Not really step related but should I tell my exH about my wedding date?
I just wanted some opinions.
FDH and I are getting married in a month. (woo!)
My exH and I have a very solid coparenting relationship and are very friendly with each other but I also walk on egg shells to avoid conflict. When I got engaged (meanwhile he was already engaged) he lost his mind but eventually apologized and offered a half assed congratulations which was polite at least.
I don't know if I should tell him. First of all it's not his business, he's engaged they have a wedding date set but I know this is going to upset him. I don't want things to get sour with us but I am concerned if I don't tell him he's going to freak out anyway.
FDH and I are going on a destination wedding just the two of us and a family member is watching my bios while we are gone and if he finds out while we are gone I don't want him to take it out on my kids (which he never has) or my SIL. He knows we are going away but just doesn't know the purpose of our trip.
I don't even know HOW to tell him it's just sort of awkward and moreover I don't want to ruin a good thing we have going where all parties get along and everyone is productive for my kids.
Since he seems to be somewhat
Since he seems to be somewhat high conflict, I would tell him afterwards.
My ex and I are cordial and I did tell him when DH and I got married. I think maybe a few weeks/month before the wedding. Since BS lives with me/DH FT and we are the ones who are mostly raising him, I felt like Ex needed to know, okay BS has a SF now. He was cool about it, which I knew he would be.
In a situation like this- no.
In a situation like this- no. You come home married. You eloped. No one needs to know the date.
I had the same thought. This
I had the same thought. This sounds like something my BM would have posted. 'He'll probably be upset that I got married..."
Why? He's getting married too. Why does he care what you do?
I'm not trying to say that he
I'm not trying to say that he is going to be upset that I'm getting married. He knows I am and he and FDH are on good terms. I am just thinking the actual getting married part, not the notion of it, might upset him. Not because he still has feelings for me, but more along the lines of because I didn't tell him and he thinks he has a right to that info. Which may be my fault because we generally share a lot of things. We are more friendly than most exes but we don't usually delve into really personal things.
false He knows OP is engaged
false
He knows OP is engaged & therefore getting married. No reason to hold his hand through whatever emotions this may cause him to have.
why wouldt your kids be with
why wouldt your kids be with their father while you are honeymooning? i can see him being pissed (rightly so) if there is a week where you are to have the kids, cant watch them, and he doesnt get ROFR.
what does your PP say about ROFR? If its clear he gets it, then not telling him and giving him ROFR could cause you a legal problem later.
i just reread and saw
i just reread and saw this:
He knows we are going away but just doesn't know the purpose of our trip.
but still odd that he wouldnt want his kids for that time unless geographically it doesnt make sense.
We've discussed it, he knows
We've discussed it, he knows I am going and my kids are too young to be in school full time I stay home with them. He cannot take a week off of work to stay home with them but he will have his normal scheduled times with them. We don't have a CO never needed one we work everything out together but he basically had ROFR.
Nah I think he's moved on but
Nah I think he's moved on but he tends to overreact about certain situations. This may or may not be one of them I'm not sure.
How does your FDH feel about
How does your FDH feel about your friendly relationship with your ex? Stop worrying about your past and focus on your future. Shoot him an email that says, you won't be able to reach me on such and such date because I'll be out of town on my honeymoon and if he gives you grief...ignore him. Are you coddling his bad behavior? If so you're encouraging him to act like a baby. You should talk with your FDH about setting boundaries now so that you don't find yourself in an uncomfortable situation later.
FDH encourages our
FDH encourages our relationship fully. We are all adults and we share children and there is no reason for us not to be friendly. Our divorce wasn't nasty we just weren't good together and we mutually agreed to part ways. We all want what is best for my kids and that is exH and I being friendly. Now when I say friendly it's not like we meet for dinner and hang out. We really only talk about the kids, but he calls the kids daily and I just hand the phone to them. It works for all of us, thankfully.
I think that is my plan though just telling him that I'll be on my honeymoon and he can reach me at xyz hotel if there is an emergency if he can't on my cell.