for us.
Shallow and polluted end,
Shallow and polluted end, love that.
I try to tell my husband is to much but I just end up drinking and hiding, we never do any fun just him and I. Going coocoo
We had the Skid 24/7 45 weeks
We had the Skid 24/7 45 weeks per year. We enjoyed our 7 weeks off let me tell you. 5Wks summer, 1wk winter, 1wk spring. We missed him, we never wanted to send him off to Sperm Land to spend time with the shallow and polluted end of his gene pool but eventually we did come to enjoy that time for just the two of us.
There were downsides though. About a week of pre-visitation behavioral degradation and ~three weeks of post visitation behavioral detox for him to prepare for and then recover from the manipulative and toxic Sperm Clan bullshit.
Those weeks with the Skid were truly trying.
You work all week and then
You work all week and then have to be on SM duty all weekend? You should have a conversation with your husband. I hope you feel comfortable enough to do that. I feel like this is a dilemma that I struggle with. Married or not, how much are his kids from his previous marriage your responsibility? You probably should have talked about this before you married him but it's not too late. You don't have children. Whether by choice or circumstance and you're allowed to enjoy some child-free downtime. Your life shouldn't be full of stress because of his life choices. Now you did marry him so it's understandable that he would expect you to take on some responsibility but you have to talk with him and reach some sort of compromise.
You have to make peace with your situation. You are married to a man with two children who come every weekend. You can choose to be stressed out and resentful of this situation (which probably won't change anytime soon) or you can figure out a way to make it work for you. Talk to your husband and tell him that you're taking 2 Saturdays a month for yourself. Spend this time catching up with friends, taking an exercise class or getting a massage. Do something that will reinvigorate you so that you can bring your A game to the time you spend with your husband and SKIDS.
Good Luck...it can get better if you let it.